There Must Be A Mistake Ch. 21

"How do you feel Even? Is it all smoke and mirrors, or are you actually feeling as good as you look?"

"I am well on my way back my friend. The doctor said that in 4 to 6 weeks I could begin working on a limited schedule again. He dictated the limited schedule too Jennifer. When she announces that we are going home, I stop what I'm doing and go home. If I don't do it, I can't go to back to work for the next week. It's not fair for a woman to have that much power over a man. It's just not fair."

Delicious said, "Rod has anyone introduced you to Zoey, Gordon's fiancé?"

Rod turned to look at Zoie, and as he opened his mouth to say hello it, his face, his ears, and his hair were filled with rich chocolate cake.

If this was not enough, Rosalynn was beating the shit out of him for touching her cake after he was warned. With one hand holding his head into the assortment of flavors, and the other hand pounding on his back, she listed his crimes: the hours it took her to make this special cake for Gordon's sixteenth birthday, each special ingredient, including the dark Austrian chocolate which she had to order through Atlanta, and the pure vanilla that came from Dallas.

Rod's arms were flailing. Finally, someone understood what he was saying and pulled Rosalynn off him.

She screamed, "Why did you do that, I wasn't finished with him yet?"

"He couldn't breathe Roz."

"So what, he would've never touched one of my cakes again. Now I have to make another one, and it won't be half as good."

I said, "I'll send someone to the store Roz. We'll get one from there."

"Over your dead body Even. If someone will take me into town, I'll see what I can come up with."

Rod was pulling cake from everywhere, when he focused on his wife.

"It's not your cake. It was a joke, I just wanted to see what you would do if I continued licking the chocolate. Your cake is in the trunk of the car."

She screamed and ran after him, as he ran out of the house towards his car to show her the cake was really there.

******************

As they drove into the drugstore parking lot his mother asked, "What do you want to get in here?"

"Zoey went shopping here for some personal items. She told me she found something she liked but wouldn't buy for herself. In one of our conversations, she let slip what it was, and I never mentioned it to her. I believe she thinks I forgot about it. I'm going to surprise her with it tonight. I hope she's happy."

"Gordon, any man that remembers something a woman says in passing, and surprises her with it on a special day, or occasion always means more to her than a perfunctory gift like on her birthday or anniversary. If you bring her home flowers on a Tuesday, just because you want to, it shows her how much you love her. Whatever you bring her home today, she will love it very deeply and more passionately than you can imagine."

"That's what I'm hoping for mom, we had that fight yesterday, and I want to prove to her just how long and deep my love for her can go. I just need your help to make sure I pick out the right one."

"I'll make sure it's a perfect fit for both of you Gordon. I want your love for each other to be as perfect as mine is with your father."

"I know why that is mom, you're both very flexible. You bend with each other's needs. Zoey and I have a lot to learn in that area. That's what our argument was really about was yesterday. We were so stiff and rigid, she helped me blow off steam, and I guess I helped her blow her top off also. When we were finished, I guess we both felt better."

"What was the argument about?"

"It was about the wedding, but I don't want to go through that again now. Can we just go shopping, it shouldn't take long."

"You can't rush when you're buying a gift for the one you love. Everything has a pro and con. You must take your time and consider your options."

"That's why I'm glad I had the courage to ask you to join me. I needed all the help I can get, and I knew you were the best."

"Thank you Gordon that was such a sweet thing to say."

"Dad would kill me if he heard me say it."

"I promise I won't tell him."

As they entered the store, every agent took out their cell phone and readied them to take pictures. Two agents had video cameras at the ready.

The clerk at the register looked frightened as all these men and women dressed in black walked into the store. Monty walked over to her and showed her credentials.

"Ma'am, we're here to protect two people, while they shop. If anyone walks into the store while they are here, we will take them down before they get to your register. This store is better protected than a bank at this moment. You will hear some screaming and shouting between the mother and her son very soon. You have nothing to worry about; it is all part of the process of a young man growing into adulthood, and the mother trying to keep him as a child. If you have children you understand what I mean."

**************

Almost immediately, the screaming started. "CONDOMS, you brought me here so I could buy you CONDOMS! You said it was a present for Zoey!"

"What better gift could I buy for the woman I love to keep her safe from becoming pregnant? I'm following your instructions mom. It's what we talked about; remember?"

"You are not getting away with it this time young man. Your father's logic is not flawless, and neither is yours. I'm going to beat the crap out of you right here in the store."

"Mom, you're not fast enough."

Like the bulls in Pamplona, Jennifer ran down the aisle, after her son. She didn't take notice of the agents taking pictures of her, as Gordon led her on a merry chase, up and down the aisles of the CVS pharmacy.

Monty hopped up on the front counter, and watched as they circled the isles.

On one circuit, Gordon turned quickly at the halfway point, and watched his mother run by. He took up the chase behind her.

She turned the corner and looked down to the next aisle. He wasn't there.

"Shit, now where did he go?"

Gordon said, "I don't know mom, but he is fast." He swatted her on her butt and took off running towards the pharmacy section.

She screamed, "I'm going to tell your father you hit me."

"I asked his permission, and he told me I could spank you once."

"Why couldn't I have at least had one girl in this family? I'm always outnumbered."

"You could have had all girls mom. Men are always smarter than women."

"GOSL get over here this minute."

Gordon stopped in his tracks. She hadn't called him that since he was six years old, and it brought back so many wonderful memories. He turned and walked straight into her arms.

"Yes mommy?"

"GOSL, what am I going to do with you?"

"Watch me as I make a mistake after mistake with Zoie, as we make a life for each other that will be wonderful?"

"What makes you so sure, you're only fifteen?"

"Mom in a few hours I'm going to be sixteen years old. Let's forget about me for a moment. What told you that dad was right for you, after all the years you were alone. You were rich, and about to get much richer. You didn't need a man in your life telling you what to do. You had terrible experiences growing up. You knew Doctor Luck for eight hours on an airplane, much of which you spent on his lap. You already knew he was the one, didn't you? When we got to our home in, in Fairbanks, and you heard he was in an airplane accident and presumed dead, you didn't cry for a stranger, you cried for a lost love. You cried for a man who was going to be your husband, and you hadn't been alone with him yet. How did you know?

"You are a pain in the ass GOSL. Why can't you ask easy questions? I knew. I just knew when you asked him how much money he made. I knew when he answered everyone's questions. I knew I wanted him, and more amazing, he wanted me. He never asked me a question about my background, about money, or about you. He asked me if I was single. I said yes. He said, "When we get back to Denver let's get married." I said, "Okay."

Then that night at Wendy's he made it official. He gave me the piece of coal that was put under intense pressure for a few million years, and came out shiny."

"Have you answered my question for me mom? Have you answered why I know Zoie is the one for me? I never met a girl my age and you believe I jumped at the first beautiful woman I saw. It's the furthest thing from the truth. The Schneider's know it's not a lark, because it happened to them. They wanted to kill dad for telling them to put her on birth control pills. They changed her from an uncontrollable hellion into a wonderful young lady. That's why they brought her here. They wanted to say thank you for giving them their daughter back. Unfortunately, for everyone involved, except Zoie and me, I opened the door. It was magic, kismet, love at first sight, you name it mom it was us."

"I believe you Gordon, so does your father. If you are sure, we will back you 100 percent."

"Mom, do you think we can do what we came here to do now? If not, I can always ask Gray to do it with me another time."

"No, let's just get this over with. Once you know what you need, you won't need an escort again."

As they looked over the display, Jennifer said, "I am just going to show you the ordinary ones. I am not going to go over the others that glow-in-the-dark, the candy flavored, or the designed. Those you can buy by yourself. All I'm going to discuss and buy for you now, are those designed to fit you properly. I am going to hate this part. I'd rather be in the desert without water for a year, then know what I'm about to ask you.

"Why mom, you know everything about me."

"It's been a long time, since the last time I saw this part of you."

After taking a deep calming breath, she said to her son, "Gordon do you know the length and girth of your penis?"

"Yes mom, Zoie measured it for me. The measurements are almost exactly the same."

"That's nice dear. Would you please whisper the numbers into my ear even though I don't want to know them. I will try to forget as soon as I show you the size of the condom to buy."

"Thanks mom, that's really kind of you."

"Softly, whisper the number to me."

Gordon leaned over to his mother, placed his mouth next to her ear, and...

"8 3/16" LONG," she screamed.

"Mom keep it down; you are broadcasting it all over the store."

"Is it that big around also?"

"No it's 8 5/16 around."

"8 5/16 AROUND; you're going to kill that girl."

"Thanks mom, you made me feel much better." He started walking towards the exit, and as always, Monty was blocking his way.

"Going somewhere?"

"If you didn't hear my mother, I suggest you get your hearing checked."

"Gordon, it was a mother's reaction, not a rational reaction. Go back there now and ask her about the size of your father's weapon. That's how she refers to it all the time."

"Monty, it's not the polite thing to do to your parents."

"Was your mother's reaction to your measurements proper Gordon?"

"No it wasn't."

Jennifer was sitting on the floor, with her hands in her hair, shaking her head back and forth.

"Having a bad day lady?"

"It's one of the worst ones I've had in a long time. I just insulted my son, and he didn't deserve it. I said things that were out of line, and they're not true. He's not going to talk to me for the rest of my life, because his mother is an idiot."

"We have to get a few things out of the way before we can discuss other matters. My security chief asked me how long my father's penis is, because she says, you constantly refer to it as his weapon. She did not request the girth of this object so I will not ask for it. If you do not wish to give it to me you can call her."

"No, fair is fair. Your father is 14 ½ inches long, and nearly 10 inches wide. I've had two children with him, and I'm still not able to accommodate all of him."

"I don't see how any woman could. As far as today being the worst day of your life, only you can be the judge of that.

As far as insulting me, and my deserving it or not, I love you too much to worry about it.

As far as not talking to you for the rest of my life, I think that's a moot point. I am talking to you, and if I couldn't talk with you, I would be the loser, because I would miss our conversations so very much.

Are we okay now?"

Jennifer stood up with tears in her eyes. She handed Gordon a package of 100 premium-lubricated condoms, and a package of three of the same brand.

Gordon looked confused. He looked at her and was about to ask a question when he was preempted.

"Your father will explain why."

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yes I think so, but I dropped something on the floor, but I can't find it."

"Where mom, let me take a look."

"Right over there somewhere."

Gordon bent down to look for the object, when Jennifer kicked his ass, and sent him sprawling flat on his face.

She was laughing as she was running down the aisle away from him. "Now we are okay."

Gordon ran after his mother, forgetting all about the packages he was carrying through the front door, until the alarm went off. He walked sheepishly back into the store and apologized.

Monty hopped off the counter and asked, "Why were you chasing her? Don't you know where she lives?"

"Have you seen my mom happier since before my dad got sick? That's the reason I was chasing her Monty. It made her feel like I was her child again"

*******************

During the party, I got very tired and had to return to my room. Hannah followed me, and so did Gordon. I took my medication, and after Hannah left the room, Gordon closed my door and locked it.

"Did you spank your mother? "

"Yes I did, but she got even with me. She told me she lost something on the floor, and while I was bent down, looking for it, she kicked me and I went flying on the floor. She was so happy with herself she laughed all the way to the car and locked it behind her. I knew what she was up to, but I let her do it because she hasn't laughed since you've been ill. I think tonight did her a great deal of good. She even called me GOSL for the first time in almost 10 years. I reacted to her, as I would have, as if I were a six-year-old.

I answered her saying, "Yes mommy."

She's afraid I made this decision too soon, and I had to prove to her that I was just like her, when she fell in love with you. I believe it helped bring everything into perspective for her."

"You are a wonderful son Gordon, and not only to your mother, but to me also. I couldn't ask for anyone better if you were my own blood. Now, shall we get down to the reason you re in my room tonight?"

"We might as well get this over with. I can't think of anything more embarrassing."

"Why, handing me a banana is embarrassing?"

"I don't have to take out..."

"Open the top drawer of my night table please."

"Is this your food stash draw?"

"I couldn't survive on what they feed me. Would you take out 2 Bananas please."

"What do we do now dad?"

"You are a very bright boy, when did you guess?"

"We put the condoms on them?"

*************

Twenty minutes later, he left my room with a smile on his face. He made a quick stop in his room, and put the condoms with her toys. Then he went to find his birthday present.

She brightened up when she saw him looking for her.

She got up from her seat to kiss him. He sat down on it, and pulled her onto his lap. He started kissing her shoulder, and worked up towards her ear, until Delicious yelled, "You two get a room."

"What a wonderful idea; come with me Zoie."

Jennifer yelled, "Young man sit down and don't move."

"Mom, that's not fair. I was only doing what my sister told me to do."

"GOSL if you get out of that chair I'll break both your legs. Delicious if you come up with another bright idea like that, I'll put a muzzle on you."

Gray said, "PLEASE!"

Delicious stared at him, and Gray did not utter another word.

Zoie asked, "What is a GOSL?"

"It was a nickname I had when I was very young. When we were in Alaska, I said I would rather be a GOSL than a goose. You can shoot a goose, but you can't shoot a GOSL. Gordon Oliver Stars Luck."

"How old were you when you did that?"

"I was three years old."

"I'm never been to Alaska."

"I never went to South Carolina until last week."

"Yes, that was exciting was in it."

"Let's drive my mom crazy. Let's slip into the laundry room."

While everyone was involved in their own conversations, Gordon and Zoey slipped down to the floor, under louvered doors and into the laundry room. He lifted her up onto the washing machine, and he hopped up onto the dryer. If anyone opened the doors without turning on the lights, they wouldn't be seen.

When the coffee was ready and the cake was on the table, Jennifer returned to the kitchen.

She said, "It's time to cut the cake Gordon." She stared at the empty seat, and screamed,

"I'm going to kill them. Find them, tear the house apart, but find them."

Most of the guests laughed at Jennifer's reaction to the missing children. Delicious and Gray tried to calm her down telling her it was his birthday, and he should celebrated anyway he wished. Rod and Rosalynn told her they would help as long as there was no bloodshed.

Gordon heard his mother's plans about checking the basement herself. They left laundry room and walked up to Delicious. Putting a finger over her mouth he said, "It's time to cut the cake."

"Mom will kill us all."

Gordon locked the door to the basement.

"Not if she can't get out of there."

"Brother, you are becoming as evil as I was."

"How old were you when you join the family?"

"I was... holy shit, I was sixteen."

"You were sixteen, Zoie is sixteen, and I am going to be sixteen after midnight. I think we are going to have a wonderful time. Now let's cut the cake."

Everyone applauded when Gordon, Zoey, and the entourage walked into the room.

Delicious said, "In honor of the sixteenth anniversary of the day of my brother's birth, I ask you to join with me in singing a rousing version of the birthday song."

Jennifer was in the basement moving mats and boxes anywhere the kids could be hiding. She heard her guests singing, which meant her son had done it to her again. It wasn't midnight; he would never make it to sixteen. She would kill him with her bare hands. He was just too smart for her. He was too smart for most of them. How had he come out of her, and that asshole of a sperm donor. Thank God for Even, he had given him every opportunity to grow. Did he ever grow! I couldn't happier for, and prouder of him.

She walked up the steps and reached for the handle to get out of the basement, only to find it locked. Jen was about to scream in defeat again, when she remembered. On the second riser from the top was the emergency key. She unlocked the door, put the key back, and went to join our guests.

Gordon saw his mother and put Zoie behind him. "I see you remembered the key."

"When we you going to let me out?"

"I was waiting for you to start banging, but it never started. Would you like some cake, it is delicious. Besides that we have bad news for you."

"How much more bad news can one person take in one evening."

"This is really bad, really, really bad news. Delicious and dad got together when she was sixteen. Zoey is sixteen, at midnight I am sixteen. Do you want to run away now, or do you want to stick around and see what havoc occurs?"

"Have you told your father any of this yet?"

"No, I thought I should tell you first to see how you would react."