All Comments on 'The Truth Shall Set You Free'

I submited my story via email and somehow it got formated in a weird manner. It was not my intention to have it submited looking like this. I'm very sorry and regret that I may have annoyed readers.

No apology necessary. It's a very good story, and it was easy to read past the formatting.

Irritating formating now gone.

Well written and sensitve, with depth of emotion and erotic sex.

a very pleasureable read

-Colly

LE, congratulations, you've written a lovely, romantic and sexy tale. The dialogue and the pace are perfect. I really enjoyed the warmth between the two characters, well done.

Very sweet and senual story!

I enjoyed your story. Great job! :) I'm planning on reading your other stories as well.

Lying Eyes,

Congratulations on a well written and heart felt tale of finding love and belonging. Great sex coupled with discovery and new found love makes for a wonderful story and contented readership. Nicely done.

~lucky

After reading your post, thought I would check out your work. You have moments of brilliance, but sometimes you get bogged down in needless descriptors. Enjoyed the blend and mix of emotions you created.

I would have been a bit more comfortable with a 90 rating, as I find 100 unreal. Still, I wanted you to know of my serious appreciation of your story, and decided not to quibble with me.

As you must know there are many seduction or similar lesbian erotic stories now available on the web, and many have similar settings.

For me, your's is clearly a stand-out for two reasons. The first is the slow and languid telling of the story, although building to a necessary conclusion you didn't rush to score a "money-shot", but allowed the real tensions of the characters unfold before us.

Second, I found a truth in the feelings expressed and demonstrated although we know very little of the character and work-a-day goings on of these women, which I think might have accenutated the tension, discover and release.

Of course I will read your other story, and encourage you to continue writing and sharing your stories with us.

imouse, LA

imouseboy@aol.com

The pace of this was just about right for me. (A standard formula handled well.)Probably knocking it is more valuable than praise, so here goes:

I think some paras are too long and could gain from being split. The first para is a bit long-winded. (A short first para helps ease a reader into the story.)

Maybe a few of the wordy descriptions could be shortened/dropped.

To me there is an excess of 'I's', 'Me's', 'She's, 'Her's'. Some could be dropped, or a name used. (I grabbed a random para below. If you read it I'm sure you will see how this could be enhance by a wee bit of rerwrite.)

"(I) opened my mouth wider and sucked (her) stiffening nipple into (my) mouth as (my) tongue played with the sensitive areola. (My) teeth lightly grazed the rigid nipple as tongue and nipple met tip to tip. (I) could spend all night there but unspoiled treasures awaited discovery. (I) released (my) lips from (her) nipple as (my) tongue licked downwards. (My) tongue paused to lather underneath the breasts and continued down the path of glory. (My) tongue stopped at (her) cute belly button, it probed inside the small hole leaving a trace of moisture from (my) tongue. (My) hands caressed (her) breasts and pinched (her) nipples as (she) lay on the bed. Once again, (I) continued until (I) reached (her) panties. What marvelous panties! They matched (her) bra with lovely red flowers embroidered on the black fabric. As (I) did with (her) bra (I) gave each red rose a soft peck. (I) heard a moan come from (her) lips and (she) whispered, "Please." (I) smiled; soon (I) would kiss the prettiest flower of all.

That's 26 instances in one random average para.

There were odd spelling errors, and spots where commas may help. However, overall this is a very good effort, and rated an 80 from me. I only offer crit as I think the story is worthy of a wee bit of re-writing to make it outstanding. I shall certainly read more of your work. Thanks. Candida.

Just wanted to say i loved it!...very romantic...i love romance,lol..dont get it often. keep writing, ill be sure to keep reading! gr8 job!!!!!!

this story is amazing

It descibes dome of my feelings toward my best friend

It's really insightful!!!

Thanks for posting

Loved it! Chapter 2 please!