All Comments on 'The Visitor'

Quin, An excellent story well written, and as good as a lot of your stories and better than some. I throughly enjoyed it. I guess there will be others who will as well. But you'll most probably get the odd dickhead who thinks it's real, and make some sort sort of comment as though it were fact not fiction..

Quite a good idea but needs to be read again before submission. There are a number of obvious mistakes but it really needs a rewrite to make it more believable. The writer is the observer here but he never seems to get deeply involved. Maybe it should have been written in the first person by the husband?

is probably right saying the story would be better written in the first person. However, it does mean one cannot possible know then what happens in the minds of other characters or relate what happen physically when not present or out of view. I could not have shown the character Bill being wary when he sensed tension or described the wife showing off her panties - at that time her husband couldn't see her from the front.

I'm not sure about the comment re; observer - get involved?

If an observer gets involved then they cease to be an observer and become a participant. If you walk in on your neighbours having a wild sex party you don't get to analyse their motives, you can either observe, or participate.

I have no reason or inclination to want to re-write the story. Only on wet afternoons do I write or when my failing heath prevents me from being mobile. I write simple stories offering sexual titilation rattling out the text and running them by the spell check. My stories will always have mistakes,(sometimes even I cringe after re-reading them) Anyway we don't get paid for our work so re-writing here is silly - there are plenty of sites offering educational facilities should I be inclined to improve my ability. This is a sex site isn't it?

Neither am I interested in gaining maximum votes as most of us know that the system is very flawed and quite mmeaningless. Some though, will notice that I have recently expressed anger at this sites 'Taliban' who are unable to tolerate stories where women gain the upper hand and enjoy sex more than their male spouses. Female wimps are allowed in their world but never male ones!

(I have wondered why some feminist member hasn't commented but perhaps they don't read my stories!)

I am not here to improve my written English - just to offer light -hearted sexual fun.

Regards

quin.

I find stories written in the first person are not always the best approach, for how do you know what is going on in someone else's mind? And so often this knowledge is an integral part of the story. I was turned on as usual, Quin, by your latest story here. The one plea I would make is not to write in the present tense. That never seems to ring true.

You do need to follow up on some of these stories. we do want more and you leave us hanging. Great teasing story.

I love how he allowed himself to submit, and give in to his inexperienced desires not letting the fear of "what will happen after" stop him. It's mentally healing when we can release our urges or new found desires. Although I think before tonight her infidelity should have consequences. It could either strengthen or end their marriage. I love this story, you are officially the first author I've read.