Tim's Odyssey

Tim, I think you should talk with her! For what it is worth, I think SHE is worth it!" Sam added as she left the room.

"Tim, this is all very confusing but most of all embarrassing. I thought I might help protect you from being hurt again or at the very least to let you know what was happening so that you wouldn't have it going on and on right under your nose. I can see I obviously have no idea what is going on and I am painfully aware that whatever it is, it is none of my business. I think I should just leave now."

My mind was finally starting to get back on track and I was beginning to see what this was all about. Amber looked so distressed that in spite of all previous efforts to avoid getting too close and comforting her, I knew I at least owed her an explanation.

"Actually Amber, I'd like you to stay for a while. I'd like to tell you some things that will relieve your concerns and I'd like to thank you for caring so much that you would go this far to try to protect me."

Love is a strange emotion!

I love Sam. I want desperately for her to be happy. In spite of my love for her and I believe with all my heart, her love for me, her long term happiness, nor mine for that matter, was going to come from a relationship between us.

I hope that she and Brandon find happiness together! I like him and, as I said, I love her.

Maybe I've just matured.

I don't know.

I had the opportunity to build a relationship with Marge. One built on mutual respect and an amazing concurrence of interests and values but I didn't avail myself of it. It wasn't what I wanted.

Sam was ready to pledge her faithfulness and loyalty for the rest of my life and from what I can tell, she probably would have lived up to her word. She is intelligent, young, beautiful and extremely sexy, but that wasn't what I wanted either.

What I wanted I had been denying myself!

I do know that seeing how much Amber cared and seeing her well intended if not misguided attempt to ward off any hurt to me, with no reward to herself, other than my well being, must have convinced me that Amber does love me.

I wanted desperately to take her into my arms and this time, I didn't let "common sense" nor Charlie's advice overrule what I wanted.

Amber was stiff and uncomfortable initially but I felt her relax and melt into my embrace. When she did, I knew what it was that I wanted.

This, to put it in its simplest terms was what I wanted. What Amber did to me and our marriage was wrong, hurtful and to a marked degree, just plain stupid. Would she do it again? I don't know for sure but I strongly doubt it.

Anyway, assuming she is willing, I'm going to give it another shot.

What's the worst that can happen? And, if the worst did happen, at least that would give me fodder for another story!