All Comments on 'The Velvet Choker Ch. 03'

Totally messed up, is it that easy to messed up someone, higher PI and and you can make anyone do whatever you want, then more than half of population will be sucking cocks to save their asses. You never planned it, you just wrote the this chapter to make readers feel good, you could have done same (make him suck cock) but without making Bill some super bond guy. A normal guy could never get her wife back from Mike, you want to say. THis is totally bullshit. Well you always mess up in the end, I was hoping you can make exception this time, try to make people emotional and gutsy.

that what i'm talking about.a man with some balls.

. . . or maybe out of thin air. This chapter developed too quickly for my taste, but that's okay I guess. I do like the idea of economic violence and retribution rather than kick him in the balls one more time just to make sure he's finished.

Most of the events in this chapter need a lot more setup to come off as natural. The basic story is still viable; let's see where it goes.

A Gay moment, a Lesbian moment, a group sex moment, a blackmail moment. Is there any other cliche or topic you could throw in? Of course this chapter is something for every one isn't it? Even the non-consent/Bdsm readers will like it as well as the Gay and Lesbian readers. If that was your goal then you will succeed in getting someone off. This non-story is dead in the water just like the marriage of this couple. End the story here.

Nice retribution, much better than beating the crap out of asshole in a dark alley. Now, after he has demonstrated to his wife just what she is and that he is in control, he can complete the destruction of Mike Stone.

As another poster said, the change in control could have taken longer, but nicely done and thoroughly enjoyable.

They really know how to hurt you. Now this went off in an entirely different direction.<P>

Thanks for sharing.

Keep them coming!

In my comment to Chapter 2, I noted any eventual reconciliation would seem hollow now that hubby had given up his balls and wasn't fighting for his wife. Then you turn around and post a Chapter 3 where he almost immediately grew a pair and started using them.

Do I have any criticisms? Okay, I don't like reading about guys doing things together, but I understand why you did that here. (What better way to both neuter the Dom while taking control of the Sub than to so completely humiliate him in the Sub's presence?) I also agree that you've given something to everyone here, and it all seems a little fantastic and cliche.

Still, my main complaint was that no reconciliation would be realistic until the tension was created, and you created the tension here. You got hubby fighting back, you got wife now fighting both to save her marriage and string out her relationship, then the tension of being forced to do another woman in her husband's presence--a definite first for her.

Thus, while the story may seem like a fantasy rather than gritty and realistic, it is at least now working as a story and perhaps drawing some interest into seeing what Bill eventually does. Would I have played it the way you did? Of course not, but it's not my story and I typically refrain from criticizing the plot.

Kudos.

I am now interested to see how you maintain the tension on the other end of the spectrum. How is wifey going to react, or will she just willingly submit to the new woman joining their marriage?

The revenge and torch the bitch guys will praise you for this utter nonsense and bullshit story.

Love the revenge, both personal and financial, but poor Bill had to make the asshole suck his dick, couldn't he have subcontracted that out. Look forward to the next chapterwhere u reveal the details of her affair and the velvet choker's signifigance.

So far, Nancy has had a monrhs long sexual escapade, got rid if the abusively dominant lover, is having sex with a young woman which is something she recently was turned on to by her dom lover, and she is having oral sex with her almost estranged husband whom she hoped would return to her. Looks like Nancy's god has answered her prayers.

Lets face it, computer nerd fucked around with two women while he was (is) married. Yes, his wife fucked around as well, but at least she had the honesty to admit it while nerd boy hasn't got the balls. Nonetheless, neither one of them are likeable characters; but it's good to see them both geting their rocks off.

Based on previous stories by this author, I am not too surprised at how this chapter unfolded. I suspect the "hero" will either take her back after humiliating the wife some more or they will separate when she realizes that she may prefer lesbian sex more.

Boyd

This story seems to have a completely different voice and the characters aren't acting consistently with their behavior in Ch. 01 and Ch. 02. I agree with Rehnquist - nice to see Bill grow a set and use them and I understand about using the mm to humiliate the former dom, but this chapter seemed quite strange.

I enjoyed the way Mike was handled, but there seems to be a bit missing from the story. I think (just a suggestion) that the interaction between Nancy and Bill needed to be developed a bit. We go for weeks between events without a inkling about what and how Nancy are talking, acting. Also we really don't see how Bill convinces Nancy to work against Mike in the end, did he threaten divorce, does she know he had seen a lawyer? Too many loose ends. I think another chapter dealing with Bill and Nancy after the confrontation would have worked. Anyway, good ending. Thanks!

He finally figured out what his wife needs and that is treated like a whore and humiliated.

Now that he knows that he will be able to handle her the way she wants to be handled, he can make her do anything he wants.

I hope that there is more to the story, that shows how far he takes his wife in to submission and how he keeps his lover Patricia happy.

From Digdaddy's comment I thought I'd take a look I'll go check out Ch.1...Mancelt.

....drugs than I can find these days to let this chimera slide . Don't know what prompted Reinquist's comments other than hypoxia or the "bends", even if you swallow this regurge who cares if the boring tramp comes back?

If I were Bill I send the photos of Mike out anyway, and then divorce his whore wife Nancy, especially since the cunt did things for another man that she wouldn'd do for her husband, Then forceher to watch as he and Patrica made love to eac other. He should also make her atten thier wedding as Patrica's bridesmaid to further humiliate her

I didn't care for the story. I kept waiting for Bill to grow a pair. The "revenge" was contrived. Nancy's change of heart in now wanting to listen to Bill and "betraying" Mike wasn't explained or expected, at least for me.

However, the technical aspects of your work were good. I feel there are a couple of holes in the plot. From the description of Chapter 3 I expected a much different action from Bill.

I'm not one of the torch the bitch crowd but in this case I have to join their ranks.

Thanks for your hard work.

I agree. The end offers no explanation of why Nancy who was listening to Mike for a LONG TIME, suddenly shifted her loyalty back to her husband who, according to your story, was caustic to her husband, which does not indicate a willing or contrite spirit

You still can't or won't resolve or conclude. You build a situation, have several very interesting twists, build excitement, but never finish. You could be a good author but if you continue in this fashion you won't.

show her shaved pussy and he feels her up in front of him. Second he comes to the house and the husband doesn't beat the shit out of him? WTF come on man!!!

Mike fucked with a husband who had more money ( aka options ) then most. Bill knew the financial pressure points to apply against & used them with alacrity. The wife's standing slips a notch on the totem pole but at least she has a new playmate.

It's no longer a marriage of equals. But judging from how each half of the couple handled their affair, it never really was.I can remember very few stories that made such a turnaround in terms of my personal reading enjoyment. It was written well, regardless of ending, but now it's of " re-readable " quality.

Kinda... He should have fucked Mike in the ass then taken him to a gay bar to be gang-raped... Pat should move in. Menage a trois.

So what was the significance of the velvet chocker with a pearl? Things moved a little fast in the chapters. Needed more explanation of Nancy's fall and degradation by Mike.

Enough said

SO after doing nothing for 2 1/2 chapters all of a sudden Bill becomes the Master of all he surveys? Number one, post this crap in Gay Male so no one needs to read it. Number two, how do you justify such a complete turnaround from spineless wimp to a man who forces another man to suck his dick, gets a practical stranger to let his wife suck her pussy and then informs his wife that she's about to get fucked by a strap on? What would make Patricia agree to any of these nonsense? Wow did you make a giant, unbelievable, implausible leap in this sad attempt to end a poor story. Just plain awful.

Humiliation hides guilt. Love is the only antidote.

With no to-do wifey is thru with lover boy???? And she's ready to be Bill's bitch? Use her until you are tired of her then throw her out!

I think Galt should just shoot himself,that would do away with all this faggot drivel.

There's never been a man as wimpy as this main character despite the silly ending. Kinda makes me think the author could be queer.

Fag stories. Leave the women out and put your stories in the queer section where you belong.long live HIV

I read this far and found no ending to the story. Maybe because you wrote yourself into a corner? The way things stand they're going to turn into a triple. No other ending makes sense. But that ending is so cliched.

Seven years later you still haven't figured out an ending?

This is why writers outline the story first. So a very promising beginning just withers on the vine.

But your ended stopped it in it's tracks. Just totally unrealistic.

Our hero spends his time grinding his teeth, feeling like shit because his wife is cheating on him. He gets his act together and puts the hammer down on lover boy, ending the wife's affair.

You're telling me that adding another potential lover to his situation, another person as a distraction or potential sex partner will give him what he wants? Another option to cheat as she's already shone she's willing to do.

NOT too smart.

Shit ending, shit revenge. Losers the lot of them

Did not like the story at all

Scores 2/5

Since you published thas over 10 years ago I assume there will be no chapter 4. Too bad the Finishthedamnstory collaboration is no longer in operation.

Each chapter certainly had a different flavor.

So if he was going to stay with the wife in some sort of a threesome, why go through all the divorce preparation?

Humiliation payback can be a real bitch.

Second time around score is now downgraded, it is a shite tale

1/5

When he saw cue ball at the mall, he should have pummeled him. When they showed up at the bar after New Orleans, he didn't do anything. Such a coward. Also, I hate when writers make the wife into a mindless puppet zombie as we see here. Not going to happen. God that pisses me off.

This was just plain BAD!!!

Yeah, Casey44. It is. 1 star.

The BEAR