by englishnomad
Dump the frequent and often used mind clearing junk. This stuff just makes reading confusing/difficult, and an eye strain. Things like "word -- word", "word ... word," show some kid must be the author.
For a first effort, this was was well done. I'm not sure if you used an editor -- everyone can always use one :) -- but even so, a good effort. I'm sure you'll get better with practice.
I liked the build of this story very much, though the old fogey theme and outing didn't add to the story.
I thought it was well written. I don't think you need an editor and I am an english lit graduate. not perfect, but who cares?
I liked that you talked about what attracted each to the other. The characters were believable and the build up to the climax was great. Keep writing! Would love to hear Sheri's story.
I thought it was very well done- well plotted and well written.
Excellent first attempt,realistic,well described and a turn on.
Keep up the good work and give old guy plenty of young girls to pleasure!
As an older woman who enjoys age play, the "Mature" section on Lit is one of my faves, but most men go for the fantasy of a slutty teenager who throws herself at him, which holds much less appeal for me than the incredible lust of a man who knows better but cannot stop himself. Your work is HOT!