All Comments on 'The Visit'

this was an outline for a story NOT a postable story. this needs to be three times longer with more background, character development and plot buildup. this also needs a better longer end, you just left us hanging AS USUAL FOR THIS SITE.

The story could of been better. Would of liked to seen more details. The sex went too fast.

it made me remember my cousins efforts

It was ok, try to get more detail in what was going on. It seemed that you was rushing through the story.

Awkward and distant. I got the impression that everything was going on behind a pane of glass or something. There was nothing to draw the reader into the story.

Don't hold your characters at arm's length. Bring the reader closer. Try again.

Sometimes people do have sex in a quiet way and they enjoy it just as much as the shouters