All Comments on 'The Lodger Pt. 01 - Susan'

Enough sex even for me.Can't wait for more of the same.

Nothing like reading a story that gets my cock hard

Well done. There was a verb tense missing early on.

Good story. But I was just curious, since Mom was in the bed wonder if this was right for her family. I would like a little information as to how they got to this point. The seduction of the family and how they all wound up involved with each other. Doesn't have to be novel or anything. Maybe just a synopsis. Or maybe I was the only one curious. Ed

not the only 1.it felt like we came in 3 chapters late.who,why and when the all started fucking the same guy should have been the lead not mom walks in while her middle daughters is getting ass fucked and is no big deal.

A big thanks to every one who has commented or fed back so far. Just to respond to a couple of constructive comments already posted - I was going for a literary device to bring the readers straight into the action. The plan was that in further parts of this story, which will be focusing on the different members of the household, more of the back story is revealed in a series of reminiscences and flashbacks. That's the plan anyway! Whether this works or not depends how you feel. I just hoped it would make it a more interesting story as well as give the opportunity to get straight into this strange sexual relationship! Did it work for you? Let me know!

as is. There is plenty of room for development. I will give it a chance and see if your plan works. Good luck.

It's all well and good if you do get the back story in soon. It will be interesting to see how you do the interpersonal relationships from the beginning. How things were and how things are. The mom is thinking a bit about everyone in the same relationship. I'd say it is a bit late for mom to worry about multiple sex partners and incest. Once again, I'm curious how things will go.

RS

I liked the story for two reason's a lot of the mc/ incest stories suffer from obvious escalation, and the final act start point avoids that. I already have an idea what's going to happen when I go to this section.

The second is prospect of the mothers decent into debauchery which always pleases me.

If you are going to tell the story from a per character view point, leave the the lodger till last, as that will reveal most. With the fast opening I think you can afford some slower chapters detailing the seduction, from the perspective of the other characters, perhaps the college going daughter not quite realizing that the lodgers fucking her sister and the mother at the same time.

Another possibly incompatible idea is the lodger should seduce the mother first, I want to see her in a state at the breakfast or dinner table while her daughters look on appalled at her just fucked look. (Its your story though).

A stranger moves in, with a name like Jack, and changes them all so much. It's all very consistent with Incubus or some other infernal being, the stranger, loss of inhibitions, and emotional control.

And The Lodger is a super ominous sounding name.

Not bad for a first try. I'm far from an authority, I've only posted 6 stories to date with various levels of success, but I'm going to offer a few comments. They will be worth exactly what they cost you.

I understand the hook concept but I think it takes a lot of skill to pull it off. We beginners can't qualify in that department. In this case I felt like I'd been thrown into the middle of one of the old "B" movies with a baby eating Godzilla. It was unbelievable; even fiction must allow you to suspend belief long enough to finish the story.

Such writing skills as point of view, tense, grammar and proofreading are important. I didn't spot problems with these, but I see others did. Don't dismiss their comments.

Also important is making sure everything you use in your story fits into your time frame. In my case I put a 350 cu inch engine in a Chevy two years before GM did. I also had my characters watching HBO on satellite back in the sixties, to name a few. The readers won't miss these things and if you're lucky they will only point them out instead of voting 1 star.

I repeat, the story has promise and you showed talent. Good luck and I hope to see more of your work.