The Pledge Mistress Ch. 25

"You're not the fuck-up of the group! Nobody's saying that about you! You're doing just fine!"

"But I couldn't do that stair run! And they all had to go back naked because of me!"

Tracy smiled slightly.

"You couldn't do the stair run on the first try! Oh, how tragic! Couldn't do something on the very first try, so now you're just gonna give up! Over a stair run! Come-on now, don't you think you're worth more than a stair run?"

"But they're gonna do it again on Thursday, and I can't do it! I can't run like that!"

"So you're scared."

"Yeah...I mean yes, ma'am, I'm scared."

"Good, 'cause that's a big part of the pledge program, overcoming your fears. You've found something you're afraid of and now you need to figure out how you're gonna overcome it. Will you finish Thursday's stair run? Probably not, and you and the others will have to jog back naked, just like you did today. That's what's gonna happen, and so be ready for it. But maybe you'll get a bit closer to beating it, making it up the fourth flight of steps before you give out, for example. If you keep at it, every day you'll get a bit closer, and at some point you will manage to run non-stop and keep up with the sophomores. And next year, you'll be running up and down those stairs every time you go out and not think anything of it. That's the weakness you need to overcome, and it's your choice whether you'll overcome it or not. But let me tell you something, if you give up on that stair run and quit the sorority, that failure will only be the first out of many others you'll face in your life. This is it, Bernadette, either you can succeed, or you can give up and fail. You're the one who has to make that choice."

Tracy paused to let her words sink in; then pursued Bernadette's other issue, her feelings about her fellow pledges.

"As for what Lisa, Kathleen, and Cherine did for you today, the reason they did it is because they are your friends. Like it or not, those three women are your friends. You four are a clique, and you are part of that group. When the outside world looks at you, they don't say: 'Oh, there's Bernadette! She's with those other girls, but she's different! She's better than them!' It doesn't work like that! You are part of this sorority, part of the freshman class, and those three women are gonna stick up for you because that's what we do here! And when each of the others has a problem, which they will, you'll need to be there for them! That's what this is all about! That's why we're doing this to you and putting you through all this hazing, to force you to be part of something much bigger than yourself. We expect you to succeed as a group. You're part of that group, no better and no worse than Lisa, Cherine, or Kathleen."

"And you really don't think I oughta quit?"

"I'd prefer that you don't quit. I'd like to see you to stay in and finish, because I think you'd be a valuable member of the Four-Beta community. Whether you 'oughta' quit is something only you can decide, but you've heard my opinion on the matter. This is gonna be an important decision for you, because I think there's a lot more riding on it than just whether or not you'll become a Four-Beta."

Again Bernadette sat silently, as she struggled with what would be one of the most significant decisions of her life. She realized that Tracy was right. If she gave up now, the fear of failure would take control of her and become a self-fulfilling prophesy. She had to conquer those stairs. Maybe she would fail, but at least she had not yet given up. There was still hope she could do it.

Finally Bernadette got off the chair and back onto her knees.

"I...I guess I wanna continue, ma'am. I'm sorry..."

"No apologies, Pledge Bernadette, no apologies. Remember, a good Four-Beta lets her actions speak for her."

"Yes, ma'am."

"PLEGDE, STAND-UP!"

Bernadette jumped to her feet and was dismissed.

Thursday morning loomed ever larger in her mind, but she knew what she had to do. Simply try to do her best, accept the support of her fellow pledges, and most importantly, accept them as her friends.

----------

As the following day progressed, Lisa noticed that Bernadette's treatment of the other members of her group had changed.

The biggest difference was that Bernadette began talking to Kathleen, after having ignored her for three weeks. Their conversation focused mostly on serious topics such as coursework, computer and programming (of which Kathleen knew quite a bit) and gossip about various members of the sorority. The two women did not share many interests in fashion or popular culture, but they were able to talk about various places they had visited as children, such as Disney World and Six Flags Over Texas.

There was one topic where Kathleen's knowledge helped Bernadette considerably: running. Kathleen had watched Bernadette struggle up the final two flights of stairs and even from a distance saw things that she was doing wrong. Kathleen gave her companion advice on breathing that would allow her to take maximum advantage of her limited lung capacity. Also, she explained her technique for boosting adrenaline.

"If you're really pissed-off, it'll help you run. I mean, I think about stuff when I'm running, and I get so mad I'm not even thinking about how far I have to go. And then, sometimes, I can even get to the finish line and not even realize it. Get mad before you start running. Get real mad and it'll help you."

Bernadette's behavior around Lisa changed as well, although not as dramatically as her treatment of Kathleen. She did not try to force herself to be overly friendly, but her aloof and confrontational attitude diminished considerably. Lisa figured that it was because of her humiliating experience on the stairs that Bernadette had become more cooperative, not realizing that there was much more to it than just her companion's physical fitness. For the first time Bernadette understood that she was not any better than Lisa, and certainly not any more knowledgeable. Because Lisa already had been in college for a year, there were plenty of things she knew that Bernadette did not. The freshman realized that she could either go through the trouble of learning everything the hard way, or rely on Lisa's insight and experience to make her own life easier.

Of all the women in the sorority, Bernadette knew that she would be closest to Cherine. Bernadette realized that she always looked forward to spending time with Cherine, because their likes and personalities were compatible. They shared tastes in the same movies and TV shows, and especially interest in the same music. They enjoyed having any chance to hang out, talk about lighter topics other than academics or sorority-related problems, and make jokes about popular culture that went over the heads of Lisa and Kathleen. The two women worked well together with their chores and homework assignments, and took advantage of any opportunity in their busy schedules to find each other and chat. After only three weeks, Bernadette realized that she had just made her first close friend in college.

As her perception of her companions changed, the words that most stuck in Bernadette's mind were from Tracy:

"Like it or not, those three women are your friends. You four are a clique, and you are part of that group."

Had Tracy used any other word than "clique", what she said would not have had the same impact on Bernadette's thinking. How strange, to be in a clique with three other women so totally different from the girls she had been hanging out with only two months before! How much her life had changed, in just 60 days! She wondered if, by the end of the summer, she would change so much that her high school friends wouldn't even recognize her.