All Comments on 'The Octopussy Necklace Ch. 09'

that over she can get back to just screwing his friends.

Disappointing from beginning to end.

is it even his?

You must have put a lot of thought and work into writing this story and for that at least you must be commended.

The story however suffered from narrative failures so pronounced and frequent as to render it practically unreadable.

I'd suggest next time you try something slightly less ambitious narratively and try to get a better grasp of how to inject some emotional credibility into your characters rather then the one dimensional sterility displayed in this story.

But it was a complicated story and while it was in my view a failure I do applaud your efforts in writing it and wish you all the best for your future efforts.

Why did you break up this garbage from its original posting of 4 chapters elsewhere, into 9 her on Lit?

I give you. First story 4 stars, this one 1 star. You worked hard to put this unbelievable tail together .

Shit ending, her being a whore was never dealt with, He took her skank ass to the Bahamas?? Fuck that! I was prepared to give you a 3 when I thought Ambrose had killed her, but now you get less across the board.

She doesn't even know who the father is, and he's as happy as a real father. I wouldn't get withing ten feet of that festering hole. Good luck on having a healthy baby.

Finally. By the way, who's the father? The whore made her husband the ultimate cuckold. No more espionage tales.

writing sexy scenes and telling a story are two totally different things. You seem to be pretty good at one and horrid at the other. I'll leave it to you to figure out from here.

This story made no sense whatsoever.

Why not just FAX the fucking plans to the plotters??? That gives Sweetie more time to do all the thick dicks and the pouty pussys!

3* (for reasons unknown!)

((sex scenes were NOT terrible!))

@Lickideesplit

Yeah, the whole mess of fucking, transporting and then murdering the whores all started because none of the villains knew how to send a god dammed fucking email or use a fax machine.....

Why do you piddle your talents like this? "Revelations" is such a fine story, amd this is such implausible verbal masturbation!

a poor story written well, is still a poor story. This felt to me like an attempt to create a premise where a 'loving wife' can be a total slut without any negative consequences. This 'loving wife' ends up becoming a national hero after literally being a whore. Then she turns up pregnant and hubby is so happy that he doesn't even consider inquiring about the child's parentage. Most fictional stories require some degree of suspension of disbelief on the part of the reader. I'm a science fiction fan so I've gotten pretty adept at doing just that. By the time I got to the end of your story my first reaction was to wonder what color the sky was on your planet. Thank you for sharing your stories with us, I look forward to your next one.

Ewwwwwwwww

i thought that the other two series by this Author ( Revenge & Revelations ) were of good quality ,

a high quality to the writing & engaging , interesting & intrigiung plots .

i find it dificult to believe that this series was written by the same Author.

one star for the writing

zero stars for the plot

zero stars for the protagonists.

truly dreadful.

good story , keep writing

She probably was pregnant with Sheikh's baby! Long build-up to a quick ending without much detail. What happened to the five terrorist's?....and how about the girls? And....what were those numbers at the bottom of the letter? Did Tom throw Ambrose down his trap door to the basement into the vat of acid?

After all that reading I feel cheated!

I don't have words to say how bad this whole mess is. 1/5

In an earlier chapter you stated that she wasn't on birth control. Now in the last chapter she gets a phone call from her GYN doctor, informing her that she's pregnant. Why was she happy? She doesn't even know if it's her husband's baby or not! Also, how was Greta found out when she was a pro? How did Tom get caught but the bad guys had NO CLUE as to his personal life? The other stories were good even with the grammatical errors, incorrect word usage, incorrect usage of past/present/future tense, using plural forms of words when talking about a singular person/object, etc... Editors are really important because the aforementioned errors can interrupt the flow of a story and sometimes make the reader abandon the story altogether. Editors are a writer's friend. Good editors are a godsend!

Cheating whore cunt in a really boring story....

Done with your stuff. 1*

By now.

Can't wait for more stories from you! Please keep writing!!

...but could use a bit more fleshing out. I don't understand why this story isn't scored higher. I guess it's all the 3-inch-dick morons making their presence known in the Loving Wives category.

I would have drawn the story out a bit more. Have the Sheikh take her away instead of the Doctor trying to kill her. Add a couple of chapters where Nikki is well used by the sheikh and his men (and women) as Tom tries to find her.

The story doesn't make much sense at all.

Call me what you wish, but I'd never go near her pussy ever again.