All Comments on 'Tyler and Candace'

It was difficult to read this story and I had to stop mid way...ever heard of quotes!!!???!

Has potential but you need an editor!

While the story may be a good story the delivery leave much to be desired. There should be seperate paragraphs with qoutations around the words spoken by the characters. There are run on sentences that should not be. It just seems like a bunch of rambling with no real evidence of well thought out and presented story. I encourage you to edit or have someone else edit your work before you post. If you want to write for others to enjoy your work, you need to make sure you are putting forth your best work and it should edited and polished so your audience can follow what you have written. Don't take this constructive observation as a bash because its not. I just think that your potential is great and I want you to live up to your potential. Don't do anything half way, do it right or not at all. Good Luck with future stories.

I wanted to give you a higher score, but this was too much for me to read through. Please try to get an editor before you submit another story. Your sentences are run-on and there is definite place for one person starts to talk and another one stops. This is very jumbled.

You really need to edit.It becomes hard to follow your story when you dont have proper punctuation or grammar.

is a good editor.

I agree with the other commentators that you need some major editing help. For starters, when you are writing that a person is speaking, you need to put the phrase that is being spoken in quotation marks. For example, "Mommy, I'm hungry!" the little boy whined to his mother.

(new line here)

"Give me a few more minutes buddy and I'll make you some breakfast," his mother replied.

Having it typed out like that will make it a much easier read. You have a good idea, that much is clear, but you need to make it easier to read and make it flow better. Good luck.

Ashira

This is just too hard to follow. POV shifts, tense shifts, no punctuation, just generally a mess.<p>This doesn't need an editor; an editor would essentially re-write from the ground up. Hmm... maybe that's not such a bad idea.

There is a lot here... It's obvious that you have a story to tell, but you're not reaching your audience. There is just too much wrong... Point of view (POV) shifts, lack of quotations around dialogue, unclear sentence structure. It runs on and on and on... I would like to read what you have to say and get to know your characters, but the text is getting in the way. If you don't know what I mean, try reading your story out loud.<BR><BR><b>My advice to you is this, <i>if you're serious about writing:</i></b> Take a break, sign up for some writing classes, find a good and patient editor, and re-work your story (many times, if necessary). Then, and only then, should you re-submit and possibly continue.<BR><BR>

That all being said, kudos for being brave enough to post and allow people to comment on your work.

good story but as written hard to read with no time framing and not good flow, needs to be more readable

I thought it was a very good story but it was really hard to distinguish which character was saying what because it has a very poor conversational flow.

isn't there, their life is too perfect not to have an uh oh moment, and if it is so please don't let it be a big UH OH, like this story. oh and happy new year!

I've never read anything quite like this before stylistically. Is it deliberate? It's very difficult to follow. It's all tell and no show.

I couldn't get past 4 or 5 paragraphs with the way you write. You don't even how all that many errors, but the style makes it almost impossible to read. I give you a 50 because I'm thinking your story might be good once you get some help.

But sentences seem run-on and jumble together. It is hard to tell who is "speaking" there are no quotes or breaks. The premis is good but the editing is off.

Good story. Lines tend to be running together. Need a good proofreader...quick!

You don't need an editor. Enroll in adult education classes, mainly grammar and English.

I have to agree with annonymous.

A bit sugary for me, hard to follow, dialog was not organized and the time frames throughout the day were not clear (Ty just woke up from nap and now everyone was going to bed?)

I am pretty sure this is a good story. I did not rate it. The dialog is VERY hard to follow.