Thirteen Years

His eyes held me on my place, it was impossible to look away for even a second to cast a glance at the necklace. I tried to give him a doubting look.

"You don't believe I will actually give it to you?" he said, before I could give form to the words that were inside my head. "You have to trust me a little bit. I thought it was of such importance to you that I am your father." He pronounced the word in a strange way, like something he couldn't quite grasp himself. "You are one of us. I am like you. You have to trust your own kind."

He set the candle on something that was right next to us, a shelf fixed to the wall maybe, or a table, some piece of furniture that I hadn't noticed before. The room had looked empty to me when I first entered it. But his eyes were still fixed on mine. Now with the light not as close to them anymore they looked darker, but they had the same power to them that made it impossible for me to look away from his face for even a second. He then took the necklace in both hands and held it up right between our faces.

"If you don't believe me, I will give it to you right now. Even if you do not trust me, I trust you."

The next moment he was putting the necklace around my neck. His face moved even closer to mine while he did so, I could feel his breath touching me.

***

Slowly the dizzyness that had swept through me subsided a bit. His face was so close to mine. Whose face was this? His breath smelled sweet like something I had never smelled before. His eyes seemed bigger, like a deep green sea I was about to drown in. I felt the metal of a necklace against my skin, it was warm, almost burning hot. Where was I? Why was I here? I wasn't sure of it anymore.

Then I felt his lips on mine, warm, human lips. It was as if I was moving through a dream. All I wanted was to respond to his kiss, to taste his mouth, feel his tongue find its way in between my lips.

'I am doing this for my mother', a voice somewhere inside me said, but I knew this wasn't true. Not anymore. There was also something inside me wondering who my mother was, or what, in fact, a mother was.

I felt myself being moved to the side, and the next moment I sat down somewhere, somewhere soft and comfortable. At the same time, the kiss ended, and I opened my eyes, for the first time looking around. To my surprise I found myself in a room full of furniture. It looked familiar – yet I couldn't remember what this place was. All light in the room came only from one candle that was standing on an old fashioned dresser by the wall, yet it was enough to see everything.

My head still felt strange and my memory blurry. I was't sure how I had gotten to this place, or even what had happened a minute earlier. I did, however, remember the kiss and all my body craved for more. For a second my eyes searched for the man I remembered to have been here as well.

He sat next to me on the bed. I had a vague memory that the fact I was here had something to do with this man next to me. We had talked about something just minutes earlier, but I had forgotten what it was. It had been something important, and I tried to think of it, but my head hurt from the effort. I just couldn't concentrate. All I knew now was that I didn't want to look away from the man next to me, that I wanted to sit here and admire him forever.

He reached up with one hand to touch my face and draw it nearer to his, and then he kissed me again, this time for just a few seconds. I tried to memorize the taste of his tongue, the texture of his lips. There was something about them that made me believe I would never be alone again. Then, as he had broken our kiss and his face was just far away enough from mine so we could see into each others eyes, his hand was still caressing my face.

"You really are even more beautiful than I thought you were going to be," he whispered. "I waited for you for so long. It was you I came back for."

I wasn't sure that I understood his words, somehow I believed we had sat in this room, next to each other, for all of eternity. Had he been gone? Had he been looking for me? I wanted to ask him, but I suddenly realised I was unable to speak. I felt heavy and tired, and at the same time more awake than I had ever been. Any speaking or thinking seemed like an impossible effort. All I wanted was for him to kiss me again, and it was just that he did.

While we kissed, I felt his hand let go of my face, I felt it touching my leg – and only at this moment I realised I wasn't wearing anything but a short and thin silk gown. Somehow I had expected to be wearing jeans and a thick winter jacket, but I didn't know anymore why I had thought so. And when I tried to think about it, it seemed only natural to me that I was dressed the way I was.

His hand felt soft on my leg, it caused a burning inside me I had never experienced before. I wanted him to touch me. I turned toward him as if to open myself more to him. His fingers found their way underneath the gown I was wearing, I felt them wandering further up my leg until they found the place they were looking for. At the same time his kiss grew more intense, almost demanding. He reached around me with his other arm, to pull my body closer to his.

I knew I had never been that close to anybody in my life, and yet I felt like I had been here, with him, in this very situation before.

He now stopped kissing me, to lift up my dress and pull it over my head. The feeling of the silk moving over my body made me shiver a little bit. I opened my eyes, and realised he was not wearing any clothing either – had he not been dressed just moments ago? I felt unable to ponder this question for longer than a few seconds. Somehow I lost myself in the way his dark skin looked in the candle light, then looking up I saw his eyes again.

We were now lying on the bed – I couldn't remember when we had laid down – and I felt his hands that seemed to explore every last bit of me, his tongue and lips that kissed not only my mouth, but also my neck, and my breasts, finding their way further down on my body. I felt his breath on my skin and finally he reached the area of my sex. I felt him kissing the skin around it, felt his tongue exploring everywhere, trying to taste every bit of me.

When I felt his lips touching me at the most sensitive spot I closed my eyes, to just feel, not think, not see anything that could distract me. It was as if my mind had been emptied of all thought except that which was related to what I was feeling. I wanted him to continue forever. I found my body moving almost against my will to be yet closer to his mouth, to let him access me even more easily.

Just when everything, my whole life and being, all I felt, seemed to be drawn into a precipice out of which I never wanted to emerge – just then, he stopped.

I was disappointed and couldn't help uttering a sound that very clearly showed that. But at the same time couldn't wait to see what he would do next. I knew he wouldn't just leave me hovering at this point of neither-here-nor-there I was at, and through the shimmering fogs that clouded my mind I could only find one clear thought: That of that I wanted to have him closer to me, as close as was possible for two beings to be. I had one of my hands in his hair, trying to coax him up to be above me, on me, in me.

He leaned his body up over mine, his legs lay between mine, the skin of his chest touched against my breast, his face was level with mine, and he started kissing me once again. I felt the weight of his body on mine, and I could feel his own arousal, pressed hard against me. He leaned himself up a little bit, with the help of his arms, breaking the closeness of our bodies just as much as was necessary.

I felt him there, about to enter me, and a slight fear mixed into my excitement. Questions formed in the back of my mind, faraway memories of what I had heard or thought. However, the fear itself turned into excitement, and looking up I saw the same green eyes that seemed to erase my mind from anything apart from the arousal I felt.

I felt him slipping inside me, little by little. I wanted him to urge to hurry, I couldn't wait any longer, but at the same time I knew it was better for him to be careful. Everything felt different to what I had imagined – but I didn't even know what I had imagined it to feel like. Througout all this time he kept looking right into my eyes, and I felt closer to him than to anyone I had known in my life.

Then, when he was all inside me, he paused for a few moments. When he started moving again I heard a loud moaning sound in the room – it took me a while to realise it was my own voice I heard.

He took up the pace and as he thrust deeper and deeper into me, I never wanted to let go of his eyes, I never wanted to stop and wonder how I had got here, who he was, who I was.

All I wanted was to feel, feel him. An annoying voice in the back of my mind seemed to chant the months of the year, but I pushed it away.

The candle bathed the room in a golden light, the details of everything around me blurred, but it was as if everything was glittering and shining and beautiful. The lights grew brighter and more golden with every moment that passed. If it was moments that passed – maybe it was years. I didn't know what time was, anymore.

He started kissing me again, and I wrapped my legs around him, to pull him deeper into me, to hold on to him. I wanted to be with him forever, feel the warmth of his body, the softness of his skin, feel him in me.

The waves of pleasure that overwhelmed my body were more than I had expected to be able to feel. How could so much feeling fit into my body without breaking it? I sank into an ocean that was only feeling, and held on to his warm body, and the golden light that seemed to explode in front of my closed eyes.

The warmth of his body and the light. The warmth. His body. The light. Darkness.

The light was gone, and so was the warmth. Only then did I realise that the body I still clung onto felt cold, the skin rough like that of a reptile.

In panic I opened my eyes. I was lying on the dirty and wet ground of a dark room in a ruined house. The roof above me was broken, and some drops of rain were falling through it onto me.

Above me, a creature was hovering. I couldn't see very well in the darkness, but recognized that its shapes looked human and yet not human. Its eyes were green – they glowed in the darkness.

For a few seconds I lay there motionless with fear and then I started screaming and trying to push away the creature from me.

The sound of a growl interrupted my scream, and I felt hands holding on to me, pinning me to the ground. Cold hands, hard hands, and I could feel long claws breaking my skin. My whole body hurt, and without being able to see much, I still realised that my skin was cut open at various places, and that the warm wetness I felt on my skin – also between my legs – was my own blood. The old wound on my foot had broken open again, and felt like I could never use that foot again.

One last time I tried to struggle myself free, but the glowing eyes of the creature seemed to paralyze me. They were cold, and somehow it was their gaze that made all of the memories return to my brain. I knew again where I was, who it was that was holding me onto the dirty floor. Most of all, I remembered my mother.

I felt the necklace around my neck and it was heavy and seemed to be lying directly on my throat, almost suffocating me. The frustration of having it right there and yet being unable to bring it to my mother's grave and save her, brought tears to my eyes.

Then I realised that the creature's eyes were closer and closer to mine, that it leaned down my face. A moment later its lips touched mine, and I could feel a snakelike tongue slide into my mouth, I could feel sharp teeth biting my lips, and I felt the weight of the necklace pressing down on my throat.

I was unable to move and even breathing became more and more difficult. The room, the ruin of the house, the October night around me was dark, and it grew darker and darker. And darker.

***

"Mom?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Mom, is this you? Where are you? I can't see you, it is so dark."

"Yes, it is me. I am very near. It is always dark under the ground."

"Mom, I am sorry that I failed."

"Don't be sorry, you didn't fail."

"You know, I got the necklace, but then I couldn't get away. I tried the best I could. I wanted to free you."

"Don't worry, sweetheart. You didn't fail. You freed me."

"Then why is it so dark? Will it get lighter soon? I want to see you."

"You can't see me. You are under the ground. I am outside, the sun will rise soon. I am free. Someone had to take my place."

"What do you mean? Mom?"

"I am sorry, sweetheart, but that's the way it has to be. It was you he wanted all along. It's your place, you were destined for it. I once thought I could save you, back then, thirteen years ago, when he first came for you. But the thirteen years I spent in the place he took me to, have taught me different. I am just human, I am not made for that."

"No, Mom. You can't leave me here! I am human, too."

"You know better than that. You are one of them. This is what you were made for. I was lucky that you never tried to start anything with a human man. He wouldn't have wanted you anymore in such a case."

"But I was born to you. I was born to a human woman. I am human. I feel human. I am your child."

"How can you be my child if you were never a real child? My child was the son I was pregnant with before you invaded my womb. The son you pushed out to get yourself be born into our world. You killed my child."

"But how could I kill someone if I was not even born. Please, Mom."

"Don't call me Mom. Your kind does not have mothers and fathers."

"But Mom... Why?"

"I had to. Thirteen years in this place was as much as I could take. And he promised to make everything right again. He didn't want me, nor had he planned anything against me. All he wanted was you. He wanted you before you even were made – that is why he came to me in the first place. Now all will be right again. I will be young again, I will be pregnant with my own baby, he will be a son who grows up to marry and have a son of his own. Now, or twenty-six years from now, I will be a grandmother. And I will live a normal life in this house with my husband. With Eric. Did you know he was my fiancé? He never stopped believing that you were the baby I was pregnant with. Thinking that you were his daughter was the only thing that kept him alive throughout all his insanity. But now he won't remember. Time will go back and things will be right again. I will be the only one who remembers you, ever. For the rest of the world, you will never have existed, not even in as much as a story."

"But Mom, it's not my fault! I don't want to stay here. I want to live."

"I'm not your Mom, and you are not my child. You are not human, you can't live a human life. You were a mistake, you aren't real to our world."

"But Mom, please..."

"You must go now. He will take you to his place. That's where you belong."

"But Mom... I love you!"

"I love you too, sweetie. Now go."

"No, Mom... Please... Mom. Mom!"