The Ghost of Red River Falls

"Because he could and because he had a law clerk let him. Fairly typical in this business, I'm afraid. But, hey. We're still partners in this firm," she said, pointing to his picture on the wall, along with the rest of the partners. "We couldn't figure out how to play together but we can at least work together."

I just let out of a whistle of disbelief. "So, how fast can we make this happen?"

"Well," she said, "today is Friday, so I won't be able to get it done today. But I can finish everything up, call the Sheriff's office, and have her served Tuesday morning. Will that work?"

"That's perfect. I work Tuesday, anyway."

"Okay, we'll do it. And, remember, it doesn't mean you have to go through with it. If you feel like you and Wendy are making progress towards reconciliation, you can withdraw this at any time. I'll only bill you for the hours I actually work on it and refund the rest of your retainer."

"Okay, then," I said, standing and offering my hand. Danielle had a helluva grip.

I got to work the next morning for my shift at 08:00. Saturdays are generally a fairly lax day for us as it is a day to clean the entire station in the morning, as well as wash and maintain all of the fire trucks and ambulances.

We usually have a fairly light afternoon, depending on how many fire and EMS calls we are running.

Wendy called me, as I knew she would, shortly after I got to work that morning and asked if she could stop by later and talk. I told her no, that I was going to be too busy and had too much on my mind and needed to concentrate on work. It was BS, really. When we were dating, Wendy used to come by the fire station all the time. The truth to the matter was, I just really didn't want to see her.

I had Sunday and Monday off. Tuesday was the day that Wendy was going to get served the papers. In one way, I was hoping it would make Wendy see the light. In another, I was afraid that Wendy would ultimately seek comfort with the Parmellys. Somehow, at least narrowing it down to two outcomes seemed better than the uncertainty of letting things go on the way they were.

I called Danielle on Monday and asked her if it would also be possible to send a letter along with the divorce petition to Wendy. Danielle said that I could send along whatever I wanted.

So I took some time on Sunday and Monday to write out a letter letting Wendy know everything that I was feeling and why her actions had hurt me so much. Mostly, it was to let her know that I knew exactly what it was like to lose someone I loved so much. My Dad was right in that respect. Better to let her know now than later. I knew the rest of the Parmellys were home from Hawaii now, which most certainly explained why I hadn't heard anything from her on Sunday. Ed and Joanne were probably either telling Wendy to wait me out or just go ahead and get rid of me; that she could do much better than me. And, oh, by the way; did we tell you that Nate is still single?

I put fingers to keyboard and wrote the following letter:

My dearest Wendy,

If you are reading this letter, then you have received papers stating my intention of asking you for a divorce. While at first you may think I am doing this out of anger or spite, I want to assure you that I'm doing it out of love. Yes, that's right - love. I am doing this because I love you enough to let you go. I love you enough to let you be free.

It has become painfully clear to me that you are not ready to move on from the life you enjoyed with Kevin. I know that you will probably try and tell me that you are and that you have. But the truth is that you haven't. I don't hate you for this and I'm not angry with you for this. Hurt? Disappointed? I'd be lying if I said that I was not. I had my own dreams and ambitions that I wanted to share with you and am quickly coming to realize that it is not possible.

You made a comment to me last week over the phone that I couldn't possibly understand what you went through with losing Kevin. You said that I couldn't possibly understand unless it happened to me. The fact to the matter is, I do know what you went through. It happened to me.

Her name was Consuela Ariana de Maradiago. She was from a small town in southern Mexico called Arriaga. Her father and mother were supervisors at a large coffee plantation there. Connie was fortunate enough to earn a scholarship to attend St. Cloud State, which is where I met her when I was pursuing a degree in Fire Science and Public Safety Administration. I met her on a Sunday morning when we both attended Mass. She was with a group of her girlfriends and I had gone alone. From the minute we made eye contact, neither of us could stop looking at one another.

She was everything I had ever thought I wanted in a woman. Connie was beautiful with her long, jet black hair, her natural tan complexion, the darkest and most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. She had a smile that could have lit up a football stadium. She was so motivated to succeed, pursuing degrees in English and Special Education. Connie wanted nothing more than to work with children, especially those who struggled.

We became inseparable, as most couples deeply in love do. I was so enamored with her that I almost felt sorry for other men who didn't have someone like Connie in their lives. It almost seemed like a tragedy that people in this world didn't have the opportunity to enjoy a love as deep as ours.

As luck would have it, I took the entrance testing for the fire department in Red River Falls and placed #1 on the list, which meant that I had an excellent chance of getting hired right out of college. Connie applied for teaching positions in Red River Falls and was hired right away for a Title I position working with children who had speech and reading challenges. She was going to get to live out her dream and so was I. She said 'yes' before I could even finish asking her to marry me. I hadn't even made it to one knee yet.

I had only been on the job for two weeks. I was still a probationary firefighter and paramedic when that horrible call came in. We put on our gear and I took my place on the back of the engine as we went to what was reported as a serious motor vehicle collision. While we were on the way, the dispatcher reported that one of the vehicles was on fire and there was a woman trapped inside. We arrived on scene and saw that the police had dragged the driver of one of the vehicles out but were unable to get the driver of the second vehicle out before the vehicle became engulfed in flames.

I remember hearing the last of the screams of the trapped driver as I jumped out of the engine and started pulling a hose line to attack the fire. My heart was racing and I could feel the blood pounding in my temples. It was terrifically exciting and nerve wracking at the time. The engineer charged the hose line and my Lieutenant and I began putting out the car fire. The vehicle was so badly damaged I didn't recognize it at first.

It was only when we circled around the car, constantly hitting it with the full blast of water, that I saw the sticker on the rear bumper. It said 'Viva Mexico' - just like the one Connie had on her car. In horror, I realized the vehicle was the remains of a tan 1998 Ford Taurus wagon - the same car as Connie's.

The entire world went into slow motion. Someone was screaming and it took me a few moments to realize it was me. I don't even remember what happened next, other than my fellow firefighters wrestling me away from the car and getting me into the back of an ambulance - no easy task considering my size and all the gear I had on. They did their best to shield me from the rest of the carnage.

The fire was so bad that Connie's body could only be identified by her dental records, DNA and the vehicle's registration. I begged to be able to see her one last time but, in their wisdom, the medical examiner and my family and fellow firefighters wouldn't let me. I was angry at them at the time, but I now realize they did it because they wanted me to remember Connie the way I knew her. It helped because I never really did see her in the car, only a flame-engulfed shape sitting in the driver's seat.

We had a funeral service for Connie at Saint Matthew's and then flew her body back to Arriaga to be buried near her relatives. Her parents, whom I had previously had a great relationship with, refused to speak to me. Her brothers blamed me for her death, saying that she wouldn't have died if she had been able to come back to Mexico instead of staying with me. No matter how many times I have written them to say I'm sorry, they haven't written back.

I have waited thirteen years for someone like you, Wendy. Someone who could fill my heart with the same love that I had for Connie. THIRTEEN YEARS!! I deserve to have someone in my life who loves me with an equal amount of passion and ferocity as Connie did. Maybe it was too much to ask. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. Maybe I should have just accepted the situation with you and dealt with the idea that maybe my one shot at a true and lasting love had passed me by. Maybe I need to just learn to accept the fact that Kevin will always come first in your life and to just take what I can get.

But I refuse to. I still believe that I am someone who is worthy of having someone who loves me as much as I love her. And so, I have come to the decision that it is better to be alone in this world than to spend my time trying to love someone who makes me feel alone. That brings us to where we are.

No doubt you have probably spent most of your time in the company of Ed, Joanne and the rest of the Parmellys since they got back from Hawaii. I hope your leaving early didn't spoil the rest of their vacation. Just make sure they understand that I didn't ask you to do it, not that any reason you give them will grant me any favors in their eyes.

Know that I love you with a love that is as deep and passionate as the one I had for Connie. If nothing else is to come of this marriage, then I want to thank you for helping to prove that I am at least capable of having that magnitude of love for someone once again.

Yours faithfully,

Jack

I sent the letter to Danielle Nichols by email to be included with the process and then I went totally dark and underground for the remainder of the weekend. I made a stop by the campground and picked up a tent, sleeping bag and a few other essentials that I would need. I silenced the cell phone and made sure the GPS tracker was off. I headed further south along the Red River on the Minnesota side and checked out a campground there and paid $10 for one of the primitive sites.

I spent the rest of Sunday and most of Monday hiking, fishing and just spending some time by myself. I know it was cruel and I admit that. I think that in my effort to avoid Wendy that maybe I felt like I was showing her some of the same alienation that I had been feeling ever since we got married. I couldn't understand how we had gone from being so close during our dating and engagement time to all of a sudden being faced with a canyon-sized distance once we were married.

I could only think that actually being married to me probably sparked some sense of panic in Wendy that her life, as she knew it, with Kevin was permanently gone. I couldn't really begrudge her of that because I had spent an awfully long time trying to get over Connie and coming to terms with the life that she and I would never get to have. I remember thinking that no woman could ever possibly hold a candle to Connie. But that didn't stop me from trying. And then I met Wendy.

I had been underground for nearly two days and completely off the grid and radar. I had missed over 80 phone calls and 150 text messages from Wendy. Most of them were short, just begging me to call or telling me how much she loved me. My mind dismissed them as her being in panic mode, although my heart hoped that she truly was sorry and missed me. I hoped it wasn't because she just didn't want to be faced with the fact that her marriage was probably going to be shorter than Kim Kardashian's.

Tuesday morning I got to work at the fire station and took my seat as the Lieutenant on Engine 1. Things progressed normally until about 10:00 in the morning when my captain approached me during our morning fire training and said there was a visitor who wanted - no, make that DEMANDED to speak with me.

I went to the front office of the station and was greeted with none other than Ed Parmelly himself. Oh, shit.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Jack?" he shouted.

"Keep calm, Ed. You're in a public building."

"I don't give a shit! Wendy is at our house right now and she is a total wreck! Bad enough that you had to go and ruin hers and our vacation but did you really serve her divorce papers while she was at work???"

Oh, shit! I hadn't thought about that. The deputy who served her must have had to track her down and found her at the college.

"I didn't mean for her to get served in front of her colleagues, Ed. I didn't think about where they were going to serve her just that she was going to be served."

"Jesus Christ, you're an asshole, Jack! Just where in the hell do you get off having her served? As far as I'm concerned, Wendy ought to be kicking your ass to the curb!"

"It really doesn't matter, Ed. The fact to the matter is that Wendy and I getting married was obviously a mistake. And I don't need you to tell me that so I think you should just go," I said, trying to be calm and professional.

"You're goddamned right it was a mistake, one I tried desperately to talk her out of. It was too soon after losing Kevin. And one hell of a step down for her, too!"

"Whatever, Ed. You need to leave. You can either go peacefully or I can have my captain call the police and have you removed by force."

"Fine, jackass. I'll leave. I just wanted to personally tell you what a piece of shit I think you are. You never deserved Wendy. You are absolutely NOTHING compared to what my son was! I'm going to do whatever I can to make sure you don't come anywhere near her again!" Ed left the station and flung the door open so dramatically when he left that he ended up cracking the safety glass.

"You wanna tell me what the hell that was all about?" my captain, Luke Briggs asked.

"Wendy and I are splitting up."

"Jesus, Jack! Are you serious? What the hell happened?"

"I don't really wanna talk about it right now, Luke. Let's just get back to training."

"At least tell me who the hell that guy was. I'm gonna have to explain to the chief how the front door got busted."

"His name is Ed Parmelly. He's Wendy's former father-in-law and a major league asshole."

"Look, Jack," Luke said, "I'm worried about you. Are you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, Luke. I'll be fine. Let's just get back to training. It'll be easier if I just keep my mind off it, ya know?"

"Yeah, okay. But if I think you're having a hard time handling it, I'm gonna send you home on sick leave, okay?"

"Nah, that's okay, Luke. I've used up enough sick time already."

"The chief went through a bad divorce a few years ago, Jack. He'll understand."

"Yeah, okay. But I'll be fine. I promise."

Luke Briggs must have told the rest of the firefighters and medics on my shift. To their credit, none of them said anything to me about it. I guess they all probably knew how I felt. Monica Banner kept her distance, too, even though she knew more than everybody else.

I was thankful to get off work the next morning and grateful to have a couple of days off to think about what I was going to do. I hadn't heard anything more from Wendy, probably at Ed and Joanne's urging. I could imagine them just telling her to let me go and move on with someone better...someone like Nate, perhaps? I tried to shove such thoughts out of my head as I knew I wouldn't get anywhere with them and they would only make me feel worse.

I was on my drive back to my apartment when my cell phone rang. It was Danielle Nichols. Since I knew Wendy had to respond to the divorce petition within twenty days, I figured that Danielle might be calling with some news. I wasn't far off in my assumption, but there was a major twist.

"Jack, this is Danielle. I've got some news for you."

"Go ahead, I'm listening."

"Wendy apparently got a lawyer already, Malcolm Dunkirk. I know him. Surprisingly, for an opposing attorney, he's not really an asshole."

"Okay. And?"

"Wendy and her attorney are asking for a sit-down face-to-face meeting with you to go over your divorce petition."

"WHAT? Are you kidding me?"

"No. Wendy's attorney said that his client is willing to acquiesce to all of your requests so long as she can have the opportunity to speak to you face-to-face. Have you talked to her since she got back from her trip?"

"Yes, I have."

"Face-to-face?"

Damn. "No, not in person. I've pretty much been avoiding her like smallpox."

"Well, if Wendy is willing to give you what you want, I say we do it. Her attorney is asking for a meeting tomorrow at two o'clock at my firm. Can you be there?"

I let out a sigh. "Yeah, I'm off duty tomorrow. I can make it. I guess this thing is going to move faster than I thought."

"Yeah, it might, Jack. If you and she can agree on everything, you'll have your divorce within sixty days."

"Jesus. It took dating her almost a year and a half before I could muster the courage to ask her to marry me. And then another six months for an engagement. Almost two years to get married and we can flush it down the toilet in a little over two months. Wow."

"I know, Jack," Danielle said, sounding sympathetic. "But at least you can get started with the rest of your life."

"Yeah. There is that, I suppose."

I got back to my apartment and decided to clean up and go work out at a local gym for a while. Later on, I decided to get out of the apartment and treat myself to a drink and a bite to eat.

I ended up going to a place in Red River Falls calls The End Zone, which was a local sports bar that did its best to impersonate Buffalo Wild Wings. There were plenty of TV screens to watch just about every sporting event in the world that happened to be on at the time.

I bellied up to a seat at the end of their huge bar. It was great because a Vikings pre-season game was on and they were playing Oakland. I was hoping for great things this year from the Vikes and their new head coach, Mike Zimmer. Also, they had drafted Teddy Bridgewater and I was eager to see how Touchdown Teddy would fit in with the Vikings' offense. Considering the year we had last year, the Vikes certainly couldn't do any worse.

For the first time in as long as I could remember I actually had an appetite and decided to go with their house specialty burger, a bacon barbecue Swiss triple with jalapenos that had over a pound of meat and came to your table with a steak knife sticking out of the top of the bun. I got a side order of criss cut fries and a huge pilsner of some German beer whose name I couldn't even pronounce. It was setting up to be a good night of good food, great beer and mediocre pre-season football.

I was enjoying myself and the game so much that I didn't even really notice when someone snuck up behind me. I turned around to see none other than the sheriff of Mason County himself, Sheriff Pat Quinn.

"Jack! Jack Fitzgerald! I thought that was you!" he shouted.

I turned around on my bar stool and did my best to choke down a mouthful of burger and fries as I extended my hand.

"Sheriff Quinn! Great to see you! It's been quite a while!"