All Comments on 'The Ghost with a Deadly Bite!'

this story is a fantasy, never could happen. and what did he gain, he is still married to the bitch and cannot divorce her while she is commited.. a real unworkable sick story, why murder the lover when he could have sold her to some brothel in mexico..he is now a criminal and could use a long jail sentence

This is one of the best Halloween stories ever!!

Serve the cuckold pervert right a dead dude the lover a psycho no doubt . A long mental torture equates to 15 years of cheating,two years of infidelity.........

Very silly, reads like something that idiot jpb would write.

If she did time for felony murder, he could have divorced her with out giving her anything.

Very entertaining thanks for sharing.

Who would take such a complicated way to get rid of a cheating bitch? There were too many unlikely coincidences in this story (the guy beeing a pervert, the friend with access to the files, the likeness between both women) and too many possible obstacles to this plan.

then she was justified in cheating on him. And while he remains married to Sharon, having sex with other women is still cheating, so why is she vilified and he gets to fuck other women on the side.

this kind of douchebag is the lowest of the low, he pretends to be self-righteous and sanctimonious but when the chips are down, he is worse than anyone else.

As for the story, I went from sympathizing with the husband and hating his wife to hating the husband and pitying the wife. If that was your intent, then well done.

good read. I agree she should have just done time for murder and he should have gotten divorced and kept the full share of the marital assets.

Are we suppose to like the main character? He came across as a grade A douche.

I liked it. Some can't take it even as a Halloween story. :) It would be good to see more writers get a little twisted this time of year. How about a large man behind the door with an axe.

he should've just let her go to jail, then divorce her. So, he could have a clean break and find someone else to love him.

RHinSC said it.

It's a Halloween story. And, not a bad one at all. Expect for the punctuation errors and a few grammatical errors, but you did explain why it was rushed, so no real complaints.

I figured he'd end up tapping his wife's look alike, however. Alas, it wasn't to be.

"I loved my wife with every fiber of my bean."

Beans are a very good source of fiber.

But why the heck did he stay married to her? Maybe a romance with Carla would be in order.

That said, it needed to be longer, or jettison the college background and concentrate on the husband and wife's story as well as Carla's story. This would have added much needed tension. It would made the revenge that much more delicious and dramatic. Further the exposition of the plot felt very rushed. Drawing out the planning and plotting would have greatly added to the readers enjoyment and tension. nonetheless, a very good yarn. Thank you double entendre.

For a Voice recognition story, was not badly done, the "bean/being" howler was great.

And why enter this under 'Halloween'? There was scant reference anywhere in the tale.

and the Narrator really was a devious gent, i was expecting the Mrs to face the chair, really I was.

And does he initiate a relationship with the deceased's sister, with hair of any hue? That would've been one for the record books, a story wound up tighter that a watchspring.

Cheers,

and Thanks.

Kilroy

Thank you for putting identifiers on the speakers in your dialogue. I appreciate seeing "Jake said" and such. It appears awkward, but it certainly helps me to know who is speaking.

write more of the same very heavy on the revenge on the cause of the cheated on.

Very uncomfortable, but unlikely and undependable murder weapon. Agree with several about tenuous and forced Halloween link. Understand time crunch, but was he a grad student or a senior? What would be Sharon's motive for offing her lover? Given the video evidence, probably not critical, especially since he inexplicably didn't want her fried or in prison. Also agree that Carla follow-through was a natural, she looks right, hard worker and lonely plus has several good reasons to be fond of protagonist.

what a way to go and end up after having the worlds fair at your disposal. A sequel or epilog should be forthcoming. TK U MLJ LV NV

I'm not certain how he wins in this story.

Exactly MissouriUSA.

Like a Tom and Jerry cartoon: it ain't never gonna happen, but its funny to watch. "Maybe next time he will remember to bring batteries" -- I'm still laughing out loud

But really I am at a loss as to why you would submit an un-edited story to a contest.

Probably not a dependable way to fatally poison someone, and the trip through the legal system is also unsure (even better would be '25 to life' for Murder One), but is a fairly tight little revenge tale...I thought he might hook up with Carla, since he likes the look (except for the drapes and the rug)!

I agree with others that more time and an editor might have helped here, but the basic premise of the Ghost peppers is totally believable. Not many people know about the "grey death" peppers I used to dice up and put in small scrap meatballs to kill the rats in my hut by the Mekong. The pepper bits would eat through their stomach walls and skins. Cooking for us required dangling one the jalapeno-sized peppers from a thread with a couple lengthwise razor slices in it, then dipping into the sauce for a minute or less. We never got the ever-present dysentary or cholera; but there was lots of squealing in the night and death for the rats. To my knowledge, the "ghost" peppers have never been tested for Capstacin; and there is no antidote for an overdose. The coroner must have had a field day with this one. Keep'em coming, Keemo sabe.

after careful and deliberate plans, TK U MLJ LV NV

Sometimes poor editing can brighten a person's day...

A lot of fun - the editing is needed yes but get past it - the story works nicely -

Touch of tongue in cheek but it didn't flow. Very good base but not well executed.

Maybe a good editor could help you. I liked the premise but your execution just didn't flow well.

Man! No batteries? Now that is down right mean!

And putting away inconvenient wives into a private asylum, so Nineteenth Century..

In the end he did not get his freedom from her. he needs to find a way to

divorce her and keep his money. make a deal, divorce, not guilty being nuts.

and little money to leave town. nice tale with no ending.

Fire from chili powder, really?!

Why defend her so well in court?

Wouldn't it have been better to let her be convicted and divorce her?

At least that way he'd be free of her, as it is should she be able to convince the doctors that she's "cured" she gets out and collects half his money.

Why just scorch them then pull them out?

When you burn them, burn them.

Currently Bhut Jolokia peppers are ranked seventh hottest.

Some people have an allergic reaction to hot chili peppers and go into anaphylactic shock from ingesting them.

Way to go. Fucking whore deserved all she got. Responding to the last comment, with her in the institution he has total control, meaning she will never get out. In prison she could possibly get parole. Interesting he didn't make a play for the innocent look-alike but it had no effect on the tale.

Five Stars

Let's just call this one an interesting fantasy.

and he loved her with his whole bean? did you mean bean stalk?

This is not quite a loving wife story to be exact but, likable enough for me to want another chapter or more about what happened to Carla.

Peppers can be very very hot once I ate part of a small one, it was sooo hot it made my ears hurt for a whole day. Chalk that one up to a learning experience!

People must remember that these stories are coming from someone's imagination. The dude can make himself fly if he wants. Don't get to excited by things you don't fully understand. Bottom line it's a story.

''He agreed to drop idea of PROCLAMATION in exchange...''

I am guessing you meant PROCREATION as the idea of children was being discussed.

Keep writing you will continue to improve and this genre needs new blood!

That last sentence was COLD!!! Great read! Keep up the good work.

I thought the idea was to get rid of a cheating spouse and protect the assets? What you ended up doing was go against the plan you wrote and kept him married to the cheating slut and STILL left his finances subject to distribution when you divorce her or when SHE divorced him after she gets out of the Looney bin. And why didn't he divorce her?

Since he didn't divorce her during her murder trial any divorced judge would determine he accepted his wife's cheating and therefore keeper eligible for financial support.

You went off the rails on this at the end.

Going until the plan was put into action then it just fell apart. There could have been soooo many good ways to end it But , unfortunately, you missed them all. Please try a rewrite, you are a good writer.

Everyone got their revenge. Cheating wife locked up for lfe. Hubby happy and Bastard Larry is burned literally. Good times.

Too complicated. Was all predicated on the victim drinking the poison..

Great literal Burn the Bastard and lock up the bitch story. Ghost Peppers are real!

The last two lines alone were worth the read! This is one of those few stories where I actually wish I knew more. The dark-haired sister is interesting and I'd like to know how she got on these years?

what a way to go

Nice story. I like it. AAAA++++

What a hoot!

Very, very clever 👏

That was one heck of a plan that worked perfectly.

I’m disappointed. I wanted the slut to end up in prison, getting abused by the women who felt that she was foolish. I wanted Carla to decompress after years of fear, and to learn to enjoy sex.

ZK