All Comments on 'They Had Both Been Betrayed'

Having a wife that has been there...done that (left side), you got it right! Great story and well written too....thank you.

John P

If an author's purpose is to evoke emotion in the reader, you suceeded. It was getting tough to read the story through the cascading water. I cannot imagine the horror of being abandoned by a spouse in that hour of desperate emotional and physical need. To me, reconstructive surgery is bodily destruction for the sake of vanity. My wife is a cancer survivor. Fortunately, only a biopsy type of surgery was necessary. Thank you for writing. Phil

and other such physical imperfections is appalling. Any man who sees his wife as a mere sexual object and who would expect her to sacrifice her survival to keep her flawless appearance intact doesn't even deserve to be married.

about this couple --- and how they had both been hurt and yet were somehow destined to be together, etc., the *thinking* [in the head] as well as the over dialogues the author had these two do sounded like they're 14 year olds. <p>

E.g.: """ When he picked her up the next day, she was absolutely devastating in a blue jersey and white shorts. "My God," he thought. "She is just incredible. Just incredible!" How in the world would he ever be able to keep his eyes on the game? """ <p>

Some so-called constructive criticism: <p>

Now, if the story HAD been one about 2 fourteen year olds, then, no I won't mind. But no one --- especially someone who's been hurt terribly by another woman whom HE HAD THOUGHT THE SAME THOUGHTS ABOUT --- thinks like that! It's almost impossible. <p>

Put some hesitation to those thoughts, those thinking, dear excited author. As you write more, you'd learn that tempering your characters' thoughts with maturity, with restraints, and with reflection --- as opposed to thinking, saying, and screaming the first things/images come to their head/mouth --- makes them more of whatever you're looking for FOR THEM... <p>

Otherwise, you make them unreal and unrealistic, fools and comedians, and smart-alec idiots. Saying, like some smart alec readers/writers do, that "For crying outloud, this is just a story, a fantasy" dont' cut it. We already know it IS a fantasy only, so reminding us that it i so does not impress us. What we, the readers, want in stories is for you, the author, to be able to suspend our disbelief (our belief that it is only a fantasy), enabling us to take your creation of characters to be *real* characters.... <p>

When you're able to do that, NO MATTER HOW IMPLAUSIBLE a story is (like all science fiction), intellectually, we can stand back, breathe deeply and say, "Wow, that's a trip!"

This lady's ex is a real jerk, (through sickness and health) is how it's supposed to be, not (until I find you repulsive). I was glad that both characters found each other. Very nice story. Thanks.

Loved your story!!

Very cool how they both found each other

I sort of liked this story. I liked the characters and the scene and the sex was hot. I did not like the dialoge between the two characters - it was forced and cheesy and ruined the mood of the story.

I did not enjoy this story because it worried me that wrong information was being disseminated. Women who have undergone a modified radical mastectomy can CHOOSE to have breast reconstruction - there are different procedures to decide from as well as the time to do so (reconstruction during breast removal or after the cancer surgery and treatment). Even women who have a complete radical mastectomy instead of a modified mastectomy can have breast reconstruction. This is a very personal decision for each woman- should she have breast reconstruction or not.

To quote:

Simple mastectomy , removing the entire breast without lymph node dissection, is done when a patient's sentinel nodes are negative but she isn't a candidate for breast conservation because of a large tumor, tumor in two or more sites, or inability to get negative margins with lumpectomy. Some candidates for breast-conserving therapy choose mastectomy for more peace of mind. A woman who wants breast reconstruction can generally have it immediately after simple mastectomy.

A modified radical mastectomy removes the breast and axillary lymph nodes—usually 20 to 30 of them. Most women who undergo this procedure also can have breast reconstruction immediately afterward.

Recount the facts about reconstruction

A patient who's scheduled for a mastectomy needs to plan treatment with her oncologist before considering breast reconstruction because reconstruction and certain therapies can conflict with each other. For example, identifying sentinel nodes after reconstruction is difficult. Radiation therapy to a breast with an implant has a high incidence of complications because radiation increases the risk of scar tissue around the implant. A breast that's immediately reconstructed with the patient's own tissue, however, is often better able to tolerate radiation.

Please forgive me for clarifying this issue, but as a woman and a breast cancer survivor I felt it was important.

on the author's part is betrayed by less than grabbing writing. The first few paragraphs in particular just didn't draw me in. There's also a hint of sentimentalism here that's troubling.

Whatever they said, some of it is right. But the erotica was slightly above average. Good erotica is apparently hard to write, and it's usually not obscene. This wasn't obscene, but missed the mark of approval from me, and it matters. This was an erotic coupling. If it was filled out to five pages, it could be a romance. This is sort of a metastory.

But, all I got from the description was a scar and lymph nodes. That doesn't seem very scary. What about a terrifying wrinkled mess or something. Uhh, I haven't ever had a mastectomy (I'm not very likely to get breast cancer as a male), nor have I seen pictures (that I recall anyway), and there doesn't seem to be a mastectomy fetish faction of pornography, so I wish that part of the story had more detail. Maybe it's better it didn't, but if you're going there, may as well milk it for all its worth.

Would have been funny if he commented, "So that's why one of your tits bounces differently than the other."

But the fail here is the inadequate erotica and the fantasy fulfillment of life after divorce was weak. I don't sense any other fantasies, except maybe for broken woman finds savior. It was too short...an example of long and good would be some of JimBob44's stories.

Loved the story ...not too much character development ,wish it was longer but face 5 star

s

cute

This dude is long gone from this site so maybe these words will help someone else.

I called this too sugary (diabetes glib remark) but my original impression was that this was juvenile and as sloppy as a virgin trying to finger his first girlfriend. We have a woman who is absolutely terrified of rejection after feeling so horribly betrayed. She removes her blouse and bra and the dude's comment is tantamount to, "yeah your scar is so nasty that I was prepares to lie but look at that other tit, and I just realized I love you"

That the author wrote that believing it was a romantic, sincere and "soul mate" moment is absolutely hilarious. He wrote tit lol. I can't get past that. It's so trash.