All Comments on 'The Send Off'

Dont know if its just me, but this was a hard story to read...

The story seemed to be too wordy and without passion or erotic flavor. It was all so matter of fact that it could've passed for a boring how to manual. If there was love between them, it seemed ho-hum and forced. He was shy and constantly questioning whether they should do it in the first place. You should have written how excited, passionate, and turned on she was and how much she loved him by giving herself to him before he was deployed overseas; give him emotion while you're at it. After all, he was about to make love for the first time to his sister who he also loved. In you next story, give your characters a wild passionate side with well placed descriptive words.

Hard story for me to read also. I couldn't finish it because the pace and wording bored me.

Difficult to read and lacked something

unreadable, made no sense at all

Total rubbish.

6 4.22

The Send Off

10/11/122

When your out of time, sometimes there is only one choice. by humantouch

When you're out of time... Not your

Thanks for the read and never mind the "anonymous" cowardly comments, anyone with guts leaves a contact name (at least two did). As I've said before Literotica is basically jack-off stories plain and simple, if you want wordy deep stories read f-ing War & Peace by Tolstoy, other wise write your own story if you think you can do better. If you've never written anything here, then you have no real right to criticize at all, I haven't so I don't. Good job "Humantouch" you have my full support.

Thank you for all the comments with substance. Arguably this is not my best story. Some may notice by reading my other ones that I often leave the end open somewhat in order for the reader to imagine (or fantasize) on their own what would happen next. It works very well. With this one I tried to loosen that approach even more by under-developing the reasons why this event was happening. I wondered if readers would actively draw their own conclusions. This type of approach works sometimes in other genres, and may even work here if developed properly.

Thank you, Mr. Humantouch. you seem to have some knowledge of going off to the army and the emotional implications it has.

A nice read, sorry about the very poor responces you have received, they are not at all deserved.

Thanks

Handyman2

Not a bad story, but why keep changing the perspective from first person to third and back in the middle of conversations etc - slightly confusing and hard to follow because of this, so perhaps an edit is in order? Have you considered running this past one of the editors, get them to help you make it a little less...cumbersome?

by leaving the end open and not properly developing the characters and plot you are putting yourself and the site out of work. if we need to think up an endding or fill in plot holes or dream up a beginning we sure don't need jackasses like you. either do it completly and properly or not at all you just waste your time, our time and the sites space.

Many of my stories end with giving the reader questions about what would happen next. I have had many positive comments and PMs about this and I will continue to use this style occasionally. People with active imaginations often want to think on their own what would happen next. This is a style that many have used in writing. It's not a new thing. It's done most often in science fiction and fantasy. Some of the greatest works of fiction are open ended.

No one held a gun to your head and said, 'Read it!' If you don't like it, there are thousands more. This is a forum for people to exercise their creativity and it costs you nothing to read. If you are really a writing critic you could actually give specifics on what your issues are with plots.

If you are going to call someone a 'dumb writer' at least back it up with specific examples in regard to plot. Or even put a name to your comments and show us what you can do.

but I don't get why the sister needed to be portrayed as quite so very well used. With many experiences, and the brother of course has none... why? Is it more erotic to your readers to stick your cock into something that's had so many others in it first? I just don't understand it. Not that she needed to be a virgin or anything, but why so blatantly a slut?!? It's not just you. Many authors these days think it's a supremely romantic and loving thing to have a sister that's fucked anything with a dick and a heartbeat and decide that she's their one and only. For me, it ruined such a lovely story. It was so well written, and thought out, with plenty of emotion and a sense of foreboding, with the brothers imminent departure into the military which I though was really well done.

In the first couple of paragraphs I did have to reread a couple of times to work out who was saying what and a few other time in the story the dialog was not quite clear so some rereading was necessary. Having said that, it was a good story that was reasonably well told (with those exceptions).

No, it wasn't perfect but I have read a lot worse that have not attracted half the negative comments that this did.

A good try - 4*

Old story, but I wanted to comment anyway. I’m shocked by the negative comments. The story is sweet, well written, and moving. Sorry you don’t write anymore.