All Comments on 'The Return Ch. 05'

Please, don't wait so long for the rest. Thanks.

Really enjoying it, thanks for the effort.

Great story. Just please try to post the chapters sooner.

Firstly, I can't seem to find the loving wife, as one would assume exists from the category "Loving Wives". Then there is the Navy Seal thing. Seals seem to be the superhero of choice on Lit. And, this story is rather predictable and every conflict is very quickly and easily solved. There was zero effort used to win back the old girlfriend, for example. This story is mildly entertaining, but lacks credibility... and a wife.

Carry on writing. You have me hooked.

Great story, i'm hooked already, though i do have one slight critisism, and thats listing it on the 'loving' wives category, i thought 'novels and novellas' or 'erotic couplings' would suit the story better

just finally got to be too 'over the top'

Thugs vs. heroes and lovers (regarding questions about the appropriateness of this chapter's category, perhaps this is the occasion to create a new term/ title: "loving wife to be"...) vs. the police… It’s all building up just like it should towards the anticipated big confrontation. <P>

In my imagination this should take place in the middle of the bay: boat vs. boat – but that’s just me…<P>

I can't imagine the story being spread over more than one more chapter. What a shame!

Awesome story I'm enjoying it immensely. Two details that escaped edit however on pg 2 Pinot Grigio is a while wine you probably meant Pinot Noir. Pg 3 when detailing the guns you wrote a 40 mm glock. 40 mm is a grenade launcher you might have meant .40 caliber. They also make a 9 mm and I believe a 10 mm. After I finish these I will have to take a good look at everything else you've written keep it up.

Too much garbage

A few minor technical details like the 40mm heh that would be one hell of a handgun.

DWornick why do you keep reading chapters when you hate the whole story???

I am still enjoying. I think it is great and I am sure just about everyone else who reads it does as well.

Thank you.

You're such a fucking pedo.

A great read thank for this very entertaining story.

The fact that these guys are fucking with a navy seal is unbelievable. And the story is sucking me in. It's like a J D Robb novel.

I don't understand why Geoff is not seeing that his family is being protected. These men should have never been able to get close to his sister Julie. Bobby Armistead has already murdered his parents, so he will do it again without so much as a thought to someone close to him, his sister, girlfriend, or 7 year old daughter.

Five stars.

I mean it is dragging on a little too much with the rehashing of facts that have been rehashed repeatedly in previous chapters and you wouldn't get here without having read those, so why revisit the stuff?

Next, on page two it says they are drinking Pinot Grigio. It then says there is red smudge from the wine. That would be impossible as pinot grigio is a white wine. Pinot Noir is the red. Bad mistake on the editors' part as well as the writer's. Foolish assumptions ruin what can be decent stories.

Finally, why drive to coos Bay? The "boy/man" is a freaking SEAL! and rich on top of all that! Why not just BUY a boat if you can't rent one to place side scan sonar on? Besides, you can buy side scan at your local Bass Pro shop, so what's the issue? The other really foolish mistake is the "tightness" of the professional soldier. He would not go this alone, there would always be a "dive partner" - ALWAYS! to cover your back. This is drummed into them in basic BUDS. So that sums up my poor review of this drivel. Sorry as it seems like it could have been a decent story if someone actually knew something about what they were writing about.

In chapter one: introduction

In chapter two: Geoff wins and Robert loses

In chapter three: Geoff wins and Robert loses

In chapter four: Geoff wins and Robert loses

Now in chapter five: Geoff wins and Robert...um...

Guesses at what the next chapter brings? Bets? Odds?

Thanks for the offering.

Pinot Grigio is a white wine

Lets get on to the main event. Wipe out the goons, burn Robert, and marry Sarah. Seals overcome all.

Had Geoff not murdered the two thugs he would have been able to put everyone in prison for life. But then the story would not have been longer than 3 chapters. 😂

Attorneys crooked judges etc

Usually when jailed years of pain staking work and that doesn't always work

People scared

Best results they piss off wrong person or people then Katy bar the door

See more bodies watching fish etc

Pinot Grigio is a white wine. Just saying.

And who goes to a steakhouse near the harbor in Oregon? You eat fresh fish.

Still 4/5. Too many mistakes for a full score. I was going to mention the mistake about the wine, but someone else has already addressed that.

I'm disappointed that Geoff didn't find his parents still alive and hiding out in Coos Bay. That would have been a good twist.

again, good overall plot but such poor dialogue, actions. Wanted the water rights? In the day and age in USA no one will "own" water rights and try to bankrupt a town or valley, Government wouldn't allow it.

The characters become more wooden as the story progresses

For some reason, Sarah seems to have forgotten to inform Geoff of Robert's threat?