All Comments on 'The Orphans Auction'

Nice Story..now we need to find out how Donna finds her way home.

Would be fun to see this turn into a full-fledged vendetta after Donna's walk home; Andrea was stupid to shit where she lives. Non-disclosure agreement or not, it only takes an anonymous phone call to a few honest policeman and opportunist politicians to blow the whole thing wide open, taking all the salacious details and fun out into the open for the enjoyment of everyone. Donna's been shown to be a nasty and vindictive enough a bitch to do it, damn the repercussions.

this story had much more potential. The ending was a little flat for me.

...the ending was non existent. Fail.

Why would anyone entrust somebody else to burn incriminating letters?

misspeling drivs me knuts.

The idea is interesting and erotic. The end should have been more dramatic-Donna's emotional/physical reaction to the auction and her final redemption or fall could have provided a lot of tension. I hope you will write more stories.

If you do, may I gently point out that spelling is a lot more important than many LE authors appreciate. It says a lot about the author and his or her approach to the audience. If you don't value your work enough to check it why should the reader?

Also, a minor point, truly 'exclusive' escorts are very highly paid to dress and behave in public like attractive,well informed and intelligent partners or wives-not like Donna-and they often don't put out.

After all of Donna's clothes were sold, Andrea should have opened the bidding to couples to have sex with Donna for the night.

The whole thing seemed a bit rushed. The revenge theme is always ripe with promise. While that final twist was a cute touch, IMHO this story had the potential to turn far more dark and erotic.

Since Donna signed away her rights at the front door when they arrived, the auction didn't have to end with the last bit of clothes, did it? Imagine Donna's shock when she learns that bids will be entertained for a few other things -

--- sexy and humiliating poses - alone, with sex toys (they could be auctioned off);

--- a deep throat blow job that has to last for as long as the bidding continues or until the male erupts;

--- getting f*ked by the male model in several submissive positions;

--- a special APO (audience participation orgy) with the top five high bidders of a sealed secret auction. To Donna's dismay while she's recovering from a loud orgasm during the NC romp with the model, Andrea announces the APO winners and invites them all to a private entertainment room.

Bring on that final twist with the clothing after Donna's been used for hours, is completely broken and covered in come by her 5 horny companions with nowhere to clean up.

Clueless Donna wouldn't be told that Andrea carefully filmed the entire auction and APO from angles that won't incriminate any of the participants except Donna. Audio is edited so there's no sign that Andrea regularly ordered Donna to moan and loudly beg for more nor any mention of the Orphan's Charity, either. Perhaps a Chapter Two could detail Donna's exploits after she exits the auction house. The mind boggles.

Denouement: Franklin receives a copy of the film with an anonymous cover letter: "This is what your cheating wife does for entertainment."

Now, THAT would be revenge.

I never got passed where she gave her opponent the love letters to destroy!!! That's the best premise you could come up with? No imagination by a huge measure!!! Gave it a 2 because I hear they don't count the 1"s.

Some things just don't make sense. If she was that jealous how did they stay friends for so many years? If I was Donna, would I trust her with something so incriminating? Hell no. Donna owes the little bitch a big one, like fucking her old man.

But this story needs to be finished!

EDITOR needed for dure. Apell checkers are free, too.

Ah, revenge is so sweet. A very well thought out and written story. I definitely look forward to reading more of your work. I appreciate your and your Muse's imagination and abilities to bring it to your story. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents.