All Comments on 'Tribute Tales: in Memoriam Alternate'

It is a giant leap to go from this "You and your may-she-rot-in-hell sister are both evil twins" to this "So now we are back together".

Other than that it was a very clever and compelling story.

Well written but just a tad too severe for my tastes. But the fruit did not fall far from the tree, I think the father should have been the one to kill the bastard.

Ahands0 it looks like the hubby was forced to be back together with the cheating twin wife because of the sons-not by hubbys choice.

IMHO the huby should have offed the cheating wife

...they gave ME grief for being too dark.

I am honored, and I enjoyed reading it. Just seeing the title in the new stories list was about the best start to a day I've had in some time.

SirT -It is I who feel honored you enjoyed the alt view of your fine story. Easy for me to act tall when I am standing on the shoulders of anothers work.

Thanks for your feedback.

I thought SirThopas's original was dark and effective - an original take on the twin (or triplet) playing around on the unsuspecting husband, moving in a direction no previous writer in the genre had thought of.

cpete's story is a seamless continuation that logically follows the original and is even darker. This is a little two chapter horror story. And it works.

That's pretty good writing, guys, from both of you. Perhaps you should become a tag team.

What the two of you have written together should not be limited to the Literotica pages but should be made into a major screenplay for a major big time movie release. It gave me chills. Both authors did excellent work and I hope to see more collaborations in the future.

Horror/thriller at its finest. Dark, dark, DARK. And the ending! "I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream"...

Although I prefer SirThopas' darker ending, this one also gives me chill. I like them both, kudos to both authors.

At least he's out of his misery ... having to share bed and board with guilt ridden , weepy sister in law in tandem with lethal nephew who snuffed his wife . Did he game ' the system' by playing with narrator's wife. Yes. Come on though: it wasn't at his behest and anyone but anyone of you who has ever twitched ' down there' watching a doublemint commercial might have well been in his place. Just sayin ' 'for TWINS dude : the lines get a little blurry.

you monster!!! what have you done??? the original story was perfect.... you've ruined it!!!! its horrible!!!

sean j. carmichael....

I usually only comment on really rotten tomatoes that take themselves way too seriously (like where some guy screws the bosses' wife and then the boss gives him raises and promotions and takes her back after he 'understands' the wife's emotional problems, YUCK). But this may be the best story I've read on this site! Crazy kid even got the first woman in the shower just like Norman Bates did!

But I liked it. It a strange consequence to have a child so messed up when his mother decides to screw her step brother.

You took a tragedy and turned it into a joke. The writing is good, imaginative, but sorely lacking in compassion.

Was it his biological son . . . or maybe, knowingly or not, but just maybe the boy was John's child after a "sister swap" went too far? Not likely, but another possible twist in a very, very dark road. Congratulations to BOTH authors!

...but you made it interesting, and came up with a semi-plausible reason for her getting in ridiculously deep with the bro-in-law.

I think that between the 2 authors they did a very masterful job. Professional quality.

However there is a part 3. In later years, the parents leave and Change their names. To escape the stigma, they move to California and open a small business which is modestly successful. The father however dies under strange circumstances forcing mother and son to pick up the slack.

But, at last inquiry, the Bates Motel was doing just fine, thank you.

Excellent work!

Chagrined.

Turning the kid into a killer? Very bad move and wrong in so many ways there are not enough letters in the Alphabet to express

I liked the original and I thought it bold of you to go in this direction.

But you left out what I consider the most critical part: what is their relationship? There are locks on the bedroom, but are the two rather nasty parents sharing one?

Yes, they need to watch the kid, but as room mates or as parents?

And blackmail makes for a very...challenging relationship.

I liked it and you seemed to keep the voice of the original, but I wanted more about the two of them.

It all most feels like one author did both parts. Your people were serious so we should be horrified. Could this happen? The question,of course, is irrelevant. But if you were on a jury where the prosecutor was selling this tale.....??

your take on this story was excellent...write more

Oh man, I wish I was clever enough to take an existing story or theme and make it as exciting, as thrilling as you did with this story. The origianal story was sick...you, cpete made it wonderfully FILTHY. Just brilliant...thank you!

Original was too good to follow-up with anything this contrived. Might be decent standing alone but pales in comparison to SirThopas

and who ends up with whom. TK U MLJ LV NV

"However our bedroom door locks from the inside" Don't bedroom doors already lock that way in most places?

until sleep beckons. TK U MLJ LV NV

After reading this again, I'm not as impressed. All I see are two cheating whore wives who fucked up everyone's life. Poor kid.

You out did yourself my friend this is a great piece of writing to me it is the best you have written. Thanks for sharing.

Lovely story from the concept point of view. We often talk about a need to read something different. The concept of this (by Sir thopas) was truly different and one that makes for a great read.

I would like to know if there are any other alternate endings to this great tale, would love to read them all. Do let me know if there are. Thank you.

Great story, great writing - awful tragedy. It is terrible to see the damage done to children by their parents - cheaters and the otherwise selfish. Those that come from homes broken by cheating never seem to do well. In my lifetime, I have seen kids turn to drugs, become severely emotionally disturbed, slide into apathy, and even commit suicide. What these selfish people do not seem to realize is that they are cheating on their whole family and even their friends when they do not keep their vows. These cheaters start down a road that it is very hard to backtrack on. Would you trust a person who betrayed their wife, children, family? I wouldn't and I don't. I have found them to be untrustworthy in practice. Thus they become doomed by their own reputation.

Truly remarkable! A tragedy in which every single character selects badly every time he/she is faced with a moral choice.

But this was too much. Sometimes its best to leave others work alone and this is such a time.

Never followup a superior author, this is like a retarded mime following a Springsteen performance - ask the Mods if they can remove this travesty and save yourself some embarrassment....

Great followup.

Crap followup, stick to your own stuff because compared to SirThopas you are a rank amateur, a little boy trying to play in the big leagues. Idiotic and infantile, in the future, do not write after suffering massive head trauma.

The big twist fits really well in SirThpas's story and does a worthy version.

What is lacking in both stories is a pleasant end

cantbuyaclue - figures he would like this dogcrap since it scored about the same as his latest 21pg opus - 3 point something - dirty closet cuckold shitting all over the forums, total fucking loser.

Hard to match the strength of the original. Four stars.

I usually love your work on here. This one, wasn't horrible, but taking her back at the end after THAT kind of betrayal shouldn't have even been an option... And the kid is growing into a sociopath who can plan and kill someone to make it look like an accident in less than 12 hours. You can blame Wifey and Asshole and... OTHER Wifey for that, more than anything.

3 Stars, but only because it's well written as usual. The plotline wasn't up to your normally high standards, though.

with how you wrote this one.

Why do you think the child is a sociopath? It wasn't his father's influence, that's for sure. It was ALL the mom. Her every action screwed up the child even more. And you write that this psychopath of a woman gets to be a permanent influence on him? Better buy the body bags in bulk, because she is grooming a serial killer! She should not be allowed contact with ANY human being, let alone a child!

A better ending would have been if SHE killed John, as Chris had asked, then have Chris take the kid and walk away, leaving her with nothing, and no one.

The traditional punishment for adultery is death. William was simply enforcing his human right for justice. Adultery is not just a crime against a spouse or even a family, it is a crime against society in that people who are so depraved that their own spouse cannot trust them are completely untrustworthy for the rest of us. So, little William demanded justice and he got it. Why fear him? On the other hand why bother living with Andrea? Walk away from the nasty bitch. Leave her with her little killer.

It's the only way it could have turned out isn't it?

The ending seamed rushed and very damaging to the boy the mom was and is a nutty bitch and shouldn't be within 100 miles of that boy as was stated by another reviewer she is the root cause of all his problems.the husband should have walked away anyway and told her to call the cops she couldn't see the kid at all while shes in jail I think he caved and is in more danger from her then his son.

This story needs a final chapter that shows that it is okay for William to kill slut wife mothers.

Now that, Would be a dark, but happy ending at the same time.

A frightening tale about children growing around a cheating (all kinds of cheating) parent.And to think that its bad neighbourhood that breeds criminals.

Literally nothing wrong. Illegal, perhaps. But morally? Nope. Can't see it.

The question is, would the child have become psychotic under different circumstances? The mother, aunt and uncle were despicable cheating assholes. The father was just a regular guy who loved his family. In the end he was forced to take back his lying whore wife and pray his son gets the help he needs to return to a normal life.

The willful obtuseness that our hero showed after being told his son was the killer was grating in it's hackyness. It may be that it feels worse as this is otherwise an original and gripping second half to In Memoriam. Even better since the original is a riff on a beloved cliche.

Now THAT was strange!

He got back together with his wife??? The kid should off them both before they reproduce again. I have never seen two bigger idiots in my life. Hopefully the kid figures out how to pick the door lock and take care of the problem. Maybe a carbon monoxide 'incident' will do the trick. 1* because there's none lower.

Still love it.

Ever see an avalanche? A pebble falls...and then two...and then three and then a mountain village vanishes from sight.

Did the pebble thrower WANT to destroy a town? Did a man driving a car slightly inattentively WANT to kill a kid on a bike?

There are foreseen consequences of actions and unforeseen. A cheating wife can expect divorce. Her children hating her. Maybe even being shot in a hotel room. These are easily foreseeable. She owns the consequences of these moral choices because she is forewarned about them.

If a kid throws a pebble and destroys a mountain village...is that kid liable in a morally foreseeable way? Is the wife responsible that her son turns into Hannibal Lechter?

How many kids were exposed to adultery, to the death of an adult and did NOT turn into Hannibal Lechter?

So for those who are trying to pin the sociopathy of the boy on the mom. Yes, a lead to b, lead to c, lead to Hannibal Lechter.

Did anyone SEE that path coming up as natural? No.

So I am diffident at pinning this crime on the mom. She was appalled at what happened and correctly so. This shows she is NOT a psychopath. She was a person with some bad character which snowballed.

From the original –

“You, far more than him. You're still the love of my life. He knows that.” – That’s so much bullshit! If she loved him “far” more than John, than how could she leave him and let him believe that his wife was dead?

From this part –

“If I go to the police -your telling me to kill John and our son William acting on that demand will get you in as much trouble as me." – I’m not so sure. First, she has to PROVE that he told her to kill John and that William acted on it. Second, his making that kind of an outrageous demand would probably just be looked at as anger and frustration talking, not a real solicitation of murder, while she still has her adultery, identity and insurance fraud, and her initial cover-up of John’s murder.

I was completely gobsmacked at your introduction to this story.

I followed your advice and read the original.

That you called it "outstanding" shocked me.

That piece of shit low life douchebag excuse of a "father" made me sick.

I don't give a shit how much "pain" you are in, you do NOT abandon your child. You man up, live with grief, and you raise your son! Remember, neither knew the andrea/amy fiasco (supposedly, at least in the original). No this was a cowardly pussy who shares equal blame with the sociopathic cheating cunt.

I usually like your stories, but you did nothing for the original, in fact just compounded the disgusting behaviour.

Minus 11 score for the original. Minus 2 for this idiotic "tribute"

I preferred this ending a bit. That's because I prefer people understanding, taking responsibility for, and, if necessary, living with the consequences of their bad decisions. I also believe people can change, and grow. When authors have the transgressor die, commit suicide, or go crazy, it sort of like letting the character off the hook. This was quite the horror tale . . . well done! Sir T's original was really good too. It was dark, and I loved Part one especially. Good jobs, both of you !!!

Not great but better

Plot line too full of holes. Biggest hole: no way she can get police to believe he asked her to kill her lover, not after how she made the boy lie about his aunt's death and kept him living the lie for two years. He could easily deny it and get away with it. The boy would make a poor corroborating witness.

Too perfect? Like so many on this site you have an unhealthy love affair with the past perfect tense. You use it when the past tense is appropriate: "if you would have" when "if you had" is better. A halfway educated editor can help with this.

It worked very well.

Certainly the kid is a lost cause and belongs in jail for the rest of his life. Andrea belongs in jail too. Dad should have hired an attorney for himself and turned the kid and Andrea into the cops. At least he might have been able to sleep at night. As you left this mess, it's a tossup whether he has more to fear from his son or Andrea. Probably Andrea because she's sleeping in the same room. How DOES he sleep at night? Cold, ugly, convoluted tale of treachery and murder.

When I read the original story, I thought of Bette Davis’ “Dead Ringer” (1964). Alfred Hitchcock or Rod Serling would have appreciated cpete’s ending. Brian DePalma or John Carpenter might like it, too. I sure did, and have recommended it to poeple who don't read LitRot.

For those not familiar with it, The FIRST rock opera was “Tommy” by The WHO. It remains one of the most awesome recordings I have ever heard. It was about a young English boy whose father went MIA in WWI. His mother eventually took a lover. One night the father reappeared and was killed by the lover. Tommy witnessed it. From the track “1921”…

You didn't hear it

You didn't see it

You never heard it, not a word of it

You won't say nothing to no-one

Never tell a soul

What you know is the Truth

Tommy becomes deaf, dumb, and blind.

Poor William!

I didn’t like this ending. Seems like kind of a cheap trick, turning the kid into a sociopath. I realize that it’s just fiction, but still, the only logical thing to do would have been to call the police as soon as he figured out that it was his wife’s twin sister who had died in the bath, and that his wife was trying to pull a fast one. If anything, she was the sociopath.

Amy, John and Andrea wrecked William's and his Dad's world. William is removing the malignant tumors. Andrea is desperate to get William psychological help because she knows that she is next! The three will not enjoy enjoy hell because, while three ways are encouraged, the hell of it is, orgasms don't exist there! Meanwhile William sleeps peacefully.

I didn’t really like this ending either, but I will say it is 100% better than the ending supplied by the original author. Or maybe I should say “non-ending”.

That was a rough ending . Those twins from hell really messed William up. Not sorry about John though, and someday Will may finish cleaning up the mess.

I want to change my name to Dexter!

That web sure was tangled, but William/Dexter saw the simple way to cut right through it.

I've read some ridiculous shit in my time, in order to have a forced reconciliation, but making the young child become a serial killer in order to justify it? That's not bottom of the barrel, it's the slime on the underside of it!

The original ending was much better. It inflicted the least amount of harm to the son and husband. John and Amy both died, and Andrea ended up in the nuthouse, but they were the antagonists of the story and inflicted all the pain on the innocent husband.

This one fucks up the son, lets the cheating wife reconcile, and leaves the husband in a nightmarish purgatory!

The premise in this one, and the original, was quite novel. But the implementation made my blood run cold. Both stories are well written, but neither was my cup of tea. I particularly hated making the son a psychopath.

Enjoyed against my normal self

Well written

Liked the Dexter /William comment

Reading again. This is unlike anything that I have read in LW. Everyone dies trying to cover for cheating wife. Son turns into serial killer to save family. Why not kill the guilty one. Andrea gets to live, and that ruins the story.

Friend of mines wife cheated.

They had 3 school age kids.

When she left her husband and kids saying she loved him but wasnt in love with him it broke them.

They are adults now. None have been able to maintain a relationship.

At least 2 say they would never trust a woman enough to get married.

The daughter is, well slutty.

So when a wife cheats she does damage to her kids also, sometimes permanently.

We really need to bring back penalties for cheating. Lack of consequences are destroying families.

There is NO WAY I would ever take the cheating slut back!!! Let William work his magic on dear old Mom!!! Not a fan of reconciling at any cost...

Eh, I'd have gone straight to the cops and told them everything, screw the kid and screw that whore

Creative. A twist on a twist. Well written. Both are doomed to a life together with no affection only fear of what their son may become. Ouch!

Posted by the original author. Kinda preferred it to this one as this ending is unresolved.

Nice alternate direction, but it does feel like it's hanging in an awkward place by the time we're done. Maybe that's to be expected, but Chris could have used some closure after the nightmare he's been through instead of just going straight to the next chapter.

Weak

Very clever, both the original story and this alternate ending. The father conspired with his horrible wife to hide everything, and as a result, is doomed to live out William's childhood with the one woman he hates the most.

Next time we see William will be on Criminal Minds.

Too convoluted. Twists and turns I like but..... Fantasy.

I think Chris is in the clear, but Mommy best not turn her back on little Willie..

Second read after seven years. SirThopas' tale was too dark. Once he set the parameter at the death of John as a necessity for reconciliation, only darker resolutions were possible. Andrea's psychotic breakdown was the more plausible death resolution. (see: Tribute Tales: O Tempora, O Mores by SirTropas)

I must admit that your Alternate was every bit as original, however. The only escape for Craig was to turn and walk away after confronting Andrea in the yard.

Huh

I haven't read the original- yet, but plan to. Your story was a continued shocker. Once I thought where the story's going, it changed, which's the result of a good writer. I can't say I loved the story though I immensely liked it. Between that, the writing & story line, 5 stars. -- Bob

Deliciously devious and demented. Bravo.

Great! So much better than the sequel by Sir Thopas. Still, a very dark tale. Asking the wife to kill her fake husband was over the top anyway. Maybe there is a third chapter for Halloween?

Mfj

The dad missed a great opportunity here. He should have told his son that his mom was going to betray the family AGAIN, and they could get rid of her together. Then raise the boy to become a serial killer of adulterers. Society improves, and everyone who matters wins!

ZK

What a sad and enlightening tale.

Makes me wish all adulterers suffered similar fates.

This wife does not deserve to live…3 years max until she will be committed to a facility for the criminally insane; confidence is high that our hero will stand by while she goes mad. But first, get,her a 5 million dollar life insurance policy ASAP.

Husband derives much more than a partnerless life while caregiving for a very sick child.

Or perhaps death to all players will suffice, hubby may then look down upon all of them from above.

Very creative, dark, and twisted. Both sisters were pure evil. Not sur why her thrat at the end actually had any teeth. She would lose the kid automatically with what she disclosed. She woukd not bbetray her son about the murders. There is no way to tie her husband to either murder. She oueld not dare even imply her twins death wad murder or anything other than an accident. Her threat just puts her in jail. He is better off trying yo get his son help without her. By her actions and lies, she maimed her son and there is no way she can be trusted to be a key part of the healing process, if at all possible. Let her burn herself and move on. Ultimately a toothless threat.

Time to get out of Dodge and move to another country alone.

Anonymous12 months ago

The dad missed a great opportunity here. He should have told his son that his mom was going to betray the family AGAIN, and they could get rid of her together. Then raise the boy to become a serial killer of adulterers. Society improves, and everyone who matters wins!

ZK

Nada más que agregar jajaja

This made no sense. Original followup was soon much better. Andrea's threat at the end had no power over Chris and his decision. Ok William as a psychopath was a twist but still he coukd have just up and left either with or without William. He could tell William that his mother was going to the police and he had to save him. Or he coukd just let her follow through on her threat and she foes to jail. Even if she could prove she is really Andrea, which without fingerprints or dental records, she probably cannot. Lie detector test won't carry any weight here. She probably gets committed to a psych ward. How does that help William? Hoe does it convince Chris to take her along as "backup"? The original followup by SirThopas was a freaking masterpiece of a psychological thriller.