The Grass is Always Greener

He'd treated me better over the summer than my husband had the entire time we were together. I also wanted him badly. Even if we stayed just friends, he was definitely worth pursuing. Even my brother often remarked that he'd never seen me as happy as I'd been this entire summer.

There was also the fact that if Bill hadn't come up with the idea of keeping Eleanor, I'd have had to come up with something on my own. I needed a reason for us to continue seeing each other throughout the fall and winter. What better reason than I just wanted to check on my car?

"It does sound like a good idea," I said hesitantly. "But..." I began to say. Bill shook his head and placed a key on the table and slid it over to me.

"Here's the key to my house," he said. "This way you can check on her any time of the day or night, whenever you want."

I made a valiant attempt to keep my face neutral as I slowly nodded. I intended to go through his house with a fine tooth comb. Call me nosey or whatever, but all women do it. We just need to know everything possible about our men and whether he wanted to admit it or not, Bill was mine. Just friends my ass; you simply don't give someone who is just a friend their own key to your place.

Following that evening, I called Bill often and just dropped by mostly on the pretense of seeing my car. Bill always told me that there was no need to call first.

"What if you're with a date or something?" I said.

"Sarah, you know I don't date," he said. "I have no interest in dating."

"Well what if you have friends over?" I asked. He shrugged his shoulder and looked at the floor.

"You're my only friend," he said. His admission was so sad and from the tone of his voice, I could tell he was telling me the absolute truth. It just broke my heart.

"I mean you know like your guy friends," I said. "You know guys that you have over to watch the game, or go to a bar or the movies with."

"I don't drink so I don't go to bars," he said. "And if I go to the movies, I just go alone. There are no guy friends either, Sarah. Guys betray you just as easily as women do and it hurts just as bad."

That told me all I needed to know. Bill had mentioned that he was divorced and I figured that was why he was so down on women. Now I know that there was more to it than just a run of the mill divorce and that someone he'd considered a friend was involved. Maybe one of his friends had given testimony against Bill during divorce or had been supposed to help him hide some of his assets and kept or sold them. Maybe there was a car involved because Bill was really serious about his cars.

"Bill, I'll never betray you," I said in a small voice. "And you never have to do anything alone."

That night set the tone for the way that things would become for us. That night we crossed the first of a series of lines. Over the next few weeks things began to happen and they sped up quickly.

It was only about ten days from then that I lost my job. I worked as the secretary to one of the accountants in a mid-sized accounting firm. There was no drama. My boss had a heart attack. His doctor suggested that he needed to take some time off from work or move into a less pressure filled position. He decided to retire. He'd passed retirement age several years previous but simply kept working because he loved his job. The firm decided not to replace him. They'd simply spread his work out among the other ten guys they had in his position. That left me out in the cold.

I was really upset and I turned to the two men who were closer to me than anyone else. My brother sympathized with me and told me that if the bills got too tight I could always move in with him. I thought about it. I knew that since his wife had passed he was alone in his house.

When I told Bill about it he just smiled and said, "Texas Roadhouse."

I thought that he was trying to take me out to cheer me up and I loved him for it but he had something else in mind. He kept looking at his watch, while we ate. At about eight-thirty he made a call.

"Elise, how are your classes going?" he asked. "That's good."

I could hear someone talking on the other end of the phone and Bill continued to eat as he listened. He even looked at his watch as he listened to her as if he had a certain period of time allowed for listening to her side of the conversation.

"Well Elise," he said. "I've been thinking about you a lot lately." That immediately pissed me off. I didn't want him thinking about some other woman.

"I've decided to change my policy, at least for you," he said. "I'm going to promote you to sales even without your degree. Of course, I can't pay you what the other sales guys get for their base salary until you graduate in June, but you'll be getting the same thing they get for commissions and it will probably be more than what you're getting now." I could hear excited screams coming from the phone. This Elise sounded like she was very young and she was in college too. I was getting more upset as time went on.

The he looked at me with a little smile. "My secretary just got promoted into sales," he smirked. "Do you know anywhere that I could find a good personal assistant?" I just stared at him with my mouth open.

That was how I started working for Bill. The next shock came in the middle of winter it was about a week before Christmas. Bill came out into my part of the office. He handed me a box and smiled. "Merry Christmas, Sarah," he told me.

"Thanks Bill," I said. "But why are you giving it to me so early, Christmas is a week away. I haven't even had time to get your gift yet."

"You can give it to me when I get back," he said.

"Bill, where are you going?" I asked.

"Sarah, the whole Christmas thing just depresses me. I'm cold, I'm alone and it's just not any fun. So rather than drag everyone else down with me, I'm going on a cruise," he said.

"Who are you going with?" I asked immediately.

"No one," he said quietly. For the rest of the day he made plans and lists of everything he'd need. As his personal assistant I got to make some of his arrangements. Bill didn't have a cabin mate. He'd had to book a normal sized cabin that two people could sleep in comfortably. I decided to lay all of my cards on the table.

"Bill, how are we getting to the airport?" I asked.

"Well I'm going to drive the jeep and park it in long term parking," he said.

"Should I drive there too or are you going to pick me up?" I asked.

"What are you talking about?" he smiled. "I'm a big boy. I don't need anyone to drive me to the airport."

"Bill, I'm cold too. I've never been on a cruise and I don't want to spend Christmas alone either. You and I always have a good time when we're together. There's no pressure, it just means that we don't have to be alone. I'll pay you back the money for the cruise. You can keep my Christmas bonus as a start."

"But Sarah, there aren't any cabins available," he said.

"I'll share yours," I said. "It won't be anything big, there's plenty of room."

He pulled a quarter out of his pocket and threw it up. "Heads or tails," he said.

"Heads," I yelled. George Washington looked up at us from the floor. He shrugged.

"You get the bed the first night," he said.

Two days later we were aboard the ship. Everything was wonderful. With the package that Bill had paid for, everything was included. I was worried because on some ships, they nickel and dime you over everything after you're aboard. You have to pay for drinks and everything costs an arm and a leg. But Bill had made sure that everything was included. There were some things that were supposed to be charged for but we just showed our room cards and they were billed to the room.

The second day out we decided to go up on deck and get some sun. My brother had decided to spend the holidays with some of our relatives out of state and when I called him and told him I was working on my tan he was jealous.

Jealousy was the theme that day apparently. Before we left the cabin, I got a glimpse of Bill in his long shorts and sandals. I knew that he was in shape but I had no idea that he was that well-muscled. I mean I knew he ran, I'd watched him run in a couple of races over the summer and fall but I had no idea that he was built like that. I found myself sucking in my stomach all the time when I was around him.

Every time one of the women on the cruise started the routine I got angry. The routine went like this. Some female porter or server would say, "Your husband is really cute/attractive/hot." And I'd say, "He's not my husband," or, "We're not married." Bill would get a lot of attention and I'd get pissed. I even think they were telling other women, because Bill started to get hit on a lot.

Of course, once we got on deck, I got a lot of guys looking at me too. A couple of the bolder ones even came over to talk to us. They spoke to Bill too, not to be rude. But when they found out that we weren't married, they gave me a lot of attention and Bill didn't bat an eyelash.

I remember telling him how much they got on my nerves. "You're an attractive woman," he said. "You should expect it."

The problem was that Bill just couldn't see things the right way. Okay, for a lot of guys maybe I was attractive. Not every guy of course, but for the ones who like a big butt and a chest, I'm their girl. There were two problems with this. The first was that most of these guys didn't want a relationship with me. They didn't want to get to know me. It was that whole cruise ship experience coloring the way they saw things. On the ship, everything you need or want is provided for you. All you have to do is ask for it and you can have it.

So they saw big tits and a nice butt and they thought that those were provided for them too. In short, all they wanted was to fuck me. A week from now they wouldn't even remember my name or my face. The second thing was that I was already somebody else's girl whether he wanted to claim me or not.

The nights were even worse. We took strolls along the deck that were so romantic I wanted to scream. The funniest thing was that neither one of us could dance. So when we got up to dance one night to one of the slow songs in one of the clubs, it just fucked my mind up. I was watching all of the couples dancing and maybe Bill caught a glimpse of the longing in my eyes.

"Why don't you dance with one of those guys," he said.

"Why don't you dance with me," I snapped. "Then I wouldn't have to worry about some lounge lizard grabbing my fat ass or trying to rub himself on my chest."

"If your ass is so fat why would they want to grab it?" he asked. "And it you're worried about your chest just step back from them."

"You're supposed to be my friend," I said. "Why can't you protect me from that kind of thing?"

"I can't dance a step," he said. "I just wanted you to have a good time."

"I am having a good time," I said. "And I can't dance either."

"You know not everyone fits into the same box," he said.

"Are we talking about caskets?" I asked.

"No, we're talking about you," he said. "I'm getting tired of the fat girl comments. You're really pretty. Not every guy likes the skinny girl type and you're not fat. You should see guys watch you in your swim suit even with all of the skinny girls there."

I didn't say anything. I tried to keep my face frowned up, even though I was so happy inside that I was about to burst.

"Okay, let's dance," he said. "We'll just fake it and do what everyone else is doing. We'll just make little circles and not crash into anyone. You don't have to worry about me grabbing your butt or your chest."

"Please grab my butt," I thought as I nodded.

I know that he did it for me. We've talked about it since then, a lot. But it was the worst idea ever. It almost ruined the good time we were having. Hell, it almost ended us. We walked out onto the dance floor and Bill put his arms around me. I got dizzy before we even started to move. When we got closer and our bodies touched the reaction which had been building for months just erupted, we couldn't help it. I almost blacked out it was so strong.

Forget about dancing, I was ready to fuck him right there on the dance floor in front of everyone. And as much as he tried to hide it, Bill was as hard as a rock. He wanted me badly too. He kept trying to pull away from me, but I was out of it. Every time he'd step back, I pushed myself more into him. I wanted to feel that thing against me even if it was only for a dance. And shit, we had all of our clothes on, what could it hurt. I don't think anyone noticed anything. But Bill abruptly just took my hand and led me back to our table.

"Sorry," he said. "You probably should have tried to dance with someone who knows how."

"Yeah," I snapped. My anger was out of control because I wanted him so God damned badly and he just couldn't see it.

"Or at least I should have danced with someone who doesn't mind having the fat girl touching them." I walked away from him and headed back to our cabin.

* * * * * *

Bill

It took a lot less time than I expected. Barely three days after hearing that Rebecca's husband is a good guy, the PI called me back. He told me he had something for me. I went to his office and he had a DVD and several audio CD's for me. I locked myself in my office and watched the DVD.

I saw Rebecca leaving the building she worked at. She got into her car and drove to a bar. She didn't get out right away but when she did her skirt was a lot higher than when she first got into the car.

She sat at a booth with a couple of other women, one of whom was Bonnie. Rebecca got up and danced with several men. All of them had their hands all over her ass and were clearly grinding her. She didn't seem to mind. After dancing a couple of dances, Rebecca went out to the parking lot with one of the guys. He pulled his car away from the building and they got into the backseat.

When they were done, Rebecca repeated the performance a few more time before she went home. The other two women from her table stayed at the table and talked to each other. Both went home before Rebecca did.

There were several days of that same kind of thing. There were also worse things. There was an incident where Rebecca left her house while her husband was doing some work in their yard. He went over and kissed her as she left. She smiled but pulled away after giving him barely a peck. She drove to a shopping mall and before she went into the mall started talking to two big guys. After a while they left together and went to a motel. Rebecca went into the room with both men and didn't come out for a long time. During that period of time at least three other men went in. My heart clutched in my chest as I watched the DVD.

This was the woman I'd become obsessed with? Still some little part of me wanted to believe that this wasn't happening. I turned off the DVD in disgust.

The CD's were recordings of some of her phone calls. In one call to Bonnie, the two women almost ended their friendship over the phone. Bonnie was upset because some man wouldn't call her. Rebecca told her that it was her own fault for allowing herself to be treated like that.

"What do you want me to do Beck?" asked Bonnie. "Become a whore like..."

"Were you about to call me a whore?" asked Rebecca.

"No," said Bonnie. "Whores at least do it for money. The thing I don't understand is why you treat Johnny the way you do. He deserves better. If you don't love him, why not just tell him. You go out every night and fuck as many guys as you can stuff into your gash. Most of the time, you don't even give him a sniff. And Becky, he loves you so much."

"That's not your business Bonnie," snapped Rebecca. "Maybe I will let him go some day. He's a good security blanket, but he just doesn't make enough money to support me the way I need. I might be moving on soon though. I've got a line on someone who has his own business who might be just as obsessed with me as Johnny is."

"You have tons of guys who are obsessed with you and I can't even get Kirk to call me back," said Bonnie. "I'll talk to you later Beck. I'm going to call him again."

Hearing poor Bonnie talking about the way that my best friend was treating her made me feel worse. I blamed myself because Kirk had never been interested in her. He'd fucked her and pumped her for information to help me get to Rebecca. I was also disgusted because Rebecca was nothing like the way I'd built her up in my mind. Kirk had been right about her all the time.

I felt like a fool. Then things got worse. The CD continued. Rebecca called another woman. She told the other woman how upset Bonnie had gotten. She told her that Bonnie was stupid and naive. She told the woman that the only reason that she hadn't cursed Bonnie off for practically calling her a whore was because Rebecca was fucking Bonnie's man too. That was why Kirk wasn't calling Bonnie. He was too busy fucking Rebecca himself.

I got angry then. I wasn't angry at Kirk. He'd told me from the beginning what a whore he thought Rebecca was and that going after her would be a mistake. I was angry at myself. I was a fool. I had a woman at home who loved me enough that none of Kirk's bullshit could make a dent in her. She had frustrated him and totally frozen him out. I'd been ready to throw away years of history and a jewel of a woman for a whore. Nature always did make the deadliest plants the prettiest.

I'd looked for grass that was greener than my own and found it. The problem was that the grass was always greener over the septic tank. The grass was the prettiest shade of green in the places where the ground was full of shit.

Before I threw them away, I looked at the next scene on the DVD. The investigator had finally managed to get a camera on the inside of a motel room that Rebecca used. It was like a really badly shot porno movie. Rebecca, who really didn't look as good naked as she looked clothed was like a pincushion. She just sucked and fucked everything that was aimed at her, while moaning and begging for more. I felt my stomach churning even as I watched.

I called Kirk and told him to stop trying to get Irene to sleep with him. I told him I owed him one but I'd decided to take his advice about Rebecca.

"I'm glad you finally listened to me," he said. "She's just another whore. She's not worth you messing up your marriage over. Now what the two of you need to do is just settle down and have some little fat babies. Name the first one after me and we're even."

"Will do Buddy," I said as I hung up. I never mentioned to him that I knew about him and Rebecca. I figured the two of them deserved each other.

* * * * * *

Sarah

Everything had been going so well. It had all been too perfect. And now I'd just ruined it all by trying to push too fast. Part of the problem was that I'd been lying to Bill for so long. I loved him more every God damned day. I wouldn't ever betray him. Shit, after the way my ex had treated me there was simply no way I could do that to anyone else. And besides, my ex cheating on me, he'd done a number on my head. He'd been the one who convinced me that I just wasn't pretty enough. But Bill thought so and that was enough.

Bill was always telling me that. Both in words and the way he stole little glances at me all the time when he thought I wasn't looking. And certainly in the way his dick had turned into a rock when I pressed myself against him.

Then suddenly I knew what I had to do. I had gotten this far by lying, but I was on the verge of losing him. Maybe another lie could keep us together. I showered and instead of putting on my usual thick pajamas, I put on the tiniest panties I had and a bra that I knew wouldn't keep the girls in. Then I got into the bed, even though it was Bill's night to sleep in it.