There Goes the Neighnorhood

The next morning bright and early, I awoke to the sounds of hammering. I looked out the window and saw Jay on a ladder putting up Christmas decorations. Aubrey was directing him from the ground below. As I watched he struggled to haul a big lighted inflatable Santa up onto his roof.

As I left the house to start my run, I waved at Aubrey. She blew me a kiss. Jay smiled and waved at me.

"Are you going to run with me?" I asked. Iris came out onto our porch. She looked like hell.

"Barry, I can't," Aubrey said. "Last night was the most wonderful night of my life. It was truly magical, but I have to think about this seriously. I'm getting back with my husband."

"Well, I hope you're happy," I smiled.

As I took off for my run I saw Bart and Kristy heading over to Jay's place. They even had the kids with them. Wally and Deb were on their way too. Deb waved at me as I jogged past. Wally did too. I waved and said, "Hi," to Deb and ignored Wally.

As I got to the corner, I stopped running. I snuck into Wally's garage and got a bucket of the chemicals that Aubrey had ordered off of the Internet. With Deb's help, she'd ordered the chemical accelerants using Wally's credit card. We'd also stashed some of the chemicals in the trunk of Wally's car. I quickly coated the deck around Wally's barbecue pit with the chemicals. I also coated the awning that was near the deck and the side of Wally's house. The chemicals supposedly only took about a half hour to dry completely. Aubrey needed to keep them busy for almost that long.

When I went back home from my run Aubrey and Jay were sitting on their porch talking.

"Aubrey and I have worked things out buddy," said Jay.

"Whoop dee fucking doo," I said.

I went into the house and took a shower. As I dressed Iris came into my room.

"Jay and Aubrey made up," she said. "Everyone is talking about it. She even promised to let him fuck her if he does everything she tells him to do today."

"Good for them," I snapped.

"Barry, if she can forgive him and give him another chance, why can't we try again too?" she asked. "I promise it won't ever happen again."

I just looked at her and laughed. "Iris, you promised me that a few weeks ago and you still gave Barry that blow job yesterday. I don't believe a word out of your mouth. I see us headed for the divorce, but I promise to be as fair as you deserve."

As I finished dressing, Iris watched me nervously. I think she thought I was leaving her then.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I have to go to work for a little while," I said. "There's a problem with one of our trucks."

She turned and walked away. As I left the house, I saw her walking towards Jay.

"Get away from me Iris," he snapped at her. "It's over."

Aubrey came out of the house and she and Jay sat on their porch. She didn't even look at me. She got into Jay's truck with him and they drove away at about the same time that I left. I drove across town and picked up one of our mobile generator trucks. Those trucks were normal Ford F150s but they had very powerful commercial generators mounted in the back. A friend of mine was watching the warehouse today. I'd told him that I needed the generator to power an outdoor Christmas show. No paperwork and no records, that way neither of us got in trouble. I owed him a favor though.

While I was out, I contacted my partner to let him know that I'd be ready to start our new business deal very soon. Mr. Reynolds' lawyer had gotten back to me a few weeks ago and arranged a meeting between us. He'd loved my idea and wanted to go through with it, IF I could deliver the properties.

When I got back to the house, I parked the generator truck behind my house where no one would see it. I hopped the fence and went to Jay's backyard. Aubrey had left the back door open and I went inside the house. I went upstairs and out onto their back balcony. I climbed up onto their roof where I disconnected one of the bulbs on the giant Santa.

That one bulb meant that poor Santa wouldn't light up. I attached two heavy cables to Santa and sprinkled water all around him. I made sure that the wires attached to Santa were also stripped bare in several places. Then I climbed back down and onto the balcony. From there it was back through the house back into my own yard. I dragged the cables down with me and connected them to the generator.

A short time later, I heard Jay's truck pull into their driveway. He and Aubrey were arguing. He'd wanted to take her out in his Camaro but she'd made him drive the truck. He was complaining that she was still being a bitch and ordering him around.

"You're lucky I'm even thinking about taking you back," she screamed. "So don't start whining about your God damned car. I should have made you give the fucking thing to Barry, but I knew he wouldn't want it. And if you're even thinking about getting between my legs tonight, you'd better make sure my decorations are the best on the block."

"They're the only ones on the block," snapped Jay. "So that makes them the best until someone else puts theirs up. Why are you being such a bitch? You never talked to Barry that way."

"Because I love Barry," she said. "I'm just married to you."

I think I was more shocked than Jay was. He was pissed. But I was floored. He turned away from her angrily.

"I'm going out to check your fucking lights," he snarled.

For the first time, I noticed how small our little neighborhood really was. Everyone had heard the argument and came out to see what it was about.

I quickly ran out the back of my house and started the generator. I came back inside and sat down at my kitchen table.

"Aubrey is pissed," said Iris from behind me. "I spoke to her earlier. You didn't have sex with her last night. She really wanted to, but she said you turned her down."

"Do you have a point, Iris?" I asked coldly.

"You're really pissed at me but you turned her down because deep down inside you still love me," she said. "Even after all the mistakes I've made you still love me. There's hope for us yet."

"No Iris," I said evenly. "I'm just not a slut. I have no intention of messing up my divorce by sleeping with another woman before I've filed."

She walked outside. I heard Jay complaining about stupid decorations through the door.

I went out and sat on the porch awaiting the inevitable. Bart waved at me from across the street. I pretended not to notice. I paid no attention as Jay climbed his rickety ladder while Aubrey yelled at him from below. Debbie and Kristy stood with her.

Jay got to the roof and stood next to Santa. He grabbed Santa, touching one of the bared wires and suddenly started jerking uncontrollably on the edge of the roof. Sparks shot from the wires and Jay tumbled backwards off of the roof. He didn't even scream. He hit and bounced off of the ladder on his way down, knocking it to one side. He landed awkwardly in a heap right in front of Aubrey, Kristy and Debbie. All three women started screaming immediately.

Bart ran over to Jay. "Barry, call 911," he yelled at me. I nodded and ran into the house. I ran outside through the back and disconnected the cables from the generator. Then I used my cell phone to call 911.

Jay still hadn't regained consciousness. As the ambulance arrived, I left the house and drove the truck back to the warehouse.

Well, I thought. This just wasn't going according to plan. Jay was not supposed to have fallen off of the roof. He was only supposed to have torn up the decorations so Aubrey could get angry at him.

I was sure that Aubrey would be very angry. Oh well, this part of the plan had been hers. She really hated Jay. The only person I could think of, who hated that bastard as much, was me. But I'd only wanted to make him default on his mortgage and lose his house.

A few hours later, Aubrey returned from the hospital. She came right over to see me. "Jay has serious electrical burns and broke his back," she said. "Not exactly the way we planned it. But I'll take it."

"One down and three to go," she smiled. I decided then and there not to ever get that woman pissed at me. There was, however, something I needed to know.

"Aubrey, can I ask you something?" I said quietly. She smiled and nodded.

"I already know what this is about," she said. "I almost blew it earlier today didn't I?"

I looked at her. "Barry, you found out only a few weeks ago about Iris cheating on you. I've had a lot longer. For a long time now I've been alone even though I was surrounded by people. Then a few weeks ago, you became my friend. You're the best guy I know. You're exactly like I always hoped that Jay would be. So yes, I'm sorry it slipped out when it did and almost fucked up our plan. But I'm not a very secretive or sneaky person. When I feel something, it comes out and I meant what I said. I also don't care who heard me or who knows it. So you need to get used to hearing it. I love you."

Things in the neighborhood had become interesting. Iris had begun drinking and was eating far more than she should. Wally was still walking around on eggshells. Deb was still pretending that she didn't know what was going on. She was ready to divorce Wally and had moved a lot of her things out of their house already on the sly. She needed to be ready for our plan when it happened.

We all got together to talk about Jay's accident. Deb suggested that we have a barbecue to discuss how we could help Jay and Aubrey. This was a normal thing for us because Wally loved to barbecue. He had the biggest and most expensive grill setup in the neighborhood.

I told them that I didn't give a half a damn about helping Jay but I'd be glad to help Aubrey. "I'll bet," sneered Iris, angrily.

So the very next day Deb and Wally hosted, Bart and Kristy, Iris and I and Aubrey who came from the hospital, where she'd been visiting Jay.

Wally declared the barbecue officially open and lit the grill. Within seconds the flames had leaped out of control from the grill to the awning above it and onto the house. Wally ran to get the water hose but nothing came from it since Deb had turned the water off at the valve inside the house.

Bart called the fire department, but by the time they got there the entire house was in flames.

The fire fighters fought valiantly but the house was lost. A few days later the police came and arrested Wally on suspicion of arson. Debbie filed for divorce while Wally was in jail. I really think that Wally believed that Deb had framed him for fucking Iris.

The insurance company did pay her part of the value of their home since she had no part in the arson.

Wally, of course, claimed that he'd been set up. But the police had too much evidence against him. He finally pleaded no contest and was sentenced to 3 to 5 years. If he'd gone to trial it would have been twice as long.

A wealthy real estate developer, Ryan Reynolds bought the lot. He arranged to have the skeleton of Wally's house torn down. Somehow though, the demolition crew tore down the wrong house. When Bart and Kristy and their kids arrived home, their house had been razed. The crew was beginning to load the debris into several large dump trucks as Bart pulled up. He was livid.

Aubrey allowed them to stay with her for a few days while they figured out what to do. They had the worst luck. Wally had been their accountant. Somehow their insurance policy had lapsed while they were in the process of securing new insurance.

Ryan Reynolds came to the rescue again. He agreed to pay Bart and Kristy the appraised value of their property. Unfortunately, the real estate market was down so they didn't get anywhere near what they had invested in the property.

Every day when Aubrey came home from the hospital, she told me that Jay wanted to see me. Finally, about three weeks after the accident I agreed to go. He looked like hell. He'd lost a lot of weight and he could barely move his arms.

"Hey, buddy," he said. "Thanks for coming." He looked at Aubrey. "Sweetie, could you give us a moment?"

"I told you not to call me anything other than my name Jay," she said. She was smiling as she said it. She smiled the way that only someone who truly hates you, can smile at you, when you're down.

"My name is Aubrey. Don't call me anything else." She smiled at me as she closed the door.

"She's going to leave me for sure," said Jay sadly.

"It's your own God damned fault, Jay," I snapped. "What do you want?"

"Well everyone else in the neighborhood has been to see me except for you," he began. "I really missed you and I kind of need a favor. It's times like these when you find out who you can really count on."

I just looked at him and started tapping my foot.

"Barry, I've uhm, run into a problem," he began. "I've been getting a little behind with my mortgage payments..."

"Damn Jay, you get around," I smirked. "I knew you were getting Iris' big behind in my fucking living room, but you're doing someone else's wife too?" He sighed and tried to continue.

"Yesterday we got a notice that the bank wants to foreclose. I need to either come up with the full amount or I'm out on my ass."

"Why don't you sell your Camaro?" I asked.

"It's leased," he said sadly. "They already came and took it back when I missed my last payment."

I looked at him and laughed. Then suddenly I noticed that there was no movement from his legs at all. "Jay, what's wrong with your legs?" I asked.

"Barry, when I broke my back, I lost the use of my legs. The strength in my arms and my control over them is getting better, but they say that I'll never walk again. I have no feeling below the waist. About the best I'll be able to hope for is that I'll be able to sit up on my own. I'll probably be in a wheel chair. I'm going to be on permanent full disability when I'm released from the hospital. But that still won't save my house. It won't save my marriage either."

"I'll try to work something out for you," I said. I felt like shit. I'd wanted revenge for what had happened to destroy my marriage, but how much was enough? I'd burned down Wally's house, he was in jail. The thing that Wally regretted the most wasn't being in jail and losing his career. It wasn't losing his house and having a criminal record. It was losing Deb.

Bart and Kristy's marriage was so fucked up already, that they regularly fucked other people. They'd still lost their house and from what I heard the place they were hoping to move into, whenever they got the money, wasn't nearly as nice.

According to Iris they weren't currently doing too well. She was sure that there was a divorce in their future as well.

My best friend, Jay, had lost the use of his fucking legs and would soon be homeless. Aubrey and I had let our rage and hurt turn us into monsters. And the worst thing about it was the fact that the person I should have felt the most anger towards, hadn't yet been punished. Iris was the person who had truly betrayed me and thus far she was walking free. She was the one who'd sworn to be faithful to me, but nothing had happened to her.

The problem was that as I looked at Jay, all of my anger was simply gone. I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore. I just wanted to move on with my life and find some peace.

I had no idea of how to handle my new feelings as I left Jay's hospital room. Before I'd gotten more than two steps past the door, Aubrey was beside me.

"What's wrong, Honey?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Barry, I can feel it when you're upset," she said earnestly. "Right now, you're really suffering."

"What about Jay's suffering?" I asked.

"Jay who?" she asked. She smiled as she said it. I was about to say something but she smiled and let me know that she got it.

"Maybe and I'm just saying MAYBE, we went a tad overboard in our revenge on Jay," she said. "But it's really hard to feel any sympathy for a man who fills your head with lie after lie. He took my virginity, took me away from my family and made a lot of promises but didn't live up to any of them." Her face was really sad.

"Maybe I went overboard but you don't know what it's like to have someone complain about everything you do. He never cared that I wasn't happy. All I ever heard was, "You're not sucking it right."

"We were already unhappy before it happened. Barry, I used to watch the way you treated Iris. You treated her like she was the most important thing in the world. And whether you know it or not she took advantage of you. She always told the other women how you did whatever she said. You were more like her God damned butler than her husband."

I thought about it and realized that maybe she was right.

"So, I already didn't like the bitch and I had begun to resent Jay. So, when I saw them together, it just turned to hatred. There were times when I lay awake in bed dreaming about torturing them."

"And now we're so close to hurting them the way they hurt us," she said. "Just think. The two of them would be homeless and destitute. Her too fucking lazy to work and him, disabled. I personally don't call it too much. I'm not sure it's enough."

I looked at her and saw the fury in her face.

"Fuck them," she spat. "Fuck both of them"

"Aubrey, what happens then?" I asked. She looked at me in surprise.

"Then we..." she began.

"What?" I asked again. "What do we do, Honey?"

She looked at me and for a second I saw uncertainty in her eyes. Apparently she hadn't thought past the revenge part.

"So I guess we'll find some other way to make them even more miserable," I said. "Or maybe we'll find other people who've hurt us during our lives and fuck them over too. My third grade teacher was a bitch. So what if I couldn't spell "Mississippi." And who cares if I didn't know where to put the fucking commas. If that bitch is still alive we're going after her. We'll go down to the old folk's home and kick the shit out of her checkerboard. We won't pick the pieces up either."

Aubrey was smiling as she watched me. "Is that what we're going to do for the rest of our lives?" I asked.

"What do you have in mind?" she asked. I grabbed her and pulled her to me. I gave her a kiss and put every bit of energy I had into it. It made the kiss after our date, the one that had reduced us to quivering Jell-O, seem like nothing.

"Would you rather spend the rest of our lives fucking other people over or fucking each other?" I asked. "Forget about them. Let's put the past behind us and move on. We'll just take care of the loose ends and go on with our lives. Fuck them. We're better off without them. We have each other and I promise you that we'll be happy. We won Aubrey. The game is over and we won."

"I don't really care what we do," she said. "As long as it's "WE" doing it, I'm happy. So let's take care of those loose ends so "WE" can start doing it."

We went home then. Aubrey still had no qualms about leaving Jay in the hospital alone. I called Ryan and explained the situation to him. Though it wasn't a part of our original deal, we stood to make a lot of money on this venture if we could pull it off. Getting Jay's property would mean that we were home free.

He told me that if what I wanted to do would gain us the property, he was good with it. He also invited me to come to his office to see the preliminary drawings.

While Aubrey went to check on her house guests, I went to see Iris. I told her that it was time for us to talk. She really didn't look well. All of the stress and emotional upheavals that we'd been going through had taken their toll on her.

"Iris, I've always thought that you were one of the most beautiful women I know," I said. "And you're also one of the most intelligent."

She smiled as she looked across the table. I wanted to do this as gently as I could. The things I wanted to tell her were mostly true. I wanted to massage her ego a bit to soften the blow.