All Comments on 'The Lady Captains Year Ch. 01'

Like the story so far, let's hope you let the husband have some balls.

Besides the terrible grammar and punctuation, I could not get past the fact that the narrator is 44 and his wife is 38, but when he was 18 she was 16. Explain to us please how he ages faster than she does.

So, he is in jail and explaining the past to us, his life, his wife, his business, his friends and setting the stage for why he is in jail.

Okay, PLEASE don't make us wait 2-3 week intervals for the next one or two chapters?

So, it is either his buddy, his best man or this Jerry that is somehow going to be the major issue and...how does a down to earth, stable loving wife go from being a loving wife to....whatever and, are the girls his or his old buddy?

You have our interest, hope you have Chapter two in waiting.

Thanks!

Now for the rest of the story.

Well written and interesting, and I'll be watching for chapter two

slut wife – cuckold – anal – betrayal – orgy

those who are following the story be warned, these are tags for story

marriage is not just threatened it is crushed completely.

It's all staging, no other content - and thereby just a loong wast of time..

sorry, you need to write a STORY, not just a stage.

was not needed. This "chapter" could have been two or three paragraphs for all the pertinent information it contained. The way he keeps whining about his wife being captain and Jerry, not Gerry, tells us what happens. (It is hard to skim this and keep all the players straight.)

Most enjoyable read so far, I'll resectfully disagree with hard days night, the background provided sets us up for a well written multiple part story as opposed to a 500 word stroker, suitable for skimming. let's look at DQS works for example, nothing truncated there and the vast majority love his work. Now garyapb might be a tad wordy for a literotica type venue, but he too tells a complete tale. Look forward to chapter two fawguy, and to your next story as well H D night, I sure appreciate your writing as well.

Harddays night was right. If you feel the need for a huge back story, then make it interesting and relevant. What you've started with is mostly neither. You need to keep in mind pacing. Stories are not real life, they have to have several points of action or drama, and then build to a climax.

It would be enough to say that you're an average recreational golfer. and she's an excellent competitive golfer, and while you do play as a couple, she also partners with others for tournaments. Who cares if she's vice chairman of something, or how she tries to help you improve your game? These details drag down the story, when you need to advance it. Look at each paragraph, and ask yourself what's the takeaway on this part? Is it important? Does it build drama or excitement? And if the answer's no, then cut it out.

I'll look forward to reading the next of what threatens to be many installments.

already and it looks even sader for the future, so where could that be erotic ? mission failed

While this could lead into a very good story, there is nothing in this preamble to entice me into waiting anxiously for the next installment. Perhaps if there were more of the actual story here to draw me further. With so little of the story here, there doesn't seem to be a reason to already have inconsistencies in the names of the characters.

The background would appear to be necessary if fawguy88 is going to develop an involved story line. Hopefully fawguy88 will not do a quick wrap up of the story with the usual and predictable results. Take your time and explore, it makes for much better reading.

WE know he is sitting in jail , because he found out his wife was cheating and he go some kind of physical revenge. At least this is not another Cuckhold story.. Waiting for next chapter..HOPE IT IS SOON.

You're a new author. We do not know the story, nor your style, nor your creativity. Write the story as you want; you cannot please everyone.

Your story is mostly explaination (tell) and very few scenes that show us the story through the interaction of the characters.

Sally knows Jerry is a player and was implicated in a couple of divorces, he makes her feel uncomfortable in his presence and yet...all of a sudden, she's going to have an affair with him? How fucking stupid do you think people are?

Thee is no legitimate reason for her to cheat on her husband with Jerry, so why do it? Might as well throw in martians, unicorns and other fairy-land creatures.

....how he is 44 and Sally is 38, but when they started dating he was 18 and she was 16.

...tells us that if the hero? is 44 and his wife is 38, then the age difference between them is six years.

So... he's a paedophile.

He started dating her when he was eighteen and she was... twelve?

That's a pretty basic mistake along with changing the grammatical person and character names.

I'm sorry, but when I see this in a story, I stop reading so I have no idea how the story progresses. I did feel, though that it was only fair to inform you of why I demoted the story to two stars.

A word of advice... when you complete a story, read and re-read it several times with a critical eye, to pick up on any such silly mistakes.

when her turns 50? To much about nothing in this story. We only need to be told about her being Captain once. So lets end this story now. She fucks some other man and he shot the bastard and ends up in jail for life. So now you have an outline to go by.

SC

You have taken TWO PAGES, to tell us about nothing. Unless some thing drastic happens in the chapter I will stop reading the story, it is boring too read a lot of detail about nothing.

Well now you can say "I've been on the receiving end of the 'Loving Wives' commentariat." Please don't be offended, but accept these comments as encouragement by those seeking to write and enjoy Literate Erotica.

You've got a few decisions to make: first and foremost, should you seek out an editor or slog on alone. You need an editor - really. Seriously.

Second, where did the story go? A decent opening paragraph and then two pages of what? We know more about what's going on regarding management succession than marital harmony? You've introduced an number of characters but (we have a deeper insight to Bob's character than the narrator's) I think your readers are about to "toss the hook" and be more the wiser before taking the bait again. Please give us a reason to continue here.

Third, if you have the story already completed post the whole damn thing and get you're virginity out of the way. The second time will likely be more pleasurable. If this was an exploratory effort - STOP NOW - and go directly to "first and foremost." Then after getting this straightened out - post the entire story...with epilog if you're starting us in the jail cell again.

I enjoyed the gentle unfurling and undoing of the marriage described. Good supporting cast, particularly Bob (obviously Bob will become a key player). Good "slow burn" tension. I want to read more!

What I did not like was the crappy cliffhanger..."I did not realize just how much this omission would bring conflict and pain to all our family." I hate when authors become a Cassandra or a Miss Cleo and tell the reader what's probably going to happen. Way to fuck up the tension Ms writer...and you did this a couple of other times in the story. Nonetheless, the set up of the first chapter has given me a wonderful sense of anticipation. Look forward to number 2.

Your story was a rollercoaster of up and down emotions. In my view the best part of the story was the character development and the dialog /relationship between Sally and Jack. It did not necessary follow the “accepted” template of Loving Wife’s but I found it refreshing and looked forward to each new chapter. Hope that you keep on writing and look forward to your next post.

Nuf said !

but you really need an editor.

if you dont like unrealistic stories where the wife cheats on man publicly, gets gangbanged and makes her husband eat her lovers cum out of her ass and pussy and then he stays with her and masturbates to the video of her getting gangbanged.... dont read

Started well. Fair warning, it falls to pieces very quickly.

and am faced with a decision.... to read on or not to read on....

I wasted too much time reading this total crap. Be warned if you continue reading this you only have yourself to blame

This author does struggle and tends to go downhill after the first few chapters. I'll keep going from here but I have concerns knowing this author's track record.

Don't bother, unless you're a fan of straight-up mental illness with no redeeming qualities.

I think I'll just stop here and skip chapter two.

This is a review of all 6 chapters. The series starts well as I like yarns about the discovery of infidelity. TLCY is mostly well written apart from regular typos. However from Chapter 4 it goes off the rails with gangbangs, drug induced rape, anal and a thoroughly debauched wife with her husband tut tutting from the sidelines. Is this erotic? Definitely not. After ploughing my way through the complete series I got the impression that the author ran out of ideas by the middle of Chapter 4 so instead of killing it off he continues with a more extreme and deranged plot for another 2 chapters. Also, the MC’s nemesis, Jerry Samuels, is a cartoon villain with little attempt to portray him as a rounded character. So it started as 5 stars and gradually faded to 2 stars but thanks for sharing.

Dear Hiker66Biker, Thank you for the summary as I will no longer waste my time by reading the rest of the story. But I did read the last chapter and it was totally sick and not interesting, and so confirmed decision not to read the middle chapters.