by imprimatur
Some of the scenes during which Derrick is making love to Allison are very hot, but I found it too confusing to be jumping around from paragraph to paragraph to read about her husband's reaction, about Susie & Ed, etc. etc. It was just too hard to follow and interfered with the level of erotic tension. With a good editor, this story could be absolutely fantastic! I'm looking forward to more stories from you, as I love interracial sex and reading about it.
I on the other hand found the jumping from paragraph to paragraph very exciting. It forces the reader to imagine and linger more and longer on every scene. Brilliant in my opinion. Also, the story is super hot! The fact that you didn't right away jump to the obvious parts, but had them hanging somewhat was also very cool! Also, the language seemed very adequate. Good work - pleace continue (allthough it's been a while)!
a total new form of writing. i loved it. plus the content is also too good. please continue.
The story was really good and I enjoyed it, but I have to ask if you just discovered the Thesaurus? Sometimes simple is okay and repeating a word twice is okay. There is no need to come up with obtuse words for the sake of it. Again though, the story was really good and i enjoyed it immensely.
I don’t read many interracial stories much due to lack of interest but this has a good flow and a great opportunity for future chapters including sexual interactions from both Amanda and Susie even if you don’t follow through I’m sure another author would follow it up