All Comments on 'The Transformation Ch. 01'

sounds just like most people that reach middle age. they get stuck in a rut and don't see how to get out of it. being in a rut is not exciting.

The lack of commas in the proper place makes it extremely difficult to read. The characters are one dimensional with a total lack of emotion. I had more fun reading the directions for putting my grill together.

Until the end of the story I thought thst the story had all ingredients to be a good story...even with what happen in the theater...Because what she needed was to spice her life with her husband, just like her friend...That what she should have said to her husband...But no, what she said was: "I want to sleep with other people!"!!!! That make the story go to just 2*....Let's hope the next part can resume the good story...

you feel that way you should tell your spouse and just head out the door and go live your new life don.t get into bed like nothing is going on because i believe the spouse can get along quite well without him or her but if you do step out before speaking to your spouse your just another pig.

The punctuation is lacking. The emotion is lacking. It's a very dry narrative with no fire or passion. It's like a cook book.

This is a very fast first draft. Read it out loud to yourself and you will see some of the problems. The interior monologue is stilted, to say the least. The written characterization of Doug as a 'catch' does not fit with his arrogant, dismissive and one dimensional, self-absorbed attitude. Vicky wants Doug to be a responsive lover for the whole story, until the end when she suddenly announces she wants to have sex with other people, to the surprise of the reader, since there was no foreshadowing of this as a possibility. Likely she would have watched the couple having sex without participating and felt more neglected and lonely than ever. This would have been more in keeping with the character so far developed.

So h is supposed to be a mind reader? She has feelings she doesn't communicate and he's the heavy? Her come ons to him were out of character for her but HE was the poor lover. Her rash decision to sleep with others was a nice twist but a poor choice for her. Hopefully she will change her mind or get divorced

I hate being the Grammar Police, but this was difficult to read. I'm not sure an editor could help you with this next problem. The stories delivery seemed "wooden". It was almost as exciting as reading my grocery list. The dialogue felt stilted. Maybe the next chapter will improve.

I guess I'm pissed at her for hiding her needs and hoping he'd "get it." I'm pissed at him for not at least getting it a little. Not sure there should be hope for this relationship since neither of them are mature enough to talk when and about things that are important to each if them as individuals. I don't know if these personality traits were chosen on purpose to create a "perfect storm" situation to allow her to slut it up but I'm fairly sure to be disappointed with the rest if the story so I'll stop at chapter one.

Well maybe tomorrow will be a better day. One can only hope. I'll pass on chapter 2.

one part of a couple should become a mentalist from one second to the other and to make a story (not really) the other does the most stupid thing he/she can do.

so what do you expect ? this is shit and the divorce (second marriage already) would be 100% coming, otherwise he would not have divorced the first time.

anything else would be mathematically and humanly impossible as he is a wealthy man.

but of course you write another 10 chapters with an idiot of husband who in the end thinks that it is the most natural for a woman to fuck around.

in real life he would have gone to the basement to sleep and serve her with divorce papers before she would wake up. end of story with only one more paragraph

She comes in with her clothes half undone,and announces that she wants to fuck other people......and he didn't send her packing. Either this is going to be written where he's already cheating himself...or he's going to let her cuck him. I'd have put her out on the street....ASAP.-Gunns

Maybe in a chapter or two we will see something more erotic than a desultory S&F and a brief Fem dildoing a dude!

Needs editing!

2*

Unlike the rest of the people who have left comments , I like the store so far. Please keep going. I hope to see chapter two soon. Thanks.

When she said how handsome her husband was. Lets see, mid 40's, extremely wealthy, the body of a 20 something football player and humble. HOLY FUCK, WHO IS THIS PERFECT MAN??? And her? Sweet Jebus! How incredible can a woman get and to work out for 6 hours straight? She should have her own workout DVD's.

You're a fucking idiot.

Nice set up. Has potential. Keep it going. Just ignore the usual boring and useless negativity that seems to follow most of the good stories on this site from those who have nothing positive to contribute.

can't wait for ch2!

Please continue this story. Love where you are taking it. So many options

I really liked it. I'm a little torn due to my fetish with innocents being led to drug use etc... so I am curious where you can take this. Thank you for your effort

I hope you continue with this with a part 2.