All Comments on 'The green-eyed bridesmaid'

An editor (or better one, if you already have an editor) would help.

But the major question on my mind is: What was the point in this story?

It's too short, too rushed, and there is no real build up to the incest. It's over in a flash, it's a minute fraction of the story, and ultimately serves zero purpose in terms of furthering character development or the plot so far.

The outline for this story would look like:

Build-up to wedding.

Wedding.

Objection.

Random DVD-delivered flashback to incestuous lesbian revenge-fueled tirade (for no real reason other than "envy", which just doesn't give enough depth to the characters or their issues).

Regret.

I think this story happens in everyday life on different levels. We do things to hopefully change the other persons mind by opening a can of worms but we fail to forget that we are exposing ourselves too. Maybe she thought everyone would side with her ... but society in general dont care about the moral issue ... in this case the bridesmaid messed up a good party.

Ha Ha, I couldn't stop laughing.

"You know they say if you want to make

God laugh tell him your plans."

Lisa shouldn't have made plan's...

This barely belongs in this category. The sister was undoubtedly a massively jealous bitch to do that. She premeditated the whole thing, and paid the price. It's unforgivable, but yet I do feel a bit sorry for her despite that. We all make mistakes, although hers is beyond the pale.

Some people who attempt to tackle writing a story seem to have a preconception that by "pretending" something is profound, others will also perceive it as profound. By the way you wrote this story, and particularly in the way you ended, I get the impression you thought you were imparting some sort of profound wisdom. It fell short. You fell short. The writing wasn't especially well done, the story wasn't particularly interesting, and the result wasn't remotely erotic.

Go watch some sad, tragic and depressing films (feel free to go for the "profound" ones, while you're at it) and stay away from the keyboard.

Crap..sums it up

Hi everyone

I can't believe so many people read my first story, thank you. I admit it's short and could have done with going to an editor first. It also isn't that erotic, because I'm a virgin and know bugger all about sex. The story wasn't anything more than an idle amusement, no deep meaning philosophies were intend. It's just a short story about an envious sister.

Sorry to those who didn't like it and felt the need to write negative comments.

i gave this a rating of 1, because theres nothing lower

There are plenty of crap stories on this site, but this is not one of them. I guess everyone who criticized must have perfect stories with perfect reviews. Keep writing.

If so, I missed it.

.

Lesbians.

Actually there is a story here and its quite good. It needs a good editor. A really good editor. Good first try. How many times did you re-write it. A number of typos. Not spelling but wrong words as spelled. "Stripped" takes off clothes (as does "bare") "striped" makes them like a zebra ("bear" also means holding weight). Walk away, re-read, re-write and resubmit.