by scouries
What happened to Vanessa? Also things moved along to fast and the scenario really wasn't suited for such a short story. It started off good then felt rushed after the first page. Rushing the story is the worst thing to can do.
A good premis, it did seem rushed at times, maybe should have been spread over 2 chapters - but a good one anyway.
A rushed ending hurt a good start i mean did talk to his dad and how did it go if he did you acted like you were in a hurry to finish that you just ended it suddenly
Three times the women, three times the pleasure, but three times the headache. Good luck with that. An amusing and hot tale in any case.