All Comments on 'The Hitchhiker Ch. 02'

Very good writing. Hot story

You have not written a good story, this is gay dog shit, little dude.

Even not being a LW story I liked it...why? Because She was a dumb woman and he showed to be a smart guy: He got a girlfriend and lived with her all his dark fantasies.Then after all this, he will drop her and find a proper woman to be his wifeand the mother of his children. This is the only reason for 3 *...His smartness!!

.....dope lets his girlfriend get hokey-pokey with a stranger?

It was "going a bit too far" in the first episode. Now, it's way out at the end of cannery row.....and no way to undo the train wreck she just created.....for whatever stupid reason or excuse. Killed any hope of going on together from here.

Best if this poor fool gets out for some fresh air and when they get out to go "freshen up" dumps their stuff and heads back home to clean out and get established far, far away from this total slut. He should wonder how much screwing around had been going on all this time and needs to get tested for STDs ASAP!

Definitely not a "meet my folks" kinda girlfriend.

Quality, man. Real quality!

Oh, a rare thing, but in spite of my gut reaction to the story, it is pretty well written and well edited (for the most part). Why rare? I gave it 3 stars on strength of presentation. If there were a separate category for content, I'd have four or five-starred it for presentation and on content....one-bombed it.....

but I gotta respect the skill.

Seriously, the cliffhangers leave me wanting more. Does Amanda leave her boyfriend to travel the road with the hitchhiker? Does she start a new life of cheating? Or does she return to her boyfriend? These stories were very hot. Please keep writing. :)

Eventually, these three will be arriving at a motel for the night, and I'd love to see what this story will reveal when the boyfriend happens to fall asleep in the bed they all share together, and the two "lovers" are still wide awake wanting more out of the affair. Food for thought in a future installment of the series. :)

Your story is really good and has me enthralled. Please finish it.

I've read both parts and the concept is simple but fantastic with a lot of potential. My only complaints are how fast it's moving. This concept would be better served with a slow buildup and much more dialogue, with the hitchhiker seducing the wife over a long drive with perhaps a stop or two along the way. The husband is your point of view character in this story so I'd use that to build tension.

I would recommend using this as a draft and expand on it as a skeleton to another story.Focus on dividing your story into three main sections with each section being about the same length (I'd say minimum 1-2 full pages each, for a full story about 4-6 pages, however I can see this being a story that could get to about 8 pages).

The first section would be picking up the hitchhiker and engaging in dialogue with the wife in the front seat and the hitchhiker in the back. They all talk, the hitchhiker seems likable enough, perhaps the wife and the hitchhiker find common ground and the conversation begins to exclude the husband. The wife may make some minor disparaging comments about the husband during the conversation ("I am a huge fan of <common interest> but my husband hates it", etc.). The wife never leaves the front seat for the duration of the first section.

The end of the first section would consist of the wife's transition out of the front seat and into the back seat. Either they stop to get something from the trunk (such as a cooler full of drinks or something) or have some minor car trouble which the husband can fix over the course of a few minutes (giving the wife and the hitchhiker some time alone to talk in private. If you stay with telling the story from the perspective of the husband he can perhaps hear giggling and laughing from the two of them while he does what he needs to do. This would build tension for the reader, as they would not know exactly was going on either. When everyone gets back into the car there can be some kind of contrived excuse to get the wife in the backseat ("hey, I have some photos or a book about <common interest>, would you like to sit back here with me and see" as an example of the top of my head)

The second section is all about increasing the sexual tension and not letting the husband see what exactly is going on but strongly suspecting that something's up. There may be some whispering between the two in the back seat followed by some laughing which the husband is not privy too. A nice way to initiate contact may be a massage. Perhaps the wife has some bad leg or back spasms or even have her tweak a muscle during the stop at the end of the last section.Then the stranger would know about massaging and start touching that body part and make her feel better (you could also have the stranger state he is a physical therapist or massage therapist when they pick him up to set this up). There would be some subtle sexual innuendo between the two (wife: "you have magic fingers" hitchhiker: "you have no idea..."etc.), some moaning from the wife and perhaps her getting into a position where the husband will not be able to fully see her (to get into a better position for the massage would be the pretext).

What I've described are just ideas and examples but the important points are that section one is about transitioning the wife into the back seat. Section two would be about transitioning the wife into a mood where sex would conceivable happen between her and the hitchhiker (and just as important to ramp up the sexual tension the husband is feeling). The end of the second section could also be broken up by another transition, such as a stop at a highway gas station to transition to section 3 if need be.

Section three is the sex and I think you already have a handle on that so go to town.

There are two stories on this site you should read that may help you write dialogue for building tension (there are probably a lot more but these are the two I know of). The first is "As If Gerald" by fbknight. The story itself has some logic problems but if you're willing to overlook those it has some good erotic writing lessons to teach. It is almost all buildup. It literally puts the reader into the same position the husband is in which is genius, where even the reader is not given all the details, and those lack of details cause sexual frustration. The second is "A Controlling Interest" by Odeon, which just has some very god dialogue between characters, especially on the first half of the story.

Nice story, first two parts got my imagination, please continue with more...

GIVE UP !!! Stop this crap, you fool

Great story so far :-) keep writing though. I wanna hear her tell him how easily she conditioned him from a normal guy into her own little Cuckold. keep up the good work!

Author, don't you just love all these experienced anonymous writers telling you how to write your whore and cuck story? You gots to have the angst though. He don't be no cuck if he don't got no angst.

Nope... got a paragraph or two into Part 2, and I'm done.

Not judging, but not my kinda story, not my thing.