All Comments on 'The Freshman Ch. 05'

Hmm, another manipulative female - how unoriginal...

So far I liked the story greatly. This chapter, however, I found weak for many reasons. Please note that I'm commenting so much only because I really love this story and your writing style.

The entire strip poker scenario was handled poorly. Lisa's taking nude pictures of the two friends was a very advance attempt, and the non-reaction of Ken and Jason felt too unnatural even if they were exhibitionists. Then there was the spanking of Ken by Lisa. It's kind of damaging to slow pacing of this story. Spanking is an advance act. Bringing it so suddenly broke the entire setting. Then it occurred by the the characters secondary to the main story line. At least Lisa's character should have been built up first to some levels if she had to be in that activity. Besides, that scene brought lots of confusions for the side-story-line of the relationship between Lisa and Mike, which probably wouldn't be answered. We know nothing about their relationship, why Mike allowed such a thing to his girlfriend, and and we don't know what's going to happen soon what will happen now. The reaction of such a thing would be simply that the chemistry between a group of four friends would not remain the same. Why Lisa went for such an action? Wasn't she interested to continue her friendship with them?

After action discussion between Jason and Cecilia was not too good either. Jason's offering of punishment with paddling seemed forced. It's true that she had said it herself. However, he shouldn't have asked that himself. It made it more like a fantasy fulfilling. Instead, he should have asked for a simple punishment, which she should have made it into a spanking. That would have made lot more sense. You have been writing slow paced so far. It shouldn't have been difficult for you at all.

Then in second part you gave-in what would happen in the actual scene long before it's happening. Why? You had been building up drama so far. Something should be told when the time come. Only when something is NOT to be done then it's told before time. It felt more like the the spanking is not going to occur, which the reader want to see happening. In fact, you could have made it like this day was Friday already, and do the spanking right away.

How did Cecilia become so much of a dominate figure? Sure she had a really tough life with her family while she was growing up. Where did she come up with the thoughts of dominating Jason? I know this is a fictional story, however the buildup to Jason being spanked by Cecilia is a bit forced.

Lisa and Mike have to talk about their relationship. After spanking Ken so severely, she tries to make it up to Mike but I doubt that would be the end of it between the two. I look forward to the story and how it relates to the other story lines from the author.

A quick thinking lie saves the day