Tomorrow, I'll Think About Tomorrow

Wait. If I cherish her, then WHAT, exactly? Are her eyes offering me what I think they're offering? No, that isn't right. She's acting, and she's very good at it. She's been hired to give me this fantasy, so she's going all out. She's not offering a chance at forever, no matter how incredible the vision of that forever is, a forever that is now etched into my heart. She's leaving my life, forever, at 11:30. No more Cecilia, or whatever her name is. In less than two hours, her personal clock hits midnight, and this... this whatever this is... turns back into so many pumpkins, mice, and memories of something that was never really mine to begin with.

With a suddenness that surprises me, I'm overcome by the worst kind of loss: losing something you never really had in the first place.

And that forces me to recalibrate.

"CC, this feels so good. And as lousy as the timing is, would you ever forgive me if I excused myself into the restroom?"

"Of course, Drew. Honey, you can do no wrong tonight. Just, please hurry. I've waited too long for you as it is." With a smile, I close the door to give myself a silent but thorough talking-to.

Thoughts pour into my mind as I look into the mirror. "Look, dumbass. She's an escort. She's been paid, and paid well, to play a role. That's it. Those aren't real emotions she's giving you."

The problem is that the emotions I'm feeling are real. Or could be, anyway.

"Drew, for five damn minutes, just turn your brain off. This is a fantasy, your fantasy. So, enjoy it for what it is. Tomorrow, it'll just be a fantastic memory, a sly smile at inopportune times. Don't ruin that. Just, stop thinking, and start feeling."

Deep breath. Okay, just feel.

++++++++++

Four hours ago

Red tie, yellow tie. Yellow tie, red tie. The black suit was a natural choice 45 minutes ago, and the pale blue oxford was simple too. But now, red tie, yellow tie, yellow tie, red tie. On the one hand, this is a meaningless exercise. She is the definition of a sure thing. I've paid good money to make sure of the sure thing. So I could probably show up looking like Rodney Dangerfield in "Caddyshack" and still have this woman.

But I want to look good. It's part of the whole scenario. The perfect woman isn't going to ditch her social plans for a guy in polka dotted pants. This is lucky, because I don't own polka dotted pants.

No, if I'm going to believe that this girl is going to lose her date for me, I have to believe in myself enough to make that a possibility.

It's all an act. And even though she's the star, I still have a part to play. That means I have to look the part and act the part. So .. Red tie, yellow tie. Wait, Tanya gave me the red tie for Christmas, didn't she? There you go: yellow tie it is!

++++++++++

Flushing the toilet for effect, I open the bathroom door. Wait. Why is she back in the dress? Two minutes ago, she was resplendent in yellow lace. The dress, form-flattering as it is, is a serious letdown now.

I guess she can read my mind. "Sit down, baby. There's something I wanted to do from the first second I felt you behind me on the dance floor."

Somewhere in there, my heart stopped. I perch on the edge of the bed, almost automatically.

Immediately, she turns her back to me, then backs between my spread open legs. Swaying to music only she can hear, she gently rests her derriere on my lap and slides forward and back, back then forward, then in widening circles. My hands fall to her waist helping her grind against me, letting her feel the arousal she brings out in me.

"You've had these before, haven't you Drew?" She's teasing me.

I lean forward to breathe in her ear. "I have, but never like this."

"You know what the best part about this one is?"

A gentle nibble on her ear. "It's you and not some stripper?"

She moans breathily. "No, it's that with this dance, your hands..." she takes my hands in hers "can go..." she pulls my hands slowly up her sides "anywhere..." she rests my hands just below her breasts "they want." Finally, after a tortuous journey up, my hands cup her breasts. Those amazing, unreal breasts that have had my mouth watering all night. I kiss her shoulder, close my eyes, and deeply inhale her perfume.

My hands move back down her sides, resting on the hem of her dress, now scooched up to her ass. "Anywhere?" I breathe into her ear. Another moan of desire. "Yes, yes. Anywhere..."

Gently closing my fists around the fabric, I pull the dress up over her ass and waist. She momentarily raises from my lap, just long enough for her dress to slide underneath, then right back down. Now my hardness is unquestionable, resting between the cheeks of her ass. Her movements become stronger, more urgent, more intense. All that stands between us are my slacks, my boxers, and a paper thin strip of yellow silk. Far, far too much in this instant.

I slide the dress further up, where it catches against the underside of her magnificent breasts. Urgently, her hands fly in front of her, fully freeing herself from one layer of clothing. My hands are now free to caress the yellow lace that holds her in place.

"Now," my brain cries out. "Now!" I can't wait any longer; I grab the underside of the bra cups and pull it off in haste. She gasps, her nipples pebbling in the contrast between the cool air of the hotel room and the heat of my fingertips.

Before I can react, she spins to me, pushes my shoulders back, and we fall onto the bed. Her lips devour mine; my hands knead the skin of her ass, pulling her closer and closer. Again, my mind screams "Now!" My throat must have as well, as she pulls away for an instant, looks deeply into my eyes, and mouths "Yes, Drew. Now. Yes, lover."

Suddenly, her hands are everywhere: loosening my tie, undoing my belt, pulling my pants down, ripping my shirt off. My hands fly to her panties as she yanks down my boxers, and instantly, we are naked for each other. Aroused for each other. Ready for each other.

++++++++++

As I slowly wake up, the smell of sex and perfume mingles with something I cannot place. My eyes slowly pry themselves open, and the other side of the bed is cold. I guess I'm not surprised; my three hours were up just before midnight. Still, wonderful night. Reinvigorating. I can please a woman, and my ego is much more at peace. There is a note on her side of the bed, where I wish she was. It smells of her perfume. I smile; that was kind of her. I'm sure she doesn't do that for all of her clients.

"Dear amazing, incomparable Drew. You'll never know how much I needed last night. You've woken up my soul, reminded me that there is hope. Please understand that I had to leave last night; if it were solely up to me, I'd be right here, snuggled up in your warm arms, ready to wake you up in ways you've dreamed of since you were a boy. Please, please, please call me at XXX-XXX-XXXX! Someday soon, I want to be in those arms again. With more hope than I would have believed possible twelve hours ago, CC."

Yeah, I know. But still, it was sweet of her. I reach over to grab my phone, see what time it is. Missed call? When did someone call? Well, I guess I was kinda busy last night, I chuckle to myself. Huh. Don't recognize the number either. Huh again. Okay...

"You have one new message."

"Andrew, this is Madeline. I am so very sorry that Alexandra wasn't able to be there last night. She had a family emergency while she was on the way, and... Well, there is no excuse. I have not charged your card, and I will not. In fact, if you'll allow me to make it up to you, I'll arrange for another rendezvous, on me. Please call me. BEEEEEEEP"

Holy shit. You mean... Really? Wait, REALLY?!?! You've got to be kidding me! Crap, where's that note?

beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep

"Hello?"

"CC?"

"Oh Drew, thank God! I felt so bad that I had to go last night, but it is... great to hear from you."

"CC? Is this real? I mean, really real, and really happening to me?"

"I was asking myself that very same question. I guess it is."

[smile] "Oh thank God."

++++++++++

Four days ago

"CC, you are so much better off without him."

"Yeah, I know, but..."

"Oh my God, you don't actually want him back, do you?"

[sniffle] "No, but..."

"Do you need me to remind you, CC? Really, you've forgotten? He screwed other women!"

"I know, Marie."

"Remember your family reunion? He fucked your cousin!"

"Marie..."

"He hit on me! Your best friend! With you standing right there!"

"Yeah, but..."

"'Yeah, but'? You are not seriously going to defend that piece of shit, are you? Jesus. Tell you what - why don't I call him and see if he's still interested? I'm sure some cheap, sleazy sex is exactly what he was looking for... Would you like me to do that?! Hey, maybe we could have a threesome! You wanna see if you can get freaky with me and win his ass back?! I'm sure he'd love that!"

"Stop it, Marie. Of course not. [sigh] Look, I know he wasn't the right guy. I've known for a long time. It's just... Haven't you ever held onto a guy just because amazing sex with the wrong guy was better than no sex and no guy?"

"I know, hon. I know; we both have. But even when I did, I knew that it was going to end. And when it did end, no tears, no sorrow. No more pain or worry. Just relief that it's over, and looking forward to what's next."

"I know you're right, Marie. But... not tonight, okay? Let me be sad about this tonight. Tomorrow, I'll think about tomorrow."

"Okay, CC. Tomorrow, we'll think about tomorrow. Hey! Better still, tomorrow, we'll think about this weekend. My uncle's jazz combo is playing Friday night at Armand's. I have to work, but you should go. He's got a huge crush on you, you know. We'll go shopping first. The other day I saw this blue dress that you would dazzle in..."