All Comments on 'The Talons of a Dark Heart Ch. 06'

I know this is your first story, and the first three chapters proved that the story had great potiential, and then comes chapter 4,5 and 6. Because you're new to this, let me offer a few words of advice. 1) If you're going to write a rape scene, you'd better have the heroine act appropriate to character after it happens. Meaning, after a rape, most heroines are disgusted by the raper, have bouts of hysterics at a touch, or anything, and because Taylis is supposed to be a spitfire, I would have long since expected an attempt on his life. 2) I love alpha males but Novak is no such thing. He's cold, and childish, and doesn't understand the difference btwn right and wrong. I dont know how you created him, but this isn't a hero most people wish to read about. 3) This story may be scifi-fantasy but i think chapter 4 belongs in BDSM or group sex because that was what it was. 4) Your dialogue has gotten to the point of ridiculousness. "My mark will protect you"--Novak. How so? The only way anyone would see that mark is if they pulled off her shift and tried to rape her again. By that time, she'd probably be bleeding anyway, so how stupid could Novak be? 5) Gareth is one annoying character. Maybe you intended to write him as a contradiction to Novak but he's just not written well. He comes across as a spineless pushover. 6)You are rushing this story. How could Taylis possibly be jealous of a women who likes Novak so soon after a rape? Come on. Be sensitive. 7) I think you'll be losing quite a few readers with these chapters but well...what can you do? Hopefully, you'll somehow try to rework this mess of a story. Like I said, Chapters 1-3 made sense, everything else can be deleted, and reworked. I wouldn't mind reading a reworked chapter 4, 5, and 6.

I find no flaws in ur skills to write..But this story line is just not helping it.Its just that the whole story has become unreadable now..I m deeply disappointed..U r making a gangrape victim accept the touch of her tormentor who seems more animal than human..Has she no emotions..She's behaving like a dummy..And how much do u think u ll let Novak humilate her now infront of another woman.And when will the bastard receive punishment for his sins?Or do u think it was something which can b easily forgiven and forgotten?

This story is EXCELLENT! the love scenes are hot! I really like your style of writing and I absolutely love the characters and plot development. I can't wait for the next installment and look forward to them SHARING how they feel to one another. I am so glad you updated. Thank you.

do you really expect us to sympathize with that asshole? so fucking what if he feels remorse for his actions. And then to top it all off hes gonna make her, the supposed love of his life, run around after his new bitch and have her help raise THEIR children?? WTF!!! i dont wanna give up on this story but seriously this is just getting ridiculous PLZ FIX THIS!! fucken hell

Its right.Ur story is becoming ridiculous.The princess feeling pleasure from novak.Oh!Come on!Its becoming a spine less story.Good attempt in the beginning of the series but all wasted in the end.Do u think v ll rejoice over talyis's slavery to novak,his wife n children.Oh u must b joking.I m done with this story.

It you are so proud of your derogatory comments then why not post your names. Then do us all a favor and quit reading the story. I for one don't want to hear you complaints!

To hear some of the commenters say this story hasn't been good since chapter four. Then why he hell are you still reading it? Obviously they'll claim they won't read the story anymore but I bet they'll read the next few chapters anyway and post something negative. I would take their comments with a grain of salt. I'm eager to see what happens next. Keep it coming.

I absolutely loved chapters 5 & 6!! I have been checking Lit every single day soley for new chapters of this story! It is absolutely gorgeous! I gobbled these up as soon as seeing them posted. Oh I just want to stomp my foot at the thought of Calena marrying Novack and being cruel to Taylis! I absolutely love her jealousy as well! You've done a great job. I was ecstatic to see chapter 6 was two full pages! Please keep up the awesome work!

I'm sorry, you do know that there are anonymous readers on this site, don't you? And by posting your name what have you proved? That you signed up for a literotica account and posted no stories? Oh please! Anonymous or LitE name--you're still anonymous! Taylis, this story has gotten ridiculous. I'm sorry. I know its your first attempt but the characters started out great, and then you let them go crazy. Taylis has become a spineless ninny, and Novak an unrepentant, unredeemable bastard. The only reason I read it to this point was to see if you could correct what you did in Chapter 4 and 5. You didn't. I dont think you have any intention of doing so. I'm sorry, like many other readers, I will quit while I'm ahead. I dont feel like being disappointed further.

and can't judge this story (to be fair I'll score in the middle)I can't help but comment on the issue of being anonymous.<p>The lady calling herself" Rattlertoo" made a statement I have a mild issue with. Giving your opinion as Anon is no worse then given your opinion as whatever name you choose. Your profile facts really don't sway my opinion of you one way or the other, let's see your female, between 41-50 years old from Louisiana, your straight, do nothing kinky, are married, don't smoke, drink once in a while, like cats and dogs, been reading smut since 2007 and are interested in nothing. Wrong there, you're interested in erotic literature, otherwise why would you be here.<p>Would your opinion be different of this person (Anon) if the username was "Birdie". Not really, you still would have been angry at the negative comments, regardless of name.So what's the point of continuously knocking the name Anonymoous. I agree, however, if this story or any other doesn't turn you on, why keep reading and bitch about it.<p>When the reader gets into calling the author and other readers vial names then I have an issue with that reader. This type of critic is uncalled for. Author, thanks for letting me use your space to spout my opinion, and given some of your readers good entertainment.

There's a lot of good stuff here, and for a first effort it's really good. However, some others have made good comments about the characters. Talyis may be confused, and that's fine. But there's been no hint at all that she's attracted to Novak, that she recognizes him as the boy who ran away. For her to respond to the man who has branded her and handed her over to his troops -- it strains believability.

Novak is petulant. Maybe that will change when we know the full circumstances of Talyis' kidnapping, but for now, he's just a spoiled brat. For a grown man -- a king -- to be basically out to get the cheerleader to spurned him, is verging on ridiculous. How can he run things if he's so obsessed with this, and he does indeed seem obsessed.

The only character worthy of any empathy is Gareth. Novak, right now, is simply a villain, a cretin. Talyis is... colorless. She's not spineless, I don't agree with that, but she is inconsistent. It is hard to believe, as someone mentioned, that someone as strong-willed as Talyis is supposed to be has not at least tried to escape.

If you don't have an editor, one might help. There are the usual grammar/punctuation issues that every one has, and that interrupt a story's flow ("woe" instead of "woo" for example). But I think an editor would also be able to help with the continuity of both the story and the characters.

Now, on the other hand -- if you are simply writing a dark story that will end with Talyis breaking (as opposed to Novak's redemption) -- perhaps this should be under another subject heading.

The mark of a good writer is one who can get the reader feeling emotions. Well, you did that. I can honestly say I hate Novak! He acts like a spoil brat that needs the shit beat out of him. The storyline has enraged me with you having him so instantly taken with Calena and having made Talyis basically her slave. Not to mention him directing her gang rape! (personally, I think Novak and Calena deserve each other). I hope you know the direction you are planning on taking this... like turning it around somehow. Because I don't know if I can stomach much more of the way it is going. I just wish you put more backbone in Talyis and get her away from the jerk. At least let her escape, she should hate Novak. She was born a princess not a slave so she should not be that accepting of what is happening to her. I did rate you with 5 stars because you are a good writer and I agree with an earlier comment about getting an editor. A good editor could only improve your talent. Here's a thought, find Talyis another love and far away from Novak. I can't find any redeeming qualities in him. *sign* Anyway, I do think you are a good writer and I want to encourage you in continuing your writing. I look forward to seeing more stories from you in the future.

Excellent story thus far, hope revenge is sweet!

I like the direstion your story is heading in. The only thing I ask is, can you please make the chapters a little longer. I hope the story starts to make a 360 because I am really disliking the main characters. It is realy a heart wrenching story.

I like the story. For a minute I thought you was going to make Taylis weak and patheitc. but i see she is buying her time. Get to know your emeny before you make a more. I don't like the blonde chickie Celenta. She got something up her sleeve. Watch your back Novark she going to hurt you. Thank you for making Taylis a woman of color(black woman). You are doing a good job please continue to update DON'T FORGET US UPDATE REGULARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS COMMENT GOES TO ALL THE HATERS IF YOU DON'T LIKE A STORY. FINE ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY; I DON'T LIKE IT! ITS NOT MY CUP OF TEA, THIS STORY IS NOT FOR ME, OR DON'T LEAVE A COMMENT! YOU DON'T HAVE PUT A PERSON OR DOWN CALL THEM NAMES. THAT SHOWS HOW DUMD AND CHILDISH YOUR BEHAVIOR. GROW UP AND LEAVE A OPINION THAT HELP THE AUTHOR TO WRITE BETTER STORIES. IT PISS ME OFF HOW SMALL MIND PERSON CAN BE SO DUMD. YES THIS IS A GOOD STORY SOME PARTS I DON'T AGREE WITH BUT THE AUTHOR IS GROW. SHE IS GIVING HER CHARACTERS DEPTH EMOTIONS FLAWS. THINK ABOUT IT WHO WANTS TO READ ABOUT PERFECT CHARACTERS THEY ARE BORING. THATS WHY WE READ STORIES FOR FANTASY FOR THE OUTLET. WE THE READERS ARE THERE TO ROOF FOR OUR CHARACTERS CUSS THE OUT AND APPAUD WHEN THE HERO GETS THE GIRL OR VICE VERSE. PLEASE LEAVE A OPINION THAT MATTERS OR DON'T POST ONE.

TAYLIS PLEASE CONTINUE WITH YOUR STORY DON'T LISTERN TO THE IDIOTS BUT LISTERN TO YOUR FANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wow i going to keep my comment to the story. i really love your writing. i hope the navapa princess helps talyis. please dont quit this story. i am still going to read it. i am sure you have more to tell.

This is such an amazing story. I truly hope to read the next installment soon!

..seriously wht the fuck...

i now this is fiction but what human being in their right mind would give a flying fuck about their rapist love interest and be "content" to raise his little bastards while any children that may result from her continuous rape would be sent down "the mines" ...any woman would DEFINATLY remember such a statement.

novak is an arsehole!!!!!! and in my books i would hav poked out his 'green eyes' and shoved them up his arse. but i dont blame the character i blame the writer.

Just because you can't write a story don't take it out on people who honestly try. If you don't like it then don't read it and don't be an ass. Nobody told you to read this, get a life already instead of putting down others who do their best to write stories for others to read

Then, while Talyis was in the market wrapping the food, she noticed a blacksmith and stole a branding iron, hiding it in the folds of her new dress. Later that night, she shoved the branding iron into the ass of the bound and gagged Novak. She laughed at what a whore he was and when her arms grew tired, she carefully placed the iron into the fire. She then wiped Novak's bloody ass with the same handkerchief used on her after her gang rape, grabbed the branding iron and held the red hot end to various parts of his weakening body until she could no longer stand the stench of his burning flesh. After grabbing weapons and gold, she rode away thinking about a non-con adventure that isn't this stupid as this one.

Seriously--Novak sulks and stews for years as he works to grain power then takes his country to war so he can abduct the girl who was his childhood playmate, enslave her and gang rape her to the point of internal injuries--all because that 11 year old girl had a crush on him and said he had cooties.

What a spoiled brat. Why didn't he just put a frog in her desk or pull her pig tails like all the other boys?