All Comments on 'Time to See Her Naked'

the day job

Okay, what you've done is condensed part of a story that should of been multiple, plot filled, descriptive chapters into what quite frankly amounts to garbage.

This has no proper description of sex, so it isn't a stroke story and you can't lay out anything half decent plot-wise unless you properly describe it.

Anthonyfiction's Time for School has done what you tried to do but on a completely different level.

A very nice use of a teen perspective, a flash moment of magical just before the class bell sounds. As a writer I appreciate someone who can pull and O'Henry moment into a short story.

Good Job!

Where is the rest of the story? How did he get these powers? You have condensed what could be a great storyline into almost nothing. What you have is good, but it needs to be expanded. I look forward to seeing this story again in a much broader scope.

Oh, wait, it has. There is a current series about a high school kid who can stop time, and it's a lot better than this mess. Your main plot line is stolen. Your story is rushed, with no pacing, no character development. Why would Sarah make out with John if she has a boyfriend? Why would these other girls let him fondle them in their underwear after he did such an abusive and embarrassing thing to them? There are so many holes in the plot you could drive a truck through them. I never want to discourage someone from writing, as I've written a few stories here that got beaten up, but you need an editor to save you from yourself.

This is extremely close to another story on here, but I can't remember what it was. Any help?

What the fuck did I just erad?