All Comments on 'The Joy of the Hunt Ch. 01'

Very sexy start! I can't wait to see how this plays !!!

Great writing style and perfect amount of description to set the scene, I'm Excited to see where this goes! Are you posting the next chapters soon? x

Great start! So far it looks to be right down my alley, can't wait until you post again!

staring mesmerized into the cobra eyes of your story. So descriptive and evocative while telling us so very little. Many, many questions to be answered. Looking forward to more.

It raises a lot of questions: Who/what is he. who is she? How did she get in this predicament? Please write more.

I hate to be that person that says I didn't like it. But for the first installment of the series, I think it was too short. It needs more background information. It just needs more information all together. Is she his slave?

You say you have most of them written already, my suggestion would be to combine some of them if they are all this short.

Aside from that, I think the plot line is great, it is a great idea for a story, I would just like. Little bit more of it.

I will definitely be returning for more though, you have a way with words.

So far so good, can't wait for more

Good potential here, but there are so many small formatting and grammar errors that it makes the story difficult to read (e.g. dialogue formatting/punctuation, comma use, sentence fragments that seem incomplete rather than intentionally dramatic). If you've taken the time to write this, and want readers to take their time to read, why not go the final step and get an editor?

There was definitely the hint of something very interesting in this story but it was so short that it felt extremely unsatisfying.... if most of the story is already written it would probably make readers happier if you uploaded in bigger chunks (still your choice though haha). But for a first submission it shows a lot of promise and I'm very excited to see where this plot goes! Happy writing :DD

This was far too brief though. It wasn't a chapter, just a scene setting. I liked the way you broke up the dialogue by inserting action, it made the story come off the page.

I'm not a fan of using present tense in story telling because it isn't technically correct and because it simply doesn't read as well as past tense.

Thank you so much, all who took the time to comment! The constructive criticism is as welcome as the "likes". I'll try to reply to some of the more consistent comments here.

1) Chapter length:

This first chapter is very short on purpose,just a scene-setter. That is also the reason why I posted chapter two at the same time.

That said - I agree that the second part is also too short. Since I have most of the story written I will endeavour to make the remaining installments much longer.

2) History

Again, it is written like this, with tons of open questions, on purpose. Right now she is faceless and nameless, but we do get a fairly good insight to her thoughts. Details of her appearance will be revealed bit by bit, the history is covered in a chapter that is more of a "prequel" or flash-back. All good things come to those who wait, don't worry.

3) Punctuation

I need to apologize profusely for this. For some reason I seem to have posted the un-beta'd version of this chapter. I will make sure that I choose the right document from now on, as well as go back and correct this one.

Finally, a comment on publishing schedule; I was not aware of just how long the delay between submission and approval is on literotica. I will publish the next (much longer) installment this evening. This means it should appear in 5 to 7 days.

Keep the comments coming!

/Loth

The tense is awkwardly written. Why is the narration in present tense

reading this again, and it's yummy.