All Comments on 'Tragedy in the Oilfield'

The plot and the characters seemed to move without a lot emotion. Though I felt the story was wooden it kept my interest. I also felt the ending was rushed and a bit contrived. Keep writting I will look forward to your next story, thanks.

but it could have use a bit more emotion at critical points. For example, Millie quietly putting her self on "layaway" for Rob seem to be void of emotional journey that should have been present.

WTF with the 11" dick. Honestly, are you still in high school? Writing is still very stiff and dialogue is too formal.

I can smell the stale beer and cigarette tars. I can feel my dried, salty sweat and sunburn dryness. I can see the strobe lights and barely see thru the cigarette smoke. It is not a comfortable situation, and I just feel wrong upon finishing this story.

Therefore, it has to be (at least fairly) good! But I coulda done without 'epilogue two.' If Hubby don't do the burning himself, BTB don't count! 'One,' however, was appropriate and good!

Nope, you still can't write, no feeling, dialogue is stilted and NO ONE that speaks ENGLISH talks the way they do in your dialogue.

language was this first written in?

Thanks for the read

But still pretty fucking bad. Comments about the weird dialogue are correct. Nobody talks like that. Lots of unbelievable situations like a woman not moving on after getting dumped so hard. What was that with the beer? She pilled it on herself on purpose? Bizarre. There's more but.... not worth any more effort. Keep at it though. I recommend a reeeaaaallly good editor. I mean like an editor from Hogwarts.

You write stories like you are writing an instruction manual. You never show anything of the inner life of your characters or build any suspense whatsoever. Your dialogue is wooden. Sorry,you just can't write fiction, as much as you might want to.

For sure epilogue 2, because the cheating was deep in her. No matter what could have happened, she would go on cheating. The new husband hadn't children to take in account, so simply killed her and the lover...

I'm a big BTB fan with no wimps allowed, but this is one of the weirdest stories I have ever read.

I've read soil sample reports that have had more emotion.

Wow, I'm sorry but I have to agree with the others. The mistakes here are too numerous to mention. Some people, no matter how hard they try, just can't write. You're one of those people. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

If, by any chance, you wish to continue and keep trying, then you should take some on-line writing courses. There are a ton of them out there and a lot of them are free. You also need to learn grammar. One MAJOR mistake. You never have two people talk in the same paragraph! Every time a new person says something, a new paragraph is started.

Also, watch your tense. You're mixing between past and present tense in the same paragraph; sometimes in the same sentence.

You should also pay attention to what everyone is telling you. Your dialogue is very stiff and unrealistic. When writing dialogue, just write it like you would say it. Talk to yourself, then type it out. You also need some emotion. Let the reader know how your characters feel.

I could go on for ever but I'm going to stop here. Good luck on future endeavors, should you decide to take them.

Too bad this author would not allow voting. I really wanted to give this dry ass story 1 star. I should have read the reviews before I wasted my time reading it.

Editor!! Editor!!! You need someone to help or proofread. The part where she gets naked except for underwear and plays the cello, then the kids come home and hug her leads everyone to believe she's still naked is questionable. Story is jumpy, and has too many unneeded facts about the characters. 1 star.

One star would have been more than it deserved. Worst dialog EVER! Completely unbelieveable characters. LOL.

is what took it so long. TK U MLJ LV NV

the writing isnt that...good and the story is....so-so, but keep writing. its a learning process.

c_w, I have not read your other stories yet, so I will reserve judgement as to your competency.

Almost all the comments are lambasting your lack of skills as a writer. I sort of agree with a number of the criticisms. The ending, with the lack of emotional response by adults or children to Julie's death, was totally unbelievable.

I have certainly earned a shitload of critiques for my own writing, including death threats. But I am a sadistic bastard who enjoys tormenting my readers.

So I will concentrate on what I liked about the way you wrote this story. First of all, not everybody are emotional hysterics about every little thing that goes wrong in their lives. I have known people who do that stiff upper lip/poker face response to even the worse life & death throw at them.

Hell, I've been accused of lacking empathy enough times myself, just for not reacting with an expected emotional outburst.

Considering the society and the people you used in your story, I thought a lot of that sounded as a reasonably accurate description. At least for the adults.

You need a lot more experience with children and raising them (Not the same thing!) if you want to make your pre-pub character's act and sound more realistic.

Do not trust the spellcheck and other autocorrect and word replace functions in your word processor. Cause they will fuck you up in a flash. The computer is just a tool.

Just as your car, without a care, will carry you screaming to a fiery death off a cliff.

At least when a horse bucks you off over the edge of the cliff, will enjoy listening to your screams as the nag gallops away. That's the big difference between machines and biology.

The writing was very stilted and never created any real emotion. Perhaps a really good editor would have helped, but as it sits, this wasn't interesting to read and it seemed to drag. One star.

who are these people and why should we care?

stilted is too animated a description of the dialogue.

A nasty little tale of a insensitive dolt and a pathologically disturbed woman. How could he have missed that? What exactly did he love about her? What did they have in common? Another irrational plot.

great writing but could use a little more meat in it. some of the things were moving way to fast in the story to keep track of.

Obviously writing is not your forte! You may want to consider taking a class on how to write fiction. If you do wish to continue, then you definitely need to get an editor.

He catches his wife cheating on him , she begs him to listen to her , she has lost her way, with these sick character she is screwing , he ignores her not wanting to hear anything . So happens his ex girlfriend who he dumped like a rag doll is waiting for him . She takes him back and his 2 kids and this seems so improbable . After all he shit on her after 5 years of being a couple. This just doesn't work. Taking on 5 cowboys and brutally assaulted she still doesn't come clean or seek help . But goes back to that abuse and used . Her ex is one cold fish neither character is likable here.

The story line was okay but the dialog between individuals was very stiff. It did not flow into life like speech. Keep working on it. It will no doubt be frustrating and absolutely time consuming. Cheers!

only sees dark black and no white in life. I agree. He never really tried to understand what was wrong, only that something was wrong and it was hurting him. What she did was wrong and they should be divorced, but like many men and women she had a problem that should have been addressed years before. For such a loving and caring husband, he sure missed that. In her shame, she gave him too much and he took too much from her. At the very least, he owed her help for finding her way back to sanity since his long periods of travel took him away so much. He contributed to the problem but never really tried to solve it. He wanted her to understand what he wanted and needed but hardly listened to her and worse did not pay attention until it was too late. In fact both of them were fools, only he gets to benefit from the their foolishness and failure to pay attention.

Life is not what some want to really read about. Yep, sometimes hubby had to be gone a few days at a time. BFD. Sounds like her second hubby wasnt perfect either.

I am not native speaking author as you are, so I enjoy your story well. Do not stop writing stories as this, where we see the future of the pair after the divorce.

she lived for the sex and died for the sex...

....for a divorce story.

I never thought an engineer, an accountant, several rednecks and another engineer would mix it up in the Texas oil fields (or whatever other fields they may have been in).

But other than serving as a chronicle of the end of a bad marriage, this was possibly the most sloppily written piece I've read in months. Very stilted, shifting and breaking into new thoughts without warning or even moderate effort at transitioning.

Lot's of technical errors, screaming for substantial effort (better assistance) in editing.

As to the story, you suggest that every redneck has a bigger and/or thicker cock than the enginner(s). And by association, that every woman wants giant cock in wild, rabid, uninhibited sexual mayhem as often as possible. Now, these are all logical extensions of the statements made in the story, but they are as ridiculous there as their extensions are here.

Finally, I don't know any man that would dump miss "robo-babe" with a great five year history and obvious love, for a titty-flashing skank (especially an ugly one) for any reason, unless there were deep problems, severe boredom, or no love between them. Little or no character development, one dimensional across the board.

Very, very roughly written. Reads more like a draft or sketch, than a finished story.

I won't bother whining about the technical issues with the writing, because it is pointless and would take pages.....

Really, do yourself a BIG favor and get some editorial help!

@Anon the Athor wrote the husband did not know she was party girl. Her party girl past was the main cause to become slut.............The husband remained for his kids in the marriage until the wife became total slut.

Sometimes the old flame thing can be reboiled so the second marriage is understandable.

Duna

Very creative location. Nicely complex and conflicted characters. For a page or a bit more I was eagerly awaiting the emotions and resolution from the affair. Between husband and wife & her lover( s). Then POOF ! Nothing ! Lovers disappear, wife cries as she is divorced and shipped out of the picture.

It is as if your laptop finished the story.

Were you in a hurry to write something else? Did you have to go somewhere and needed to quickly finish?

This story WAS the tragedy!!

Your previous work created much discussion and consternation. That is what makes this so disappointing. Maybe you were having a bad day, story.

Well, I hope you continue writing. I will continue reading your stuff.

Now, on to read the comments so I can see how far off- base I am, lol.

AMerryMan

This had to be one of the most stilted stories I've read on this site.

Seriously BAD written. I'd give you 1* if I could.

I can see why you have removed the readers ability to judge this tale; the plot was poor, was very poorly written, lacked well structured characters & unfortunately for me was not an enjoyable read. If I could score, it would only rate a 2 ** at best.

Stupid story. Was your mind asleep when you wrote this. Make it sound like she moved into a very dangerous state. The Bakken in the Dakotas. Keep your rubbish in Texas. Gave you a two. Poorly written.

The husband wasn't a wimp and the wife was murdered, sounds like a winner of a story to me.

please, turn on ratings so I can give this shit what it deserves...

Great content and great effort. Loved the cuck and cheating just like dear annnony!!!

when the kids already know and are ok with it, TK U MLJ LV NV

seen enough of this crap happen over the years

absolutely stupid epilog 2, complete non sequitur

took a solid 4 story to 2.5

Where was the plot? No meat and potatoes in this story..

Pretty good story. Having grown up in the Permian Basin, with a Dad who

worked in the oil fields, I appreciated a lot of the background info.

The thing that blew it for me was the dialogue. West Texas "oil patch "

women do not say "I can not ". They say "I cain't". It rhymes with

"ain't ".

I know it's just nit-picking, but when you are writing a story that's that

close to home, for me, small differences make a difference.

5 stars, regardless.

Well, this had the makings of a pretty good story, except for a few things. Number one, in my opinion, is that you kept changing the tense of the narrative from past to

present, back and forth, and that gets confusing. You really need a good editor. Number two, and somebody else mentioned this, was the dialogue. People in the

"Oil Patch" just don't talk like that. I know because I grew up there. There is a vern-

acular, a pattern of speech, that is native to the West Texas oil fields, that is found no

where else in the world. If you want your story to ring true you should really try to

incorporate that colloquial dialect into your story. I don't mean to belittle your story or

your effort, I am only offering what I consider to be constructive criticism.

the way your write your stories I am socked you did not have her raped and then dismembered.

I couldn't read this story past the first page because of the writing. The author says the only language he knows is English, but it definitely doesn't sound like a native English speaker. Absolutely awful to try to get through.

Uh, okay.

But writing like this is painful for us readers. Night school creative writing is calling.

Don't see much tragedy with Julie up to her old tricks. Much deserved.

She may have needed help in some regards, but she was still a cheater. No sympathy here

I just had a couple of problems with it. First, the dialogue was way too stiff and formal. I was born and raised in the West Texas “awl patch”, and the people there just don’t talk that way. The people there have their own vernacular that even Texans from other parts of the state sometimes have problems with. Secondly, and this is NOT unique to this story, Texas is a ‘pro choice’ state when it comes to divorce. A no fault divorce is an option, but ‘at fault’ divorce is also allowed. Adultery and abandonment are just two of the justifications for at fault divorce. Other than that I thought it was a pretty good story.

She was a selfish slut who didn't learn from the mistakes of her first marriage, and spread her legs one too many times.

I have no problem at all with the occasional happy ending. The kids won't miss her at al.

Should have sewn her legs shut

"Is the Baby yours?" When he called the listed phone number, he was explained the procedure they required. This done, the certified results came back stating that Robb was not the father of the second child but was of the first. He never confronted his wife but decided to watch her closely.

Because in reality that would never happen this way and as this was in no way tethered to reality, it died there.

My favorite of this author's many stories. Happy ending for everyone.

I have prosecuted depraved coke whores. They loved their children and never agreed to permanent deprivation of parental rights. This depiction of Julie is cpoletely unbelievable.

The husband does nothing about paternity fraud? That's a ridiculous plot element. Sentimental geezer BS.

The only way this story could have ended better is if she ate the gun herself.

Forget the naysayers, this is your story and even though the bitch actually got her due ,you have written a good story.

***Good read interesting storyline and a somewhat bitter end. Thanks for sharing.

You started losing me after the asshole bailed on Millie after one dance with Julie and definitely lost me after she waited for him all the remaining years. I like fiction but there are limits.

Robb was CUCK for Julie!! WEAK pathetic loser MC

Had ti stop reading it was so painfull

Some plot holes and bit unrealistic. But it did have a happy ending and this counts for something.