The Gift

Janice looked Kathy right in the eyes and asked "Do you really love my cousin."

Kathy assured Janice "Yes I do, I love him very much."

"I hope you mean that." Janice warned. I don't want Tom hurt anymore." Kathy asked her why she was so concerned.

Janice gave Kathy the short version of Tom's childhood saying "Tom's mother died of stomach cancer when he was seven years old. His father turned to alcohol and drank himself to death with sclerosis of the liver when he was twelve. He was taken in by my family. My Mom is his Aunt, his mother's sister. For some reason dad did not want the responsibility of raising Tom but Mom insisted that only family would raise her sisters boy. As a result Tom was always made to feel unwanted by dad, a burden on the family. Tom had commitment issues with girls in High School and was always absent from afterschool functions. He was literally a lone wolf with no friends. The only thing that saved him was that he was one tough kid. He would fight anyone at the drop of a hat and usually won. While it did not make him any friends most everybody left him alone. It didn't hurt me to have him as my, older brother. The mention of his name to any bully usually ended any further problems." Have you seen all the scars on Tom's body?" Kathy was interested. Tom would never speak about how he received the scars.

Kathy said "I have, he told me they were from a bullet, shrapnel and on the left side of his body, a knife cut.

Janice continued "All the scars were related to his military experiences except the knife cut. He had gotten that defending her inside a bar from two drunken bikers.

Kathy had never heard about that and had to know what happened and Janice was all too happy to tell her.

"Tom was home on leave after his first tour in Iraq. She went to The Dew Drop Inn, one of the local bars in town that was frequented by a rough crowd, bikers, and truckers. Why Angie wanted to go there is still a mystery to me. Tom was there having a few beers with two army buddies that came home on leave with him. I didn't see him when we walked in."

"Angie and I were at a table when two unsavory guys asked us to dance. One was a big guy with short hair and a black biker jacket on. They other one was smaller with dirty stringy dark hair. I can still see them like it happened yesterday. We told them no thanks. They wouldn't take no for an answer. Dirty hair guy got upset and started calling us whores and cock teasers. The bigger of the two grabbed my arm and tried to pull me out of the booth."

"Out of nowhere Tom appeared and pushed the big guy off me. The big guy swung at Tom and missed then Tom pummeled his face with his fists until the big guy went down. As he turned to face the dirty hair guy I saw the knife slash down the lower portion of toms' stomach opening a large cut. To my amazement he never showed any reaction, instead kicking the guy is his knee. I could hear the bones breaking and he went down in a heap. Three swift kicks to his groin ended the fight."

"That Kathy is why Tom is my favorite Cousin. Who knows what could have happened if he wasn't there. I am very protective of him. I do not want anything bad to happen to him. If you hurt him you will have me to deal with." Kathy was surprised to learn about her soon to be husbands violent past. He had always been kind and gentle to her. She did feel safer knowing he was a man who could protect her if he had to.

Kathy assured Janice again "After hearing how he protected you I think I love him now even more. I promise you I will never hurt him." Ruefully, Kathy thought that was another promise she made that she did not keep. Kathy remembered the day this box came to her office. She had received it again by Fedex messenger, on the Monday after the Saturday confrontation. It came with out flowers. She thought he figured she did not deserve flowers from him anymore. She also refused to play the CD for the girls again and played it for Lisa and Rose in her car after work. Both Lisa and Rose wanted to know the meaning behind the song as it had no card. As Kathy told the girls about his younger years, the deaths of his family and not getting any love or acceptance until he met Kathy.

Now, years later she realized she did not understand the meaning of the song when she first heard it. She just thought it meant he loved her more then she loved him. She did not shed a tear when she listened to the song when she first played it in her car. Lisa and Rose said nothing to comfort her that day, they just left the car. As she placed it in the CD player the Bee Gees tune "To Love Somebody" started playing.

There's a light, A certain kind of light

That never shone on me

In my brain, I see your face again

I'm a man, can't you see what I am

I live and breathe for you

But what good does it do

If I aint got you, aint got you? baby

You don't know what it's like,

To love somebody

The way I love you

Tears flowed from Kathy's eyes over her cheeks into her mouth. She could taste the bitter tears on her tongue. She knew now what the song meant. She was the light. Tom wanted Kathy's love to shine on him, as no love had ever been shined on him. Tom thought Kathy was that person. Kathy had stolen it from him, maybe the one thing Tom craved most in the world. Kathy wished she had it to do all over again. If she only knew then what she knew now she would still be married to Tom.

She placed the box back in the case and pulled the last white box from the case. The last white box she would ever get from him. The last white box in front of the black box. She remembered all too well when she received this box. This box came on the Friday after she received the Bee Gees CD. Kathy, Lisa and Rose were walking out of the office building where they all worked. As they were walking towards the parking lot they heard someone yell.

"Kathy wait!"

They looked in the direction of the sound and saw Tom jogging up the street. Tom was dressed in his usual tight fitting blue jeans, a tucked in sky blue short sleeve button down chambray and work shoes. Kathy admitted to herself he did look good jogging to them.

Rose whispered to Kathy "If he were mine I don't think I could have thrown him back." Kathy gave her a disdainful look as he drew near and started walking up to them. They all could not help but notice that he had a white box in his left hand.

"Hi" he said. Kathy could see him look her over starting at her knees, slowly traveling up to her eyes, where their eyes locked for a second. Reluctantly he tore his eyes off Kathy, turned to Rose and Lisa." He nodded a greeting them. The women nodded back in acknowledgement. He turned back to Kathy and said

"You look well".

"Thank you" Kathy said in return. An awkward silence followed.

Finally Tom spoke "Kathy, I need to talk to you for a few minutes, would that be all right?"

Kathy replied "I don't know Tom, I have to be getting home, John will be waiting for me."

"I know, he said, this will only take a few minutes, surely you can spare five minutes for an old friend." When he said old friend and not former lover or jilted husband she knew he did not want to fight and decided to give him his five minutes.

Tom turned to the girls and saying "I want to talk to Kathy in private, I hope you don't mind." He started walking Kathy to her car. Both Rose and Lisa followed right behind them. They both liked Tom but at this stage they did not know if he were capable of violence against her. After walking a few feet he noticed that they were following along behind them. Tom turned to look at them and a small smile crossed his face.

"Ok, I guess I will have to do this in front of you." He turned to Kathy and started speaking. "Please let me finish what I have to say with out interrupting me. I have to say it all and if you say anything I will not be able to finish. OK? Kathy nodded. Tom began, "I know I am not a college educated man. I don't speak well, it's my own fault, and I know that. I have never been able to express my feelings openly. I suppose I did not tell you I loved you often enough, or how much you mean, or meant to me. I tried to rely on the songs and the meanings in the lyrics to let you know how much I loved even needed you. Obviously I failed miserably. I loved you more than you will ever know, I was so happy with our lives together. I guess my happiness blinded me to your unhappiness. I am truly sorry I could not see it and did nothing to make it better. I want you to have this." He handed her the box. "It will be my last gift to you. Its meaning is as much for you as it is for me. If you don't respond to the song I will not bother you again. I will never come here to your work or you new home. If I see you on the street it will be strictly by accident I assure you. If your car breaks down you can bring it in for repairs." With a little smile he said "of course this time I will charge you." Kathy, remembering their first meeting smiled also. "Well, I guess that's all I wanted to say."

He started to turn away then turned back. "There is one more thing. I want to thank you. We had three great years together. The three best years of my life actually, and I will always remember them and think of you fondly."

Finally Tom turned and spoke to Rose and Lisa. "Ladies, you showed me something today with your courage and loyalty. I am glad Kathy has friends such as you. I know you will look out for her. I am just surprised that you would think so badly of me. Did you really think I would do anything to h.., and with the word hurt Tom's voice cracked and he took a second to recover. He continued "that I would do anything to hurt her. Since this will probably be the last time we ever see each other this will really be our goodbye. I wish you both the best that you find whatever it is that you are seeking in life, and that when you find it you both get to keep it." Tom's voice cracked again on the word keep but he was able to continue speaking with out stopping.

By this time Rose was openly crying and gave Tom a big hug. When she did so Tom whispered in her ear that "If anyone tries to hurt or bother Kathy, will you let me know?" When they broke the hug Rose crying and smiling at the same time, shook her head yes, indicating she would let him know. He then hugged Lisa goodbye and asked her the same question.

She whispered "I will." Tom turned and walked away never once looking back at the girls. He knew he couldn't. They would see the tears in his eyes.

The girls watched Kathy's husband walk away. Rose turned to Kathy and said "If you let him walk away after that John had better be worth it." Lisa just shook her head. The few times she met John Lisa thought him a complete asshole. Lisa tried hard but she could not see what Kathy saw. She thought Kathy was making a mistake and one time had told her so. Kathy got so upset it almost ruined their friendship. Lisa did not say much about it after that.

Once again the three of them got into Kathy's car to listen to the CD. Once again there was no card or note to go with the CD. Kathy took the CD in her hand and hesitated before putting in the player.

Kathy looked to Rose, then Lisa and asked "Should I listen to it?"

Lisa said "Whatever you want. I 'm not going to get in the middle of this."

It was rose who spoke up "After the way he exposed his innermost feelings you have to listen to the song. You owe him at least that much." Kathy thought it over and her curiosity got the better of her and she slipped it into the slot on the player. The sounds of the Beatles singing the ballad "This Boy" softly came out of the speakers. Tom felt it summed up the situation perfectly. Someone stole his wife Kathy from him. John undoubtedly wanted her but did not love her like Tom loved Kathy. Even though Kathy hurt him badly Tom would still take her back. He wanted her to know that. Even though Tom was wronged, he loved Kathy and would endure the pain, any amount of pain to get the woman he loved back. Tom was also sure that John would hurt Kathy in the long run. He had met his kind before. John was a user. He would use Kathy for sex then dump her when he was through with her.

Kathy listened to the haunting lyrics of the song and realized that Tom and the Beatles were prophets.

That boy took my love away

He'll regret it someday

That boy isn't good for you

Tho' he may want you too

This boy wants you back again.

This boy wouldn't mind the pain

Would always feel the same

If this boy gets you back again.

She realized in the end John did regret it; he was not good for her and made her cry. In the car that day Kathy did not understand or believe the words sung by the Beatles. Tom's reliance on the songs to convey his feeling once again did not achieve his goal. Kathy did not contact Tom.

As she placed the Beatles recording back into its place in the line she was reminded that she had heard those words spoken to her by Tom before. Ashamed that she had forgotten she reached in the case of boxes. Her fingers trembled as she reached into the case. They settled on the first white box. Kathy closed her eyes as shame washed over her face. He had told her what he was doing with the very first box he gave her.

She thought back to the day she received it. Kathy and Lisa were on their way to the mall. It was a Sunday morning. Tom was taking Kathy on a picnic that afternoon. Kathy wanted to buy some new clothes. Kathy was driving when Lisa asked her the question.

"So how is it going with your mechanic?" kidded Lisa. Kathy immediately got annoyed and fired back

"He is not just a mechanic, he owns his own business. You know that."

"Calm down. I was just joking with you. So what is going on with you two?" asked Lisa.

"He loves me, I know that much" Kathy answered.

"And you know this how?" inquired Lisa.

Kathy responded, "I can tell by the way his smile lights up his face whenever he see's me. My car has never run so good. He has me bring it in all the time and has his guys work on it. I think there is nothing wrong with it, he wants to see me. He always has lunch waiting for me when I get there. God help someone if they hit on me while he is around. I have broken up two pissing matches already. He takes me places treats me good and is very protective. He loves me alright. I just know it. He just hasn't said it to me yet."

"Why not? What is holding him back?" asked Lisa.

Kathy stopped at a light and explained "Well, I think he might be waiting for me to make the first move. He is really a shy guy around women." replied Kathy.

Lisa looked at Kathy and asked her "What about you? Do you love him?"

"Truthfully I am not sure. I think I do but I am just not sure." replied Kathy.

"Not sure won't work with a guy like Tom. You have to be in love with the man before you can say you love him. So tell me the truth. Do you love him?" asked Lisa.

It took a while before Kathy answered. "It's been so long since I felt something like love for any man. Not since John."

Lisa had enough of John Williams and now told Kathy so. "I don't want to hear any more about John. He screwed you over. He left and never came back. Not even a phone call or email. John may have had lust for you but not love. If he loved you he would be here with you. You have a guy who you think loves you, and he is right here. He won't tell you he loves you? Maybe he can sense you don't love him enough and he doesn't want to commit. If you want to keep him you better make up your mind real quick, or you will lose him." Lisa exclaimed. "If you let him go you will be sorrier losing Tom then John Williams." Lisa muttered under her breath.

Kathy thought about what Lisa had told her. She thought she loved Tom but still could not get John out of her mind. Still she did not want to lose Tom. She knew there was no one better out there for her, and she could do a lot worse.

Kathy took her time getting ready for today's date. It was a picnic in River Park, so named for the river that ran through it. She wore a pair of cut off short jeans and a red checkered shirt tied below her breasts showing her midriff. Since it was Florida wearing a pair of flip flops is always acceptable. They had a great day at the park. Tom brought some good food, two bottles of wine one blanket for both of them to sit on. After the day was done the happy couple returned to Kathy's apartment. Tom told "Kathy, Sorry sweetie, but I have to leave early tonight."

"Why so soon?" Kathy whined. We just got here. We can have more wine, sit and talk. What do you say?"

"I cant tonight" Tom complained unhappily. "I have a meeting with a representative from Avis to provide roadside assistance to vehicles in this area. It could be revenue stream for my business, and maybe someday our business babe. I have to be ready. I need my wits about me tomorrow. There are too many numbers to remember. I'm sorry Babe, but I have to go." Kathy was sad but resigned.

"I know you have to go honey. Call me tomorrow when the meeting is over?" she asked. He walked to her and gave her a kiss.

"You can count on it." He replied huskily.

After he left Kathy changed into something more comfortable a tee shirt and sweat pants. As Kathy lounged watching TV she was taken by surprise to hear the doorbell ring. Peering out thru the peephole she saw Tom standing there and threw open the door letting him. She was pleasantly surprised.

"Did you forget something" she asked breathlessly.

"Yes and it is you." He replied. Once again gathered her in his arms and kissed her. He took a step back and for the first time Kathy saw a thin white box. Tom held it in front of him so Kathy could see it. "Tomorrow I will be meeting with a powerful representative of a potential business partner. I will be able to speak to him as an equal, tell him what I think and listen to his responses with no trouble. With you however, I have more of a problem. Kathy, for some reason I can't express myself as verbally as I want to." Tom stammered. He then handed her the box and said "I hope this tells you how I feel about you. Call me anytime." he gulped. Kathy took the box as Tom walked out of the apartment. Kathy was confused by his actions. She went to the window and watched him drive away before opening the box. Inside there was a CD and a note. Kathy remembered that night as if it was yesterday. She placed the CD in the player and read the note again, as she did that night. A Randy Travis song played on the player.

When you meet that certain someone

You've been searching hard to find

In the time we've spent together

I have learned to trust in you.

It completes a perfect union

between a woman and a man.

So please don't misunderstand me,

I don't want to go too far

Without knowing just one answer

Can I trust you with my heart?

The only thing written on the note was the line "Can I trust you with my heart?"

That night Kathy thought for a minute and then called Tom on her cell. When he answered hello all she said was "Yes." Tom asked her

"What?"

Kathy answered "You can trust me with your heart."

"I'll be right back." Tom shouted through the phone. Kathy was waiting in the hall as Tom ran up the stairs. He picked her up in his arms and carried her into the apartment, kicking the door shut with his foot. His voice trembled as he told her "I love you Kathy. I love you like I have never loved another person on this earth"

"I feel the same about you" Kathy Cooed. They made love for the first time that night. In his excitement Tom never noticed that Kathy did not actually say the words "I love you too."

Kathy cried when she thought of that night. She now realized too late that she did love him too. Maybe she loved him the first time she saw him in the repair shop. Now it was all too late.