All Comments on 'The Fighting Finnegan's Ch. 03'

I enjoyed the description of the pub scene where Australian fans, apart from Billy, rooted for Jack in his title fight. This definately resonated with my experience of being among other British pub goers when one of our own wins a race or fight whilst being the bookies outsider and on overseas turf. I wont get into it about cricket!

This chapter felt more rushed than the previous two.

I'm sorry it wasn't longer. One of the missing elements for me was a little bit of insight for the internal bitterness that festered away in Billy. I would have like to see more of the fallibility in Jack and Cathy. What personal issues / fears did each have to face before recommitting to a relationship with the other? I look forward to your next story.

Author - substantial work well pictured with depth.<P>

You are looked forward to.<P>

With High Regard

So WHY did you blow it w/this bit? Champion athletes have a much higher testosterone level than us mortals. Having said that, no way would he raise his brother's child. And marry such a STUPID cow? Who will she screw to make him jealous in the future? It was HIS Mother that died! She should have been four-square in his corner.

Hi

came across your stories and then did not do any work as I had to resd them all!! Got hooked. Nice style & great stories

Cheers

you showed a promising start as a new writer and i was looking forward to reading all your work but then you had to screw it up with the ending to this one. i mean really, sure jack was hard headed but the way you wrote cathy, it made it easy for readers to dislike or even hate her characer. she constantly took billys side, which basically was disrespected jack and could be humiliating. also, if that kiss was all billy, why didnt she say that? so she called for a few weeks, why didnt she tell jacks friends, his father, anybody? she gave up and then started sleeping with billy, of all ppl? that made seem like she was cheating on jack and that their plans were gone. so, basically my problem is the way you pretty much layed all the blame on jack and nothing on cathy. everything that happened was her fault and in no way could this happen. jack would never be with her again and having a billys kid would prob just make it worse. this was a terrible story. also, gary signing with billy was too stupid to believe, because he knew how jack felt. idiot

1 and 2 were good but 3 shit the bed - oh well.

I once read that home was the only place that has to take you in. Considering Billy's comments at the end of the story about competition, perhaps a prequel would be in order. This would be to show Billy's suppressed feelings and some payback for all the "things" Billy did for Jack.

that is all.

I think this might be the best story you've submitted, although I didn't care for this chapter as much as the first two. When a writer turns a character into a bad person, in this case Cathy, he should know it will be difficult to redeem her; turning her into someone the readers will forgive and accept.

I don't think you made the case with Cathy. Her reasons for her behavior in the first two chapters seem weak, at best. She apparently enjoyed living the 'high life', until Billy became abusive. Would she still be with him if he'd remained a nice guy? Also, the reconciliation with Jack progressed much too quickly, in my opinion, especially since her betrayal ultimately resulted in having Billy's kid.

Still, it's a really nice story. Thanks for posting. I hope we see more from you in the future.

The writing is well done, but the problem with this chapter, especially, is that Billy is one dimensionally evil. He needs to be rewritten so that he doesn't come across as cartoonish. The "Cathy" character is all over the place, and the reconciliation is in no sense believable. A little rewriting of these characters and this would be outstanding. Your other stories are much better, but it wouldn't take a lot to fix this one.

Wish this was longer and more fleshed out, Jack got back with Cathy too easily, Billy became a scene chewing villain, and we never got a fight between Ernie and Jack. Despite that I gave it 5* because I enjoyed the rest of it

Too many blank spots in an otherwise good plot