All Comments on 'The Story'

Guess he was just too good for his own sake.

Great story and can't wait for more from you.

Really liked the way you put this together. It was unusual and enjoyable.

A very original take on an old theme...

Very well written - thank you.....

Clever and original.

Brilliant bit of concise writing.

Very fun concept of a loving wife story. I loved it. Be prepared to join the hall of fame with the greats from the LW Cat.

But now the die is cast. You are on the other side of the fence now...Hope you can take it! Only kidding, I'm sure you can.

Now try the second story...it gets harder...lol

My best regards

How come it's always a cheating wife and a straight arrow husband/owner.

My wife cheated on me one and I deserved it.

You had to go ahead and write, now you get to receive comments!

Very nice piece for your first time... brought a smile to my face.

Well done short story

Every one is going to have to watch our backs now!

A brilliant little story and well thought out.

Are you planning any more nasty little surprises for us!

DC

Hope there ia a Part II. Merry Cristmas.

Ah - now the fingers are on the other side of the keys. Welcome aboard wetapap. This is a good first step...but there's a long journey ahead.

A dear freind of mine once encouraged all criticism to have at least two positive and two negative points. So here it comes my friend.

+ your effort to move from reading to writing and your explanation of why.

+ your story was concise and direct, yet included lots of juicy teasers..."fatal" will get enyone's attention.

- your story was concise and direct...to concise actually!

- where's the juice? If this story was a car you were selling then you gave a us a grainy black and white image in an auto trader magazine with a couple of abbreviate descriptors. Okay you've got my interest, either sell me the car or let the car sell itself. Details, FEELINGS, dialogue!

Take every sentence in your story and try to turn it into a paragraph. Then try using dialogue and descriptions to tell us about it.

The motel is a dump - describe it. What it looks like (the place was a dingy 1940's style drive by with tiny cabins that faced a gravel parking lot), smells like (The place had an order that was hard to decribe, okay it smelled like the sewarge overflowed last week and clean-up isn't quite completed), sounds like (the new interstate went on the other side of town. This place was quiet, like a cemetary with no room.)

Alright I went a little overboard.

Great first effort weta - now I want the special effects.

Sincerely your fan

juanwildone

I first read the original story. This portion was very well written and meaningful. Thank you for this condensation of the original....very thoughtful.

Hey Wetapap: That was good, I mean really good. I wrote my first one on August of this year. Next you'll go back to the comments page a dozen times to see what everyone says. You'll get happy at some of the remarks and pissed at others. You wrote a nice piece of work and should be proud. I don't give kudos out that easy but you deserve one. Congrads from one who receives his share of remarks from both sides of the tracks

Your fellow writer and friend

DG Hear

Interesting outline of a story; a story that I'd like to read!

Keep up the good work!

I think we have a convert here! You'll enjoy the switch and be more gentle in your comments to others. It isn't always easy to read what others think of your efforts. Good start and welcome to the masochistic world of writing loving wives stories for Literotica!

WOW!!!

that is great I loved itr all the way.

iam the H20wader

I guess the foots on the other shoe now, isn’t it!

That was an excellent piece of writing, first effort or not. Congratulations.

Way to go nice story.....enjoyed the way you put it together

Excellent. I agree I hope there is a part 2. I hpoe you continue to write more outlines/stories.

Roger

I enjoyed your first story. I hope you write more.

Boyd

Very nicely done, I truely enjoyed it.

Now you get to start on the next idea-- so good luck.

Looking forward to more.

Writingdragon

That was a fun read.

I've never seen the like in a story on this site. I'm amazed that you don't have a long list of stories and I do hope you write more. A new fan.

You wrote exactly how I feel...about writing...nice twist at the end...now if only I had the balls to write...

This was FUN. Thank you.

Are you gonna tell us how you killed them?

wetapap:

This one was very good, humous, and very different. Thank You. Ronnie W.

Very unique premise. The Loving Wives genre is interesting to read but the reality is rather painful.

Good job.

Not worthy of furthercomment

Finally an original story. So nice not to read a story where the guy's not a billion-jillionaire who spends $100,000.000 on a PI to get the goods on a cheater.

Excellent hope you have some more stories written

Wetapap, congratulations on the story. It was a nice twist and different. I enjoyed it and hope to see more.

I loved it. The story in a story was great. Thanks.

If this story was a painting, it would have been Escher’s. Just like Escher’s twirling stairs; rooms; turtles or fish so is wetapap leading you from stage one to stage two of his ‘sketches’ to his planned story, and before we know it, we are well IN the story. And we where thinking that we have not started yet! Smart!

But it’s not only smart. It’s also funny (like when he pokes fun at zealot critics) and it‘s actually also a parody of most stories in “Loving Wives”. But, as is the case with every thing else he writes, it’s done in a good hearted spirit and with kindness. You can just feel his love for all those classic stories of the genre.

Did I mention the ability to phrase things in simple language (as a very good and quite rare quality) and the ability not to take himself too seriously, even as he writes so well and unpretentiously? Go figure, maybe wetapap himself belongs to somewhere in Escher’s multistable perceptual phenomena, picking at life and at us from within or is it from the out side?

Welcome Wetapap to this side of the fence. You're a welcome addition and, of course, we now expect to read more. Thanks for a gem of a story.

You write extremely well and I'm honoured to have you comment on my stories. A great tale, very well done and I loved the twist.

I hope you have some more to submit,

janiexx

all at the same time!

Unfortunately, all too

Rare a combination...

Ha! Ha! Very Funny!

Dorkwithoutclass. LMAO. hilarious.

Kudos

This one comes from left field. Well done

I'm a simple person with simple words, so no, I am not going to search my dictionary or thesaurus to search for big words for what should be a brilliant critique...so can I just say this story was simply delicious. Hooked me in from the start, and then spewed coffee on my monitor with the ending!

hilariously brilliant. Kudos!

Great twist. Wonderful story. Thank you.

this is one of the best " loving wives" story i've read. great job. Kudos!

it doesn't need a part2, but should you decide ... It surely is a funny one. Keep writing please. G.Belgium

Life as a joke huh :) Why not.. Yoron

Call me a sentimental moron, but all these stories sound like you've been hurt prteyy badly sometime...

Still, all that musing apart, I loved all your stories..keep writing and I'll keep reading.

ZAra

You are either an extremely sensitive and imaginative person or you have had some very rough experiences. Besides all this you play beautiful music....

You did the outline without all the details...now do the hard part. Finish the story with all the feelings and results of those feelings... Good start!

As with most of your stories, this is merely an idea for a story, an embryo. No surprises here. Please go to the trouble of writing an actual story, if you intend to post it.

This is a real story, why don't you just go away.

You could see this coming from a mile away and it still read great. Really enjoyed it.

Like Anon below I could see it coming but that didn't prevent me from laughing. Liked it very much. Thank you.

This is the second time I've read this submission, and for the second time I find my self starting to smile and then chuckling by the end. Cute, and as others have replied, I saw it coming but enjoyed the heck out of it. Thank you.

Funny, until you think it over. the tag "irony" fits perfectly.

Good story, but kinda jerked me around.

It came slowly, but surely, first a smile, then a outright laugh. I've not read all the stories on this site, but even so, I'd have to say this story is indeed unique. I had to read it twice to get the full effect and both times it was a hoot.

My hat is off to you, 1) for writing such a excellent story with so few words, and 2) for sharing this story.

Well done.

please continue writing .

Wow. Very unique. I like it.

Meaning a story about itself! Wow!

impressive

Was original and I loved it; 5* from me.

Psychic and profound in one fell swoop ROFL -

You just gotta wonder where that one went - he had not planned his fictional ending so no real clues where his head goes on these trips - great job - thanks for you effort - again -

Very good original idea..

Too bad the writer (not this author) did not outline the consequences. She might have packed and been gone by the time he got home.

Clever. Nicely done.

Apparently, Sweetie did not attend to (or understand) the cover note!

Pithy as all get-out!

5*

Now I know how all the greats came to be !!!

Very cleverly done. Simplicity is underrated .

4 *'s

why doesn't this moron finish his shit?

Cause he's too fuckin lazy and thinks its 'clever' to post short unfinished shit and say it took a lot of time.

"Betty I...

Before I could finish she cried out a desperate plea "Please don't leave me!"

"The Story " and "Blinding Ashes" each story was different in length and ending. The Story made me laugh and "Blinding Ashes" made me cry. The female lead in "The Story" deserved the pain of a break-up and the female lead in "Blinding Ashes" brought tears to my eyes. "Blinding Ashes" was the best of all of your work. I would like to see you try again, but maybe a different ending on the new work.

Okay, I’ll admit it was unique. But it was kind of silly and had no real content. And I don’t think it took a lot of effort, just judging by the length of it. Best I can do for this one is give it a 1, just for intention, I suppose.

Say what you will, a new twist on a LW story is a breath of fresh air.

...but is there a good way?

I like stories that finish with open questions. It adds to the drama. This one could go anywhere. Good story.

Good story, with a little bit of a different slant. I enjoyed it.

his readers cannot read his feeble mind that needs closure not a surmise, TK U MLJ LV NV

This was about as perfect as you can get. It's not easy writing a full short story in one page but you did an admirable job. Thanks.

Creative indeed. Never read such a story. Well done.

Again, a really good little short story. You have the touch.

Just read this story. How did I miss it for 3 years? I love stories that do not follow the usual formula: Came home early, strange car in the driveway, heard a noise upstairs, found them doing the dirty in our marital bed. You know the rest. This story is a well-written breath of fresh air. It's not length that matters, it's contents. Five stars!

You actually surprised me, way to go

Definitely a different take on a familiar theme. Loved it!