All Comments on 'The Loners Ch. 19'

At times during this chapter it felt like I was reading a bad fanfic based on some trashy shounen from seven years ago. Honestly, the power level nonsense and the bullshit dialogue during the fight were distracting and felt very awkward. Just reading through the entire thing was like pulling teeth.

A part of me truly hopes that you were attempting to parody, mock, lampshade those types of badly written fights that litter anime; that would mean you just missed your mark or that I didn't clue in on that joke. However if this was a serious endeavour and a sign of things to come, then I am out. I spent enough of my late teens reading about literally the exact same character, with the exact same problem, doing the exact same thing; why would anyone bother to read about it all over again?

I am being harsh because you have a real talent. Due to that talent, you should be held to a higher standard. That was bad and you should feel bad...because everyone knows you can do better.

But at least now I know I have a weakness. Too add to this I personally am probably a fan of the trashy shounen that you speak of too. (Bleach, Naruto, Dragon Ball, the Gundam series, etc. for those who don't know. I'm also curious if it was one of those four that came to mind first.) On the bright side, I don't plan on going all out with fights and battles in future chapters, and only plan on two or three at most.

This is a good lesson for me to learn, and file away for future reference. Please understand as well, as I may or may not have said when I first started this story, it's kind of an experiment/test for me. Writing this story has helped me fix and write a much more complete actual trilogy (the first book just hit 145,000 words, and is in the middle of it's third revision.)

So, in this case, I was kind of testing ground. And now I can look at this as a good reminder that from time to time, I probably need to drag myself down to earth. Especially during fights. But, there is a question I want to pose. Should there be any talking at all during any fight? Or was it just the topic of conversation put forth in this particular scenario?

Luckily, there's plenty of time before the next fight at the moment, so if the consensus is that I need to be blown up for this, (and so far it does, considering the votes and the comment so far) then by all means do so. I also would like to hear which specific details that killed this chapter so I know what to watch out for in the future.

I also suddenly have a very great appreciation for those who can write fights of this nature and do it well. I mean, I also don't know for sure what kind of audience I'm working with here. I don't know for instance if most of you hate manga/anime, since I have never asked. At the same time, if there is, and I'm still being destroyed, then I have my answer. I have a weakness that needs to be worked on.

I appreciate the honesty on this, and I'll be careful not to repeat this mistake in the future.

but i love anime and yeah all the talking bout how the bad guy is going to destroy the good guy gets on my nerves but its mostly impatience with wanting them to get on with the fight and each episode is only 24 minutes long. im loving this story you have going and the trash talk isnt a weakness as far as im concerned. that being said, i do feel that alan probably should have started with some bad guys who werent a lord. im not necessarily saying this is a bad thing, but in most stories the hero usually gets some time to try out his new abilities before such a test. but alan was getting better during his first fight. could this be a hint to future possibilities? i truly hope alan is able to just control his emotions like rachel does rather than lose them entirely. otherwise, whats the point?

Hey I'm no writer but I have read a couple hundred books so I don't have much to say other than you have quite a bit of talent. The characters have depth they make you want them to succeed. I personally am not interested in the sex it's fun and refreshing since most of what I read doesn't have hardly any except for maybe a hint. The development is good except for the occasional seemingly forced sex scene. I like how you made most of the characters with qualities that most can relate to on some level. That's all I can think of right now. Keep posting and I'll keep reading, because im sure you'll keep getting better.

Once again, great chapter but the suspense!!!! Keep up the great work can't wait for the next chapter!

I enjoy the way this series is going. I have some thoughts as to how and where it is going.

I cant wait for the next chapter.

On a side note, I liked the fast turn around.

The battle. The emotional conflict. Even the perhaps unintentional display of a common movie/television trope (black guys die quickly in sci-fi/fantasy stories). Right down to the cliff hanger ending, I liked the whole thing. Keep it up.

i have set up almost all night reading this great tale and can not wait for the next chapter please post it as soon as you can

DAMN YOU HINDSIGHT!!!!!

Such a wonderful battle...didn't expect the switch and man...just...wow

I'll start with that I am also a fan of anime, especially dragon ball, but now that I'm older and realize what a great fight scene is like, I will say that those kinds of fight scenes get boring (not to mention unrealistic). Breaks in the fighting should only happen when both sides are tired after an especially long engagement, talking is used mostly in the form of taunting. You should also include more description and detail of the action and less about the people involved and their feelings. Might have to do some research to properly describe the action.