All Comments on 'The First Time He Watched Me'

Chel, this is quite a tale and I'm glad, as a first-time author, that you found the energy and emotion to talk about all these feelings.

Two things, though, I'd ask you to change in the next chapter. Watch your word choice and spelling. "Watch-centuries" is really sentries. (No watch to it nor one-hundred-year intervals.) I'm not trying to be smart or rude, but readers are easily distracted and misspellings are distracting to even the most uneducated reader.

And what ever ESAM or ESQM means (or what ever the initials were), don't tell to me separately that I can go google this to understand it. Part of the hard part of writing porn is you have to tell me everything including the meaning of your medical jargon. It's it not important, don't use if. If it is important, make me know why it's important. Don't cut corners. One of the side effects would be, if I jump back into google I might not ever return to your story.

So, good luck. Keep up the good work. Keep me up, too. I like it!

Woody Johnson

And for once a story on bf/sm written by soneone who gets it.

My only quibble is using initials rather than names,that made it difficult for me to follow at times (could be me). I liked the reference to EMDR ,it is a technique designed for post traumatic stress syndrome patients,my understanding having done it is it puts the person into something like rem sleep but not actually asleep.I could argue about bdsm as therapy but it is a story:)I loved the story and look forward to hearing more from you in the future!

Ok, I must be missing something. I cannot find a link to access and subsequently edit my story. Would like to make the changes you suggest. Do I have to delete the story and re-submit? Also --- in general --- not finding this site to be all that user friendly.

Thanks Woody and Lauren, these are good suggestions. The initials-for-names thing is distracting. Easy for me to write that way b/c the story is basically true and the initials are the actual initials of the people involved. But I think you are right about it distracting the reader. Whenever I figure out how to edit a submission, I will put in the names and fix the EMDR paragraph. Chel

Carried the reader along beautifully and described every scene well. Easy to picture both the setting and the girl's feelings at every step.

Wel done and look forward to more

I got lost with all the characters named "H" and "B" not to mention "J" and "R" and so on. You need to use your imagination and have names for characters. I rarely write a negative review but this was like alphabet soup.