All Comments on 'Turnaround Is Fair Play Ch. 06'

This is the way it should be .She got what she wanted and Rusty got a wife that loved and respects him. It is fair to me.

This is the way it should be .She got what she wanted and Rusty got a wife that loved and respects him. It is fair to me.

The story would be much better if you would edit your work or better yet let someone else edit it. Your 9th grade English teacher would have flunked you even without the porn part.

Oh boy, I'm gonna give this a 3 because the story was badly affected by the writing/editing.

You even get the characters mixed up.

As to the ending, the basic plot is good, about what most people expected or were hoping for. But the sudden switch (ML and Bill were planning it all along) was badly executed IMO. Why give the thoughts/POV of the wife when they are simply not true? You should have written it from the POV of the husband.

I think you had a great idea but couldn't quite make it work. Better editing and layout would have improved this story considerably.

Still, a good effort but could have been great

I had dreamed of this very outcome, except I never felt Rusty would go off with an exwhore. I agree with others that editing would have helped out greatly. The POV did get convoluted on occasion and the epilog at the end telling that ML and Bill had been together for 2 years prior to the trip did not jell with previous parts of the story. I wish I could give it a 100 but, as with most writers here, an editor is a must.

from one chapter to the next what he said in the previous chapter. Go back to doing what you used to before your attempts at writing. you can't even keep the characters straight with what they are doing, and how they were in the story line. Bill and ML hadn't seen each other in 10 years, and the Island vacation was the first time they had screwed. Then at the end they had been fucking for years. Come on pal, study your notes and guidelines before you type a new chapter.

Bad writing, worse editing, and a story that was idioyic to say the least. The hero going off with an ex-hooker . DUMB

Poor premise, no character continuation, (their motives, pesonalities and reactions changed with the wind -- unless they all had a personality disorder, utterly unbelievable). Editing - zero. Spelling - zero Logical plot progression -10

I think the story overall is good. The charactors change too much. I ML she seemed to be a real person in the begining and then changed so much. Then Rusty who was so jealous and hated Bill lets him in on a threeway. Come on! I did like the story over all just next time think out the story all the way so you have better continuity.

Having someone like her for a wife/partner, is like living with a viper, disguised as a human being. She sucks! The characters got all convoluted and mishmashed in such a way I had to reread some sections. Get help with the editing. ! I would've liked something really bad to happen to ML. She's a miserable person. She sucks!

Now thaking the story as a whole I loved it, the ending was great and in the final chapter the writter gave us insite into why the characters acted they did. There was a lot implied but shown in the last chapter about ML and Rusty's actions.. ML got all she deserved, and even to the end Rusty was always fair with her... Hope to see more stories like this one with a little more grammer work in it.

She actually had an affair with Bill years ago?????

WTF with all that guilt, thinking, saying all that BS that it was wrong to cheat on Rusty, and only fucking Bill in the hotel just to get it out of her system?????????? WHEN SHE ACTUALLY ALREADY HAD SEX WITH HIM BEFORE???

Other than that, liked the ending. ML was left alone, with a job an a child to take care of. It clearly showed Bill just wanted a woman to fuck, not a wife... LOL!

the whole story, everything in it, can be summarized in the a couple short paragraphs:

Rusty's having a delimma, as he truly loved his beautiful whoring wife, who had a kid by her lover Billy, who still fucked him (thinking Rusty didn't know, even after the kid came), always wanting two cocks in her at the same time. Rusty met up with an ex-girl friend who's another whore by the name of Gale who's made it big and was now owner to several properties all over America, plus running her own detective angency, which had been following ML the mother whore, for "4 months," and had many pictures of her and Bill doing things Rusty won't wanna see!

Oh, my lord, please!! LOL

Rusty brought in eager Gale (this is the "turnaround" part?, I guess), and did a 3-way thing with ML, who had her vagina reamed silly but who still wished for her Bill's big 12-inch cock.

Rusty surprised ML by packing up quietly and going away with Gale, the ex-whore,,, going away with big tears rolling down his cheeks because Rusty loved ML so!,,, it broke his heart that he had to leave his beloved beautiful whoring wife, ML, behind with Bill's baby, whom Rusty came to love like his own!

Rusty shed tears all the way to Florida with Gale the professional whore who didn't need to whore no more AND married her in an fancy ceremony --- while ML was being fucked to oblivion by her lover Billy, for about a year, AFTER which he split, saying he couldn't deal with a little kid and ML, so she had to work full time to support the kid, without Bill's big cock that used to stretch her so good. Oh, lord, was she missing that big cock, as she worked from dawn to dusk, minimum wage, to pay the rent and put food on the table for Baby and herself.

Gosh, beautiful ML missed Rusty's big heart, his money, but she missed Bill's cock more!

THE WHOLE STORY is so freakin' stupid it is actually funny! lol

about a lousy story that was poorly thought out,followed no earlier character descriptions, or story line, edited by perhaps a failing third grader, and written by someone who obviously cannot even use the automatic portions of "MS Word", on phrase suggestions and spellcheck.

I really would like to see a well done version of this story by someone like Patricia51, the Troubador, E.Z. Riter, or others who could develop the characters, stick with those earlier descriptions of each character, and have an outline of where the story is heading from one chapter, or even paragraph, to the next.

I am sure it would be a decent read. This one lost credibility after the sex on the vacation.

Gary

the plot of this story is a great one. and the first couple of chapters were entertaining ( if unpopular, if i recall! lol).but then you lose it. the editing becomes bad or stops altogether,and the plot becomes very inconsistant.what was held true in the beginning was changed in the end. Rusty went from wimpy to cold blooded and ML from from sweet,loving,caring to cold hearted bitch, both without much clarification. i realize some of witch i said was in fact covered in last part,but, except for the detailed description of the sexual activity,the last part sounded more like a synopsis than a telling of a story.

did you alter/change the ending based on the heavy critisism received after posting the first two parts?

don

The people you gave us in your first chapter were very little to nothing like those in your second chapter. And those you gave us in the second chapter weren't the ones in the first or any other chapter. And so went each chapter. You either didn't know who you were writing about or forgot from one chapter to another. What YOU told us was TRUE and which we relied on to picture the story was a complete lie.

In other words this story is a confused mess. You may have had some idea where you were going when you started this story. However, I doubt it. If you had you would have given your readers clear cut characters and consistent beliefs and actions.

This is as schizophrenic a story as I have ever heard of, much less actually read. It may have been an interesting plot, but you never followed it.

You might try charting what the characters in each chapter were like, believed in and the way they acted. Then compare them. You will be ashamed at what you did.

I think you did the best you could at this time - I hope you improve or get a good co-author

The only thing I would have liked to see would be at the end when Bill left ML and moved on, that she couldn't find a Job to support baby billy and had to go to work for Gale as a whore. Gale said she could make lot of money, Rusty and his new wife could pimp out his ex.... Now that getting even

Most of the inconsistency, author lying to us has been covered. Nobody mentioned that he saw Gale for the first time in years at the bank last week but that she has been following ML for 4 months. I think it perfectly represents the pick a character, any character kind of writing.

There's an old cliche, "it's not nice to fool mother nature". The same might be said of writers who develop all knids of new facts and characters in the last half of chapter 6 that contradict what happened in chapters 5 and a half. e.g. Gale appears from out of the blue and is a wealthy head of a chain of hookers and apparently a private detective who has been watching Ml for months, now we hear that Ml and Bill have been fucking for a couple of years prior to vacation trip -- deceiving readers is not nice as you may have gathered from previous comments. You write some great erotic sex scenes , but your plot development is erratic rather than erotic. Started out well and went downhill from then on. the Ct. Yankee

YOU DID A GOOD JOB WRITING THIS STORY.I THINK YOU WERE FAIR TO THE WIFE AND THE HUBBY.AT THE START THE WIFE GOT OVER ON THE HUBBY,IN THE END THE HUBBY WON OUT WITH A HEAVY PRICE BECAUSE HE LOVE AND LOST HIS WIFE.

My comments are about we readers. I read the story, it was

pretty good. Did it have mistakes?? Well...duh..don't all

of the stories have some errors? Mine would if I had the

ability to write like these people do.

Take a step back and read your comments again..some of these

are borderline vicious. How about a modicum of civility

here?

If nothing else, these writers usually spend many hours

writing, reading their work and re-writing it for us. Then

an editor takes a shot at it. They don't get paid for this

stuff folks...we should be thanking them, or criticizing in

private msgs. I have personally told several writers I don't like wimp husband stories, and I have asked them to

define their stories going in....This is a cuckold, or wimp

hubby story...then I don't waste my time reading it, and

they don't get a "one" score from me....we both benefit.

And yes, I know I write "run on" sentences when I get emotional.

GIVE THESE WRITERS A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you can't play nice, get an inflatable or something with

a similar IQ to your own.

Rant over...have a nice day (trying to rally for a few PC

points...give ME a break) -- AND if you say nasty things

about me, I will send Hillary over to smack your ding dongs

around.

THIS IS WITHOUT DOUBT ONE OF THE BEST IF NOTT THE BEST STORY ON THIS SITE. WY HUSBAND & I LOVED IT.

BILL & RITA

it was alright at least the hubby wasnt a wimp for long. I wanna see a sequel where ex wifey see ex hubby with new wifey

There is no consistency in the characters between chapters.

Liked the sex, but the story was ruined by too many personalities and story lines. Everytime we got another chapter you changed the story. You destroyed all attachment for the characters we might have felt.

again, great sex... ur story terribly sucks.... in every possible way... but, it does give hardons like a very good hard core XXX....

hey, i haven't commented on any of ur stories before.... beacause, i thought i should take time and read ur stories with carefull attention... which i believe i did... first of all, let me say that - u r not a good erotica writer, not even close, erotica is of passions and events which dwell with love and desire ... u haven't showed that sign in any genre... better to suffice, u r a very good pornstory writer, where morals are necessarily absent and lack of human sanity is essential.. ur sex scenes are good, probably great... u have surpassed many in that area... but, emotions and events that led us to those scenes eventually make a reader almost nonplussed and a bit annoyed... i should particularly talk on ur Loving Wives stories... u see, all of these stories have same patterns... big cock, sudden sluttish attitude and heartbreak of a purely gentle and innocent male... don't u think if anyone knows that he or she can't stay true or they are not just of faithful type, then they shouldn't have chosen the path of relationship or marriage? if any one, like female characters, likes just to fuck and get orgasms, then let be it.... why bother with marriage or something? if that's what they want, give them that chance... i just don't understand, why they marry? ur female characters ceratinly have the greatest sexual appetites and they would like to meet that by getting big, bigger and biggest cocks ..... and, the most upsetting fact with ur writing is - u have tried to justified that... well, if u r singly, do whatever u want, go for 15" black cocks... but, why u do that in a marriage? that's why ur characters are insane like u.... never try to justify that.. u r preaching slut behaviour.... that's not just good... however, who am i to tell these? it's just that when i see people are voting quite generously for ur stories, i get a bit hurt that how can people support things like u advocated.... in literotica, i am particularly happy to see that almost 99% readers are against cheating and they are at it very firmly which assures that themes u profess are yet far off to come to reality....

if u r a male, then, ur pattern tells us that u got this treatment urself from someone u loved and now trying to create that vile character with contempt which we feel too to those characters...

and, if u r a female, which is a big possibility, u urself betrayed someone for a bigger dick... and, u, pathetically, tried to justify some of it, the betrayal.... the orgasmic bliss and better sex turned to have priority over a marriage that the female character chose previously... it's again a shame that in ur stories, female characters are nothing but pieces of meats... always wanting to mate and breed with a better specimen of the opposite sex... and that's why, when ur female characters utter the words 'i love u' or 'love', it is pretty evidient to the readers of my like, that she loves bigger cock and more and more intercourse.. the concept of love in ur storeis is quite bizzare to me and frankly unusual... oh, if u mean, physical love, then, i understand... but, otherwise, my head hurts....

and cheated husbands were portrayed poorly... husbands with small dicks and warmth of a good person.... have u done it intentionally to hurt guys? because, no man really is a wimp... a person may have a beautiful wife, if she cheats.. that shows her character... and, who doesn't know, however great a person's physical attraction can be, if u want to be with that person, he or she has to have good and great characteristics too... beauty doesn't always feed...

however, u and another almost insance Loving Wives writer vastiesmith are quite similar.. even ur and her location in ur biographies are identical.... u both have quite evidently shown us that yes there are really beautiful (outwardly women out there who are full of sexual desire and that only.... u two have shown that women are pieces of meat only... with no heartfelt warmth, true feelings... perhaps i am wasting these... u know, from ur writngs, i have come to realize that there are people who relate to the word Love completely in the physical sort of way... and, a whorish sort of way of course...

pls, do read Mused or Bob Clark Jr. or VetigoJ or haremgirl's stories.. then, u may improve some... the first three dealt with incest... but there also lies the greatness of human mind, how much we are capable of loving the people we care for... do read....

i am earnestly hoping a reply... if u feel upto it... but, pls try to feel the fact that sex is just a part of life, not the core... with ur talent, u could produce great stories.... which i hope u would someday.... and, don't degrade woman that much... most of the woman and man for that matter don't love because of cock size or tit size.... love is something u can't explain...

if i have talked too much, pardon me.... but, ur stories do tend to make people believe that u r insane... hopelessly...

and, last but not the least, human beings are vindictive, the way ur female cheaters get away is quite unbelievable... things really don't happen like that.. measures are always taken.... i suppose it has to do with u again... u urself perhaps got away with it....

bye...

thelonewalker@literotica.com

Loved your story. You haven't posted anything for two years. Post some.

the games played by wife and bill came to an end. husband played it out, a bit too long perhaps; but it all worked out for him.

esp for wife to find she was silly and paid the price.

well, you said you were a sicko asswipe and you are asswipe.

Spellcheck. Use the right words. Very confusing at times, i.e. Bill, ML, Rusty. Try snorting less coke and slow down spaz.

I understand this story is about sex. You seem to have done a better job writing about the sounds ML was making than anything else.

I hate epilogs that don't even follow the storyline and act like a seperate story. If MJ and Billy had been having this affair for 8 years what sense does the conversation between the two of them make? It makes no sense at all, if it was just the two of them without anyone else around why carry on the charade? The epilog is pure c rap and doesn't go with the story.

Learn the difference between "to" (indicating direction) and "too" (meaning also or including). You keep using them incorrectly. Also, you keep changing the names around and it makes it difficult to keep track of who is doing what to whom.

Fuck ML, that cheating bitch. Soon she will have the baby alone, Bill did not help. Soon Bill will be out of the picture and she will have to work full time the rest of her life. Maybe she can find another sucker. I hope she misses Rusty. The last chapter was good. Thank you for writing.

In the first chapter you had ML wondering how it would have been if she had fucked Bill before she was married to Rusty since they came so close. (As though they had not seen each other in the last ten years.) Then in the last chapter you revealed that she had fucked him often for two years before they met at this hotel, that they had arranged for the meeting. That is unfair to the readers, you should not do that.

Your stories are often great in the beginning till the middle and then WHAM, they end so badly in terms of consistency. All the characters just change personalities and nothing makes sense anymore.

For that, I have to give you 1 star because a decent ending is VERY important to me.

You have violated the most fundamental rules of the road of writing - you've lied to your audience. Your ending defines bullshit. And then on top of it all - you can't spell, you don't know shit about grammar. But hey, this is Literotica, I got what I paid for.

While parts of the writing seemed like there was some thought put to them, the structure and spelling were so randomly bad, that it felt like I was watching a literary (and possibly literal) train wreck happen and I couldn't look away.

Either there is some English as a second language issue or this story was converted to English with a very early google translate extension.

I loved the ending. For once, the one time cockold got his revenge on his lying, cheating bitch wife. Often these stories leave me angry, but even though we now know how long she had been cheating on her husband, in the end she paid the price. Good story telling good attention to detail.

I don't know whether the writer bothered to reread the earlier parts of the story before writing the last chapter and epilogue, but, if he did, how could he not be aware that the ending (i.e. revealing that ML and Bill had been having a ongoing sexual relationship for years and that they had arrange to meet at the hotel during her and Rusty's anniversary) with the earlier parts of the story where ML's seduction was based on them having unfinished business - i.e. they never quite managed to have full penetration sex when they were teenage lovers and hadn't seen each other for ten years - facts that they repeated when they were alone together and didn't need to lie.

Sorry. Nice idea but descended into absurdity.

LA

Littered with spelling and grammatical mistakes and the plot lurches from the scarcely believable to the totally absurd. Not good.

LA

That took a while to die a slow useless death. Good riddance.

Predictable cuckarama

but that wife was such a manipulative cunt, she really shouldn't be breeding.

and i'm shocked her asshole lover never got an ass whooping.

i mean, you foreshadowed it more than once in chapter one...but it fizzled into nothing.

.....on this site.. u are incoherent in your thought..u spew lots of bullshit.. and worst is that u don’t remain true to your own characters.. what u say in chapt 1 is totally at odds with the last chapter... as if different writers have independently written each chapter and each has no clue what was written in the previous chapter...so a pathetic writer u are.. a total waste of space on the net!!

ML saw Bill after "about two years" and then was having sex for two years, but Bill she and Bill set up the island vacation scheme... but it was for their 10th anniversary. Where's the other six years?

well, the ending doesn't fit with the rest. If Bill and ML had been fucking for 6 years and planned the meeting at the hotel, the dialogues don't fit in.