All Comments on 'The Mother I Never Knew Ch. 01'

Ummm ewwww I was trying to give it a try but that description of the mom was gross. I don't wanna read about him fucking his ugly big ass mama she's all hard & acts like a fucking dude. She fat ass hell too & if she tough enough to make a fucking Marine nervous she must be scary/ugly.

This is a terrific story with very likable characters. I hope you will turn this into a series and I'm looking forward to reading any other stories you've written. I'll look for those now.

Please continue this story with multiple chapters.Thank you for the read.

For one, a hospice is (usually) for terminally ill patients. The grandmother in this story just had metal health issues. A nursing home was probably where you should've went with that.

Second, you introduced the story in first person. When you started with the actual story, you switched to present tense. Most writers will tell you that is a no-no. Most seasoned (and literate) readers on here will tell you the same thing. The mindless uneducated zombies will just send you rah, rah, rahs. Not me. I couldn't continue past the first page.

You get a No Vote from this reader.

Well, I'm aware of what a hospice is and I know that terminal Alzheimer's happens - the condition doesn't actually do you in but your bodies fails - my Mom did ministry to the terminally ill and dealt with End of Life issues with their families. Sorry.

Yes the tense changed from the past (this happened in the past of the main story) and the present (as the story is currently progressing). I didn't mean this to be an insult to the English reading audience - I'm an American, so I got his language second hand 300 years ago.

To my first critic, I fully understand that mature female bodybuilders who are thickly built don't appear to everyone. Our protagonist isn't revolted by her body, he is blind-sided by his Mother's affection for him since he never had a true maternal parent after the age of five. Remember please, she sees her dead husband in the son. She is not a voluptuous 45 year old with the body of a 25 year old. Prison doesn't tend to do that for a woman's body, or so I feel.

If you read the chapter to its conclusion you would have caught the other facet of the Mother/Son story - teaching the Son that you should be careful how you pre-judge a person; young or old. Just because sex isn't vanilla does't make it wrong.

I apologize to those I've offended. That was not my intent. I prefer to believe I can entertain, amuse and intrigue. '

What a different approach! Looking forward to future submissions.

This is some wild shit! Five stars!

Totally new and refreshing take! Please continue!

Interesting approach yes. Also somewhat uncomfortable.

An Easy 5. I had a healthy session of laughing and arousal.

Mom is ugly inside & out. All that about him not being use to affection from his Mom is bull she doesn't seem affectionate at all. Plus he's grown he doesn't need a mother now the years when he needed her she was locked up. Now she comes around with her fat ugly ass looking for handouts, please.

This story is gross & makes me uncomfortable. I know everyone isn't skinny but like I said Mom is ugly inside & out so its a lose/lose situation. He's rich & successful in his own right why would he want to fuck his old fat ass Mom who probably looks her age or worse being she's lived a hard life in prison. He can get a hot chick easily. It would've been better if he was fucking his sister. Being how they bonded over they're jail bird dead beat mother.

& I loved it. The dialogue was claustrophobic with lust and humor. I'm reminded of Howard Hawks & Marx brothers sensibilities. The female characters were mega- original. The unwilling, initially bland narrator who eventually succumbs to the carnal mayhem , I saw Shia LeBeouf type, mom could have been played by younger Jennifer Coolidge-type & throw a frisbee at any starlet for the role of wanton Heidi.

This was uner-weird and I uber-liked it. *****

The story must go on. Thanks

Hope his will is made out.

One or both are going to kill him....

This was indeed a good read. Would love to read more. Thanks.

Fantastic read, hope the mom gets soften by son

Keep them cuming. What a great concept for a story. As taboo as you can get.

Don't listen to that guy complaining about the story starting in first person (presumably he meant past tense) and switching to present tense. It's perfectly fine to switch tenses after a section break. It's only wrong when the tense randomly changes in the middle of a scene for no reason.

As for complaints about the mother being ugly: it's hardly fair to criticize an author for not catering to your personal taste in women. Her appearance is hardly even described beyond being large and having close-cropped red hair. If that's not your type, then just use your imagination and fill in the blanks with something that is!

My only criticism is how quickly things progressed with Heidi. I can suspend my disbelief about her jumping into a kinky one night stand with a mother-son couple she just met - it's a sex story after all - but now it seems she wants to be in a serious dom/sub relationship with Josh even though she just met the guy yesterday? You briefly mention that she rushes into bad relationships, but still, this is escalating unbelievably quickly even by damaged crazy girl standards.

Other than that, I liked the story. It's an unusual situation with unique characters, a nice change of pace from all the "40-going-on-20 housewife bangs her teenage son because reasons" stories. Look forward to reading more.

First off, the prior commenter is incorrect. Consistency in a story is very important.

The correct Point of view and Tense for storytelling is First or Third Person, *Past* tense. It sound much more intelligent than writing in the present tense.

Present tense is best used in a flashback, or in dialogue when your character is something that happened to them. Example:

**************************************************************************************************The Cop stepped up to me and pulled out his notebook.

"What did you see?" he asked.

I put down my bag and gathered my thoughts. after a moment, I began my account of what happened

"I come out of the 7-11 with my soda and chips, and I look up just in time to see this red SUV blow through the light and plow into the little Honda over there. This woman come running out and screaming about her baby in the car. She sees the guy in the SUV and loses her shit. She pulls a gun out of her purse and starts shooting. I run back into the store and pull out my to call you guys."

The cop didn't say anything. He just nodded while he took my statement.

**************************************************************************************************

That is the correct use of past and present tense in a story. Use it sparingly and in the correct context, not for the entire story.

If you want this story to move from good to Great, write in the Past Tense. it will make your stories much more readable and enjoyable.

A bit too kinky for some people but don't read IF you don't enjoy! Keep it going, a dfferent and intersting story line...........you are going to have to take care that it doesn't degenerate into blind BDSM and sillyness...............

This is good! I like the idea of a mother coming out of prison and how that changed her as a person. Waiting for the next chapter!

It feels like I've read this story somewhere before though. Anyways yes she's rough at first but after 20 years in prison its expected and i imagine she will soften somewhat in time as they grow closer. I keep picturing not just him fucking her(all three holes) but also vice versa(strapon). Clearly that wont happen just yet but in time it could be both hot and if done right his mom taking his anal cherry could be sweet bonding them further with love and trust. I would love it if that happened!!!

I do not know if there are many stories like this here. mother/son yes been done, BDSM/group sex/3 way? Also yes, been done. Momma coming out of prison after 20+ years for double manslaughter? Okay that is new to me. The family dynamics of the characters are enough to build a lot of story around and toss in a needy foolish submissive into the mix, well this is going to be fun for me to read. More please!

I will say, incest stories ar not my thing usually. I read this because I have like the authors previous stuff.

But I did like this story. The characters are very unusual and the story is really pretty twisted. So I really need to know where this ends up.

I do have some confusion about the son's behavior. He seems to be very trusting of strangers( I include the mother he has not seen for 25 years in that group). Not something I would expect from a person who lost a paren( two really) so young.

Just one question though...are there real life girls as freaky as heidi??

I didn't know they can give you steroids in prison wow one minute his mom is young and small but now tall and mean with big muscles just like She-Hulk.

Great twist on the usual story types.

Damn!!! Thanks for sharing.

It's off the wall crazy and funny.

You have written that is sexy and hard-inducing and also playful. I can't wait for chapter 2!!

,,,Is fucked up on SO many levels.

Oddly , I find it hot as hell.

That probably says things about me I'd rather not know , but - Fuck It.

Great story

Completely wacko stories are fun. Obviously we aren't supposed to take it seriously.

Definitely looks to be an interesting read. The plot is different, new and a warm breath of fresh air. Characters are amazingly solid. Sienna, Josh and Heidi are very well done and are relatable and I am looking forward to see more from these characters. Sienna especially. Not only because of the sex, but to learn more about her. Keep up the good work.

Crazy ass hot story! Love it! Can't wait till little sister meets mama. Very good writing, kept the story flowing. Thanks for it.

Like the story a lot.

So mom just needs to have sexual reassignment surgery to get her a dick and balls and poor heidi sounds like she is a whore and actually cringe to hear her back story. I feel bad for her but then again not if she let people turn her into a mega whore. Gonna give this another chapter but 2 stars so far

Much of your phrasing brings a smile. I will read the rest, including the non-LW stories and the lower ranked ones.

What an excellent story. To really set this off would have taken pages of description and prose, and that's not really why we're here. I liked it a lot.

Ugh, there's no logic at all, just a lame excuse to have a submissive son fuck his mom and her various toys. Pass 1*

Hard to get into the story at some points. Seriously warped, but not in a bad way. Didn't necessarily need Heidi in the story, but as she's there, the story needs to go somewhere. There needs to be resolution between mom and son - and my vote is that he needs to find his inner Dom to put mom in her place and adjust her to the real world.

I was seriously distracted by the use of present tense in the story, and some grammar/spelling errors. A good scrub by an editor would do wonders and could make it a five-star story.

Talk about driving head first off a cliff.

This started out very promising, was driving along nicely within the speed limit, and suddenly, as soon as they went shopping, it decided "Fuckit", took a sharp left turn, stepped on the gas, and hurtled full throttle over the nearest guard rail.

Oh, and Sienna must have eaten some dinner that first night. She went from being described as very muscular, to being described as flabby with cow udders stuck to her chest. What did she eat? It went straight to her waist and tits.

I was so hopeful. This could have been great, but just nose dived.