All Comments on 'Traitor's Daughter Ch. 01'

But the abuse was too harsh for me. It had potential to be sexy but I'm disappointed.

I want to see how this plays out. I am so warped for finding his character appealing but I do. And I hope to see some redemption.

Thanks for sharing. I hope you update soon. Or at the least update us on when you anticipate that you will be updating.

Regards

like it

yes, started out very promising. good story.

but the abuse was too harsh for me also. knocking the girl unconscious and causing such brutal injuries is not sexy.

i wished the girl would have gotten some "unwanted pleasure" from being forced.

Once I had started reading I almost wanted to stop. As I said almost, it was compulsive reading. I kept thinking there would be some light with his little thoughts but there was only more darkness. I need to read chapter 2 soon, you can't leave her there in so much pain! I sincerely hope he bitterly regrets his actions and he is a damned fool for not listening to his instincts.

If your aim was to provide a gripping read with a bold storyline, leaving an overwhelming feeling of uncomfortable emotion then you have completely succeeded. For a first submission it is very good. Thank you.

Almost stopped reading yet found I couldn't, hope there is some light at the end of the tunnel for lexi she is not at fault for her fathers deeds and I hope he realises that she has issues with what he did too. Please don't leave it too long before posting chapter 2. Thanks for sharing

Well written, but a little too rough for me to swallow.....

Thanks for all the feedback. I do not really like my sentence structure so i will be polishing that skill for future chapters. Yes, this chapter is brutal but it is all set up for the story. I will be submitting chapter 2 tonight, more details and history. I don't want to give too much away but...yes there is hope for Lexi/Alex. This was my first submission and I hope to improve my skills as I create. - thanks- Tatum

Harsh, brutal, sadistic and yet totally believable.

Incredibly well written too.

Don't be frightened to write the brutality, because unfortunately these things do actually happen. There is no point in shying away from it.

You have also thrown a lifeline in her direction with his instincts, but it is your story...take it where you will.

I understand why some may think it's too rough but I think you're setting it up perfectly. I love Dmitry's conflicting emotions and know that this needs to be as graphic as it is for the payoff at the end. Don't worry about the haters, there are other stories out there for them, you have a talent and I look forward to watching it develop.

You have an interesting start here. I see it could definitely use some polishing up with regards to the editing, but as far as overall storyline and setup, I think you did a solid job. The subject matter is tense and hard to get through, but I think you did this justice. I am really looking forward to the next chapter. -Lisa

this is so *completely* unrealistic. Female physiology doesn't work that way: If things happened as you've described them, Lexi would need a hospital, or die within hours as her shit leaked into her abdominal cavity. do some research, ok?

Torture porn. Take it to fetish.

That was an intense read. This is your story write it how you wanna write it. Dont try to tone it down to fit the crowd. Cant wait til the next chapter! Im intrigued by how this story will go!

Hi All,

I appreciate all the feedback. I now realize I should have maybe combined chapters one and two so this first installment wouldn't be seen as only "torture." There is more to this story, I promise. I did not mean to offend anyone. Hopefully the next chapter will improve things. - thanks - Tatum

Fucking extreme torture porn again *sigh* They REALLY need to make this type of stuff into it's own section. This is one step away from being snuff.

But you have also set up an intriguing story. I am generally one of the first towards the exit door for torture porn.... Yet, as horrid his actions were, the story does not feel it is going to be that. You were generous with clues to his inner struggle. He often seemed to be forcing himself to force her. He was not revelling in her pain. There was no leering laughter and dripping dick. He did not extend the torture. He beat her and raped her and was done. It was 'business' not 'pleasure.' (Now don't y'all come for me with pitchforks. Rate is rape and beating is beating. You all either know what I mean, or you won't be able to see it that way.)

It was good of you to let us know there will be more to the story. Everyone's blood pressure can settle down now. :)

Also appreciated that this was NOT a magical cock situation. There was nothing in this that was in any way, shape or form pleasant or arousing for Lexi. That she expected him to appear one day is not accepting what is happening.

Nice balance of each character's inner situation.

I'm not usually one to belittle another person's opinion anonymous or boldly voiced but seriously "this is so *completely* unrealistic. Female physiology doesn't work that way: If things happened as you've described them, Lexi would need a hospital, or die within hours as her shit leaked into her abdominal cavity. do some research, ok?" First of all it's a fantasy of another person's thoughts and construction so unless OwnedbyConway is actually Jesus and can turn water into wine then of course her piece will be bordering the unrealistic because hardly anyone wishes to be fucked to the point where 'shit leaks into their abdominal cavity' and Secondly this is fiction NOT a detailed medical report so Anonymous MD please calm down. I think your piece is very well written and please don't be discourage by Internet nonsense, continue to write it because your thoughts are unique so Traitor's Daughter is be extraordinary adventure no one has taken or will take except for you, OwnedbyConway.

xoxox

hi there Tatum,

i found myself reading this story much like i watch harsh/violent scenes in the movies - peeking thru my fingers and wincing to myself with every too-graphic description. (did you watch The Hunger Games? kind of like that.) and yet i continued reading, just like i would continue watching the movie, if the plot's any good - which in your case, it sure promises to be.

so while this wasn't erotica for me just yet - i did not find this first chapter sexually stimulating at all - i still enjoyed the read very much, and am very much looking forward to future chapters.

Interesting premise for plot development. Looking forward for the next chapter :)

So story time: there's a recent chaptered story in the noncon section I've read in the last week. It's extremely well written but the plot...god. It's so predictable and boring. It's gotten great reviews but I just can't stomach it. My point: you have an excellent start to a plot here. Plenty hooks and openings for twists. It's a little rough, but writing skills can only get better. It's a much easier fix than creativity. That being said, the only real glaring issue was the varying points of view. I had to reread a few lines to determine who exactly was thinking those thoughts. Delineate a little. Keep up the good work! I'm hooked!

I like the premise of the story a lot, and like how rough it started - it can only get better for her now, right? There's lots of anonymous commenters in this section ("nonnies") who say lots of unkind things, so don't let them get you down. The word "nonconsent" sort of implies "this isn't going to be nice" so I'm not sure why they are so SHOCKED! I had the same reception to a couple of chapters of my first story too and I almost quit. Anyhow, I like his points of view a lot - that's what makes this story different from many. That's what makes us think there is hope for her. Really looking forward to reading more!

So fucking awesome! Please continue :)

I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes. I think you have a great start. I like that he's kind of reluctant to hurt her, it shows he could possibly be redeemed. Maybe? Maybe not? Though that was a very harsh act to come back from. Very intriguing first chapter, great job :)

Love this story. sure its torture porn but like previous people have said this is the noncon section and you go into it expecting the worse. maybe if you would have warned people at the beginning that it would be rough to start. but it don't really matter i love this and can't wait for more

....

I know this was in the non-con section, but this level of horrendous physical abuse and brutal rape was just too much. For me it's not erotic, it's just sickening.

I know your male protagonist feels justified, but the fact that a grown man can think he is entitled to brutalise an innocent girl, because of her father's actions is monstrously pathetic. Please, please, please don't have the girl immediately absolve him because he has 'suffered' - I detest it when the heroine becomes a martyr and constantly make excuses for the appalling behaviour of the male hurting her. Yes, he’s been dealt a crappy hand and her father was responsible, but becoming an abusive rapist who plans on the torture and eventual murder of an innocent is unforgivable. If he hired people to find her, he would know she suffered from her father's hand too.

You write very well, but I truly cannot see how this pathetic excuse for a man can ever make amends for what he has done to Lexi. The physical and psychological harm he has done is devastating.

Nice story, very brutal, but I guess it makes sense him being so hurt and as it seems being abuse too.....he is conflicted as it should be...nice that for once rape is rape and not a story of the magic cock that gets the prime female character begging for more..your characters are cohesive and I hope they continue to make sense until the end .....to jennyb......you had problems with readers because you stared right and then your story turned into something incredibly dumb!!! Didn't make sense at all......and your story was not "non consent" untill the end because you turned your character into a some brain wash sex starved fuck up who was begging or it and you make it so she loves it, begs for it and feels happy! Is not NONCONSENT!!!! Your story was just a portrait of graphic BDSM and THAT is why you had negative feed back...your next story you did post it under BDSM and atracted the right audience and that is why you did better..... so stop proyecting dude, keep writing and don't bitch anymore.

It's a little brutal but that just makes it that much sweeter when the love shines through in the end. Keep writing. Your very good at it.

So I have an account on here but cannot remember user name or password. I read your story on my phone today and I want to tell you that you have gotten a great start. I want him to soften up, I want him to find out her father abused her. Something but I don't want him to turn into a soft blubbering p-whipped man. This is your clay I cannot wait to see where you take it!

but I've lived in Scotland all my life, and I've never heard of Braden as a man's name.

waaay to sadistic

This is nauseating and not at all erotic. Though it is powerful as it's been two days and I still feel sick thinking about, it was just violent. There's a reason this category is not called "rape".

I think people need to understand this is a series (hopefully) this isn't all to it! Of course it's going to get much hotter ;) but the author did a great job at setting up the story. Sexy will come later. I have a feeling it's going to be awesome <3

I enjoyed it very much, perhaps not in an arousing way, but it's a very intriguing story, which I will definitely watch out for. Oh and the "the connies", well, don't mind them. This is the noncon/reluctance department, so that's what should be expected. Good writing! Looking forward for the next one.

Trying to spell nonnies... Didn't work so well..

Can't wait to see how this progresses.

You know, ever since authors started writing romance in the non con section, readers get pissed when they read about rape in non con. WTF do they think non con is? They should go back to Disney princess series.

It's good to have variations in nonconsent. Rape/nonconsent isnt all fluffy and "omg I just accidentally orgasm..oh dear." If it were, this section would have been named "fluffy pseudo nonconsent." If you dont want to read more realistic, gritty, dark side of real rape/nonconsent, then dont read it. I just hate it when ppl go accusing authors of torture porn when not all rape has to end up in orgasm, unicorns, and rainbows. Who said that ALL nonconsent had to be fluffy and end up in an orgasm? I dont recall any moderators saying that. Nonconsent can be brutal and harsh and vice versa. All of these romances (which I do like dont get me wrong) has made ppl soft and romantics. Why cant we just embrace that stories can be different and not everything has to be all fluffy and cheesy pseudo rape (boring at times) in this category.

Keep it up since you've managed to have more comments than a lot of the longer series already...so you've obviously made us emotional..which just shows that your story is powerful. :)

for more.

Ignore the haters no one asks them to read any story.

Keep writing I for one wants to read how this ends.

He's taking his revenge on a girl who was nine at the time !! What a damn hero .I ma glad you didnt have her suddenly start to enoy it though .So false when that happens .Sadly no matter what happens from now on in ,his actions are unforgivable.

Just went back and read chapter 2 for info pertaining to chapter 3 and found errors! It has already been submitted but pending. If I go in and change it the approval process starts all over again. I'm leaving the mistakes.

Working on chapter 3, it is crazy long and this chapter will only consist of Dmitry and Lexi, the other characters will enter again later. Thanks for all the positive responses and helpful feedback. - Tatum

P.S.

I still hate my sentence structure!!! Help!!!

It was brutal but it was actually a nice change. Too often it is to lovey dovey too soon. I do hope the whole thing doesn't turn out to be this rough though, I am such a sucker for a happily ever after. Looking forward to chapter 2!!

I keep checking every day for more :-(

I had to read this after noting all the contention in the comments. You get a five, my dear, for being realistic. You know how many female characters in this section of Literotica get pulled around by their hair? You're one of the few authors who actually wrote about how it stung her scalp. Rape is gross and horrible. I like this section, though, for the stories of redemption (if possible) and/or survival.

And, yeah, in reference to a past comment, you CAN live through this kind of rape. :( A hospital, as that commenter noted, would be nice, though. I'm pretty sure you'll find things like this if you read about war crimes or prison life, and unfortunately, not all those victims receive prompt medical treatment. I also have a tiny bit of law enforcement training, and I remember a 911 recording of a woman screaming during an anal rape. She lived. (And no, he wasn't one of those considerate rapists who carries lube around just in case.)

Laaaastly, the author didn't write the rape scene erotically. That wasn't supposed to turn you on, so I think everyone who was grossed out (especially women readers) are all normal and healthy. The things to note, I think, are the sexual tension in the beginning and the hints of it in Dmitry's tumultuous brain.

*shrug* But what the hell do I know? Hehehe.

While the story line isn't "my thing," the writing is well done and brings readers in.

When you go from Dmitry point of view to alex's...don't put bullets. Put "alex's pov". It is hard to tell whose pov it is.

Also, watch out for bold words or phrases. Its not being emphasized so not necessary.

Also, don't let some critiques keep you down. Writing is a releases for some people, and because its not "my thing" others love it!

Keep up the good work

which is refreshing..no prettifying of the scenario, her pain is harrowing and very well described.

Can't wait to read more. xx

"You want pillow? You want me fluff your pillow?"

^^^ I completed that "Tommy Boy" reference in my head. Hehehehe (if that was, in fact what was going on).

Looking forward to reading chapter 2 when I get another free moment.

I think the raw language in this chapter does such a great job at portraying the nightmare she's involved in whether or not she saw it coming. The author isn't pulling punches and I have to say that's pretty awesome. The internal dialogue warring with his actions immediately makes me want more, totally devouring this whole series today.

Only thing I can say right now is crunch. Graphic and unapologetic and scary, makes me want to read the rest of the story

I have a hard time with stories that make a person pay the price for someone else's sins. She was not involved in anything that had to do with his, his father's or mother's pain...I don't like the ignorance or self-justification when the person being tormented is innocent of any wrong doing. With people today, I suppose that should make it more realistic.

i hate it. stopped reading after he punched her. bleh! can't believe I assaulted y eyes with this garbage. Innocent girl paying for someone else's crime with brutal putrid violence at that. This is not sexy or entertaining, ffs!

Oh mon Dieu, j'adore le début de cette histoire, même si elle est dure...

Ce n'est pas pour rien quelle est classée dans "Sans consentement" ^^

Merci et bonne continuation !

You use 'Lexi' too much. It ruins the flow of the sentences.

This isn't erotica its hard core rape! Since when did literotica alow this ?

When I joined Lit, I was informed, via the terms and services of this site, that the three no-nos that will not be accepted are; sex with animals (paranormal exempt) sex or sex acts with minors and absolutly NO act that depicts brutal rape with unnecessary violence in which the victim does not ultimately become coersed into a consensual act with the aggressor ( That's in my words , I'm just paraphrasing. )

So have I been mislead? Is there any reason why this piece of work got through the sensors? Someone please lmk.

If I am wrong than I apologize, not about saying your work is trash, let's face it even with out the rape it is still a god awful example of writers who hit publish with out taking time to read their own work. But I apologize for my assumption that Literotica was a step above the lolicon and snuff stories that brand other sites in a sleazy fear drenched coat that you can't wash off once you hit that upper right hand X.

So please can anyone shed some light on what the rules really are so I can direct my viewership accordingly.

Thank you,

Nathalie Abram

You answered your own question "... NO act ... in which the victim does not ultimately become coersed into a consensual act with the aggressor …” Ultimately is defined by Merriam-Webster.com as: “in the end; eventually.” We're not quite there yet, this is Chapter 1.

PMS or whatever your excuse, it's no reason for your rudeness. This author has put time and effort into this work, and put it out here for constructive criticism. Constructive criticism. There is nothing constructive in “... your work is trash, let's face it even with out the rape it is still a god awful example of writers who hit publish with out taking time to read their own work…” Or in the rest of your rant, for that matter.

Albeit wasn't very sincere but you offered an apology. You owe this author an apology, and Literotica as well.

And by the way, “...writers who hit publish with out taking time to read their own work…” shouldn't throw stones when they live in glass houses, e.g., coersed …

Enuff light?

she already lost her parents and is alone in this world how more can she pay?

that was the most brutal way to take virginity of a little girl

i would worship someone as pure and gentle virgin like lexi

but good people always have to suffer and bad people get away with almost no guilt

You cannot change point of view in a story, not even with two, You do it with several. That is not a trope that runs well with any reader. I hate it.

Brutal but poignant and realistic! The author may want to preface that the story has graphic violence/sex in future to avoid all the negative feedback re 'rape'.

Although I don't know why people are reading stories in the non con section if they have a problem with nonconsensual sex - aka 'rape'. WTF?! There is clearly an audience for non con so quit bitching and check the Romance category of the site!

The author has got some great character development going and has my interest!

this is greeeeeeeeat