All Comments on 'There Goes The Neighborhood'

9 pages when one would have done it what a waste of ink and my time the ones who would enjoy this are the walking dead.

This is as bad as it gets on this site

Only thing I can add occurred around page two where I skipped to the end paragraph on page nine. One "nods" the head in the affirmative and "shakes" the head in the negative - that was probably the smallest deficiency in what must have been nine pages of idiocy.

this story is really bad. i think im getting cancer from reading this.

...emotionless. The characters don't seem to care about one another & they've been married for how long? Also it needs proofreading, I think some paragraphs that were intended for earlier parts of the story were in later parts. You involved the authoriities at a certain point, but they don't really seem to do much of anything.

It needs a rewrite. The elements are there though.

for the subject matter since the readers don't like any of the characters. Interesting tale but readers have no investment and thus no interest. Good stories need a hero to balance the villain; this story needs a hero.

What could you have done? How bout say, my fucking wife and I aren't going to hang out in your house and do drugs for starters. And having two characters named Tony/Toni was almost as dumb as some of these idiots that use the same first letter for every name. Maybe dumber, I'm not sure I feel dumber for having read this garbage.

I'm glad I didn't read all the story. Yuck.

no likable players in this drama

the cops there use them.cockold as usual.hubby whining little bitch.

Glad i skipped to the last page.

It got so horrible so quickly, I had to skip to the last page to see if somehow our hero got some balls and was able to help his wife. Nope. Just a whinny wimp. Shit. Why would the author write such a long story that goes absolutely nowhere except in the trash. Yikes.

Hubby could have solved his problem with on assault rifle and a clap of ammo.

The rest is just wimpy shit.

...early on. I wouldn't read much more anyway once those pages mysteriously appear teasing with how long the story is.This had all the elements or at least the outline of the elements for a successful story, someday. As for anonymous douchebags trying to be clever,metronomic names is the worst thing your little cum dribbling brain can come up with? Loser.

No, make that terrible, no thanks.

The second half was plain depressing, and the finale was suicide-inducingly dreary. The whole mobster plot made no sense, and the idea that a local boss would be unprotected in his own home was absurd.

Please don't publish any more stories anything close to this one.

Please author - go back to that shit site called "dark wanderer" where this garbage belongs.

What a waste of space and time - move to england little sick one.

You have a talent, do not listen to those who criticise, they do that deliberately, the fact is, they read your story and just like me, they couldn't stop until the end. It was entertaining, eroctic, erotic erotic, and entertaining, not to mention arousing.

Looking forward to more of your capable work.

I really enjoyed this story, will there be another chapter?

Having read this I then read your other submissions, this is probably your best yet.

Remember you can't please all of the people all the time, and some people are just never happy!

I think it is a good idea from this web site to allow special needs people to post their stories here. It is too stupid to have been written by any normal person

Wow it was interesting for a bit but then it go way to long. You seem to be a good writer but you should consider breaking this down to different posts instead of making a 9 page story. It was almost like reading a book.

Some of the writing could have been left out to keep the story shorter and make readers more engaged. This has to be the longest story on this website.

...The story was quite long and long-winded. But, it was far superior to many stories posted so the labor to get through lots of "stuff" (including sex scenes in too much detail the third time around) was worth it in the end. I gave you a high rating for imagination and effort alone.

You do need an editor, not for the grammar or the syntax, but for the brevity and the pacing of the story. A fresh set of eyes can tell you that your baby is ugly a lot easier than for you to come to that realization.

Somehow this posting does not conclude the story. Either pages are missing at the end or you have a funny way of breaking up the story into submissions.

The plot had my attention and I did finish reading it all. However, the story didn't end it just quit. That was disappointing. If the story actually had an ending it might have received a 5.

Is this all there is - no real ending?

Hope you follow up--this was a sick, but very erotic story.

Liked and enjoyed your story. I thought it was erotic in a non-submissive way. Liked the way you developed the influence of drugs in the story. Drugs will push a person past old limits. Also, liked the way you returned to the past with the videos.

Keep up the good work. Write what you find interesting and enjoyable.

Vriesea

Bradley asked a good question - how did Marissa become so strung out in a few weeks? It is clear that she was lying to her husband and cheating on him long before he found her on Tuesday. Did Tony know how to hack into his websoite or did Marissa do it? How do Bardley explain the desire of his wife to rush home to him to give me sloppy seconds and eat Tony's creampie? For someone who claims to love her husband she forgot about him pretty quick after he left the party. Given loose ends like Bradley continuing to do their accounts warrants a sequel or at least an epilogue. Good story - I likes the details.

Screw the nay sayers! the story is good not great. You need to finnish it. I'm not sure ole Brad shouldn't have given his wifey a lethal does when he did Tony. Any how your writting is better than most of the people on this site, get an editor and keep writing!

You pushed the limits of what I could believe a little with all the mobster shit, (the one guy had a point - Tony is that high up but has no protection in his own home?) but I don't protest too much.

Great slut wife story that didn't follow the usual redundant pattern, you threw some hubby humiliation in there without going over the top with it, and that was nice, but kept the focus more on the sluttiness of the wife than on him.

I would say the ending is shit, but there really was no ending. I can only assume you plan to finish this story in another installment. Because if this is it, your readers are not likely to tune in to another story from you, we don't like to be left hanging.

BTW, I hope you already know this and don't need to be told, but the anonymous heckling section is really just the same ten slut-wife hating guys posting over and over again. You can tell by their lack of input and inability to write anything more than redundant 'this is crap you're a wimp' comments. Those type of visceral reactions to a simple work of fiction, let you know you've done well.

I really enjoyed this. A good story and good sex. Really well Done

Read part one now. Why isn't the whore dead? why isn't the husband in a different country? The wife needed to die horribly of some slow acting drug related or sex related infection. Aids woudl be good. Instead you write a second story with this fucked up stupid drugged out fucked out whore. And somehow she is still alive? WTF? And the second story is just as bad as this one. I hope this is only a fictional horror story.

is the constant whining of pistolfuckeduppete about the anonymous comments. Like a fucking broken record, over and over scratching at the same theme.

Another pathetic man getting a hardon watching his wife screwing someone else.

Why? I doesn't help your score.

This is as bad as any piece of shit I ever skirted through, your stories aren't worth the reading.

I find it ahrd to believe that Brad would spill all these secrets after JUST meeting this Tony guy. But the hardest part was the characters, they are just awful with no redeeming qualities.

Marissa is pretty much a done character. Tony whips out the drugs and she just jumps right in, then starts making out with him? It just wasn't a natural progression. At the party she was jealous but then it was like a downward spiral. She didn't care that her husband wasn't likign the changes in their relationship.

Of course Brad was kind of a dumbass. Tony makes some demeaning comments about his wife and he just laughs. Him not standing up for himself or demanding his wife treat him with respect

what are you writing?

nobody will stay and give a free pass to "tony" and "uncle" "gino"

your story is a piece of shit... and thats the best i can say.

the husband is retard or stupid.... and the wife... well is a whore.

and nobody goes away from that, free.

please make the story with logic.

and the husband .... divorce.

and go to the police and tell everything... everything.

and drugs in the house? please .... tony is a drug dealer and pimp?

and the web hacked... please is a serious offense and easy to track.

and the mob dont have a good hackers.... they are brutal but stupid?.

and the mob dont do that they respect the FAMILY allways. is the core

of everything, nothing is more important than family.

and they dont see well the fucking of a wife, makes troubles always...

and call the atention about Business of the family. put them in the radar

of F B I or police... and thats is a bad business.

the intelligent mob always have a low-profile... nothing in the press.

nothing for the cops and nothing for the husbands. Is too risk for a whore. If the cops have you in the radar... sooner or later you will make a mistake... and thats the end.

the people do everything for his family.

You wrote 9 pages of this crap? Fuck me, don't you have anything else to do? Halfway down page 1 was enough for me.

Ithink it was a good story. It shows how easy it is to be controlled by bad people and drugs. I would love to have you write much more. True in the story she was placed in rehab but that doesn't always work. The possibilities are endless. like another secret camera that Brad had no knowledge of that showed him overdosing Tony and the mobs slow getting back at them. keep the story going.

I liked it. WAY more plot than a lot of other things I've read on this site. Despite others' criticism of plausibility issues, I thought it had a good flow and tempo. Glad to see there's a continuation in the 'Marissa' Series which I hope to get to soon.

Like most here I read like the first three paragraphs then skipped the entire 9 pages to the last page. I then understood what the story was about.

Never underestimate the intteligence of your readers. You will only come out looking way stupid. This story is a prime example.

I dont care to read the other 8 pages for I know from the last page they are mostly crap.

I wont repeat what the other smart reviewers. We all agree except for the some that actually liked this drivvle.

If it was just 3 pages long (condensed to what actualy was need) then I would rate it a 3 but since its 9 pages of crap well there is just no vote for 0 stars so its a 1 star sigh.

John

But half the quality.

1) 90% of the people giving you shit, are either too stupid to know how to sign up for an account or to scared to even place a name (on the internet, for crying out load) to their comment.

2) 80% of those that do have an account and had bad things to say, haven't written anything themselves. It's easy to be a critic when all you do is sit in your moms basement and FAP or troll.

3) I liked the story, but it almost seemed like you got bored writing it. There's still questions lingering, which if intentional is fine, but there is some refinement needed.

4) thank you for taking the time to put your creative energy into a narrative and sharing it with us all.

Pile of shit, as is threeman45

I enjoyed the story. But it needs a more complete ending. Did the Hendersons get the Manassiaros out of their lives? Did Marissa get healthy or did she remain a coke whore? Did Henderson keep doing their books or did the FBI take them down? Lots of unanswered questions. Thanks for the entertaining read.

Now that you have re-released this story on another site, I hope this means that you will finish this story. For example, how did she become hooked so quickly? Can she recover? Can she drop being a size queen ? Can hubby really welcome her back after what he has seen? Can they separate from the M family and their thugs?

And Brad didn't just leave the cunt, why?

this must be one of your own personal fantasy,there is really nothing real in this ,sorry i give you two stars for the effort and i'm being nice

It wasn't a bad story and the build up was required to get her to the bottom, she couldn't do it in a day! It gave me a hard on lol women digging themselves into places they can't get out of and men for that is a timeless concept in story telling, I think many of the readers struggled to cope with it because you made it real rather than it being porn wank off fluff. Cheers.

Im giving you 4 stars for Bradley killing the motherfucker

for this enormous pile of shit

Generally, a good story, well-told. And the sex was spicy!! The few weaknesses disturbed the story and it's flow. First, both the husband & wife seemed impossibly unable or unwilling to resist matters, and fell into the swapping, the drugs and under the mobster's influence far too easily with little thought or sense of danger. Too naive in this way as well. Understandably, it's only a very short story, and little if any opportunity or patience (by writer OR reader) to develop a longer, more satisfying verison - still and all, story weakness that's hard to overlook. Can't go higher than a "4".

Only the same lame cuckold/wimp crap of a brain sick author!!!

Funny how in these stories, smart people become dumb and men become pussies so easily...... This was beyond reality, started well until the drugs and humiliation, then garbage.....2*****

I couldn't take it more than 2 pages. The main character is just too trusting, gullible and unrealistic. Nobody would react to things like him in real life unless he had no confidence in himself.

Stupid storyline.

why the unnecessary ethnic group slur?

The beginning was pretty good but then it took a nose dive becoming sissy cuck shit!

But don´t be sad, the loving wife section is made to 99% out of cuck shit ..

Who would ever have thought that drugs were so addictive and dangerous?

Don't you think that someone should be warning people about drugs?

I'm surprised that a strip club owner would do such a thing!

Tax lawyers are smart...well, maybe not this dumbass!

WTF?!!

This was an awesome story until the break in at Tony's house. I think you should have taken a more conventional confrontation. I also read the Marissa series. Not so good.

Just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your constructive criticism. Kippy

A compelling story very well told. Thank you.

I have given your work a high mark, It is a story and not simply a sex piece which is what I prefer. Drugs are like the limerick:

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker!

Constructive criticism is you have an obvious crutch word in your use of "that." It shows up to often as a transition and it is not needed. Any word program allows a writer to [find] and when you do the number of times that is used becomes a beacon. Most can be deleted with no change to your information. Half of what will remain can be re-worded to actually improve the story.

Thanks for sharing.

Swapping, infidelity, voyeurs, all just cuck and whore trash.

You're story seems to reveal a lot of anger against women. After about page 5 it was all about the abuse of the wife and husbands humiliation. The finale to the story was just an amplification of her debasement. It ended abruptly there. The lack of a sequel about their life afterwards is telling. Their relationship was not the purpose of the story.

I skipped to the last page then didn't even bother. Hard pass.

thank you for the warnings at the start. wish other writers had a big brain

Thank you, Evelyn Woods. I learned well. This story was like a nuclear-mutated cockroach that just wouldn't die. 2/5.

enjoyed it, fun story.

What's way on past 'awful'? This story passed 'awful' somewhere page 5.

A well written erotic thriller that leaves the reader hanging. Not for those who like neat and tidy ending but a boon for the few whose imagination continues to unravel once the writer has put down his pen. Impressive and disturbing.

LA

Sloppy plotting by an author who got way too caught up in presenting the degradation of a woman. I lost count of just how many loose ends there were that were simply never even addressed. Furthermore, even the degradation scenes became gratuitous - they are not at all an adequate substitute for an actual plot. The so-called story just sort of wobbled to a non-ending when the author got all the degradation out of his system and he lost interest in actually writing the remainder of the story. All these serious flaws earned him 1*.

what a for shit story. 1*

What a waste of time. It sucked.

I like it a lot!!! I don't understand the complaints, in the comments of others....... it's pure fiction which for me is great and so is the Marisa saga, I hope you continue with it!!!

What incredibly vile characters this author serves up.

Trash neighbors move in and the MC decides he is going to interact with them.

There is nothing even remotely erotic about gutter trash rutting

Intense and disturbing erotica.

I stopped half way through this pathetic story. Weak MC, poor character development to the point that Tony went from 0 to 100 in sex with MC wife. Yah. That happens every day.

I saw the finish line 2 pages in, way too predictable. Page 4 I couldn't stomach anymore. Wasted my time on this story.