Valerie

I gazed into Deidre's wet troubled eyes with admiration as tears streamed down my cheeks.

"Didn't you ever stop and think it was odd when you got a cut or a bruise, needed advice, wanted to share your feelings about something or someone, talk about your troubles and really, anything that affected your life; that you came to me? When typically, a daughter would go to her mother?" she asked in a tragic tone.

It was the first time that my sister had revealed her inner most feelings and memories about our symbiotic relationship as siblings.

"You were there for me Dee and I'll never forget that," I said emotionally and brought her hands to my cheek in a loving gesture.

"She should have been there for both of us," she said with contempt for our mother.

"I can't help but feel a little sorry for mom since dad passed away. She's all by herself in that big house," I said with some remorse.

"I'd like to say I feel the same but..." she murmured in a voice that trailed off.

Deidre as the oldest child had suffered the most from our mother's lack of involvement in our lives. She was dropped off on a daily basis at Aunt Peg's, my mothers' older spinster sister, who cared for Deidre until I was born. However, our Aunt was just as emotionally detached and coldhearted.

"The only child mom showed any interest in was Dennis and that's because he was a boy; the heir to the family name. With three divorces before the age of forty, I believe he suffered as much as we did," she said with bitterness and sarcasm.

Unfortunately, we were all deficient in the marriage department. Deidre and I were one time losers.

"To this very day, I can't fathom why our parent's had children. The only reason I can think of is that it was strictly for appearance sake. Look at us the happy family. Did you ever notice that Dennis, you and me were the only ones smiling on the photos dad took?

The glass was always half empty for mom and dad. Dad would sit in the den when he got home from work with his martini in hand and not say two words the entire night to anyone. As crazy as this might sound, at least mom spoke to us.

Christ, when dad died, I don't think I shed one tear; now that's sad," she expressed with some regret.

"Enough! I don't want to talk about our childhood anymore; it's too painful. Some memories are better left in the past, at least that's what my therapist says," she uttered wistfully.

We both sat looking sad eyed, staring into space.

"Hey, how bout a drink? It's not too early," she asked pleadingly and her mood lightened quickly.

We walked across the lobby to a small but elegant wood paneled pub. When I ordered a martini, Deidre started to chuckle.

"As I recall, you developed a real fondness for this type of poison, when you were at home during college breaks," she declared.

"Yeah, whenever dad mixed up a batch for himself, I sneakily skimmed some off the top for myself until I learned how to make them. It was my way of coping until I went back to school," I verbalized with a mouthful of gin.

We sat in silence until we finished our drinks.

"Dee, I...ah...you see..." I stuttered incoherently.

I wanted to tell Deidre about Valerie but lost my nerve because I terrified thinking how she might react. Her sister, her little sister was in love; only it was with a woman.

Deidre was regarding me with that "here it comes" look on her face. It was now or never. Before I got word one out of mouth about Valerie, my eyes welled up and tears started to fall very rapidly.

Deidre guided me to her room where she held me as I cried on her shoulder.

"This has to be about love or a relationship," she said wisely.

I nodded my soggy face in agreement. "I met somebody and...fell in love but...she..." I blubbered.

Deidre's eyes grew wide with astonishment.

"Did I hear you correctly? A she; a female by gender?" she asked incredulously.

Again, I nodded my head in the affirmative.

"Holy Crap! Did you tell mom?" she asked with enthusiasm.

"Yes," I mumbled.

"I wish I'd been a fly on the wall when you told her," she exclaimed excitedly.

Deidre's comment made me smile and chuckle.

"Mom told me I wasn't brought up that way," I said scornfully

"Kate, if you love someone and you know in your heart that it's real, than gender is irrelevant," Deidre spoke with wisdom.

A mental image of Valerie flashed in my mind and I smiled broadly.

"You got it bad?" she asked referring to my love for Valerie.

"Worse, I love her so much it hurts," I answered with accuracy

Deidre held me close. Gently, she rocked me the way she did when I was a child.

"I know in my heart that I can't live without her," I expressed emotionally.

For the better part of an hour, I told Deidre all about Valerie and what she meant to me.

"Are you looking for my approval in some way?" she asked with trepidation.

"I guess, yeah," I said sheepishly

Deidre held me close and gently rubbed my back.

"And, she makes you happy?" she asked soothingly.

"Oh God, yes; I've never been happier," I stated with conviction.

"Kate, I'm thrilled for you and I'll always be there for you. You can count me," she said with tears in her eyes.

"Thank you sis; I love you," I stated with gratitude and held her tight.

My Everything:

Valerie's pretty face had a serious look of concentration as she studied for an exam.

"Kate, did you have to cram this much when you were in college," she asked with a frown and closed her Anatomy and Physiology book.

It was a gorgeous autumn weekend and I knew Valerie wanted desperately to spend some time outside. From the kitchen window, we could see our daughter's playing in the yard.

"I studied just as much as you are now," I said with assurance but in truth, probably less.

Valerie was in her sophomore year and I was tremendously proud of her. She danced occasionally at Diamond Jim's but at the tender age of thirty, she was considered middle aged for her profession.

"Do you think it would be good idea if I slept with Professor Gilman for a better grade?" she asked with a snicker.

"Now, why do you think that?" I asked with a stunned look.

"Oh, the way he stares at me in class," she said like a Parisian coquette.

'You brat, if you do..." I growled menacingly and jumped on her back.

Valerie wrestled me onto the carpet with the same result as always; her seated on my belly.

Cassidy and Alana came running into the house at that instant.

"Your mom won again," Alana said dryly to Cassidy when she saw me on my back.

Valerie and I howled with laughter as the girls looked at us like we were crazy. Later that day, I was checking emails on the computer.

"Whatcha reading," Valerie asked when she slid next to me on the seat in front of the computer.

"An email from my sister Deidre; she's inviting us for the New Years holiday," I said with excitement.

"Oh, do you think you and Alana will go?" she asked with a disappointed tone.

"Not just Alana and I, you and Cassidy are coming with us. Otherwise, I won't go and I mean it," I stated emphatically.

Valerie threw her arms around me and kissed my cheek.

"You're too good to me," she whispered affectionately.

When I turned and looked at Valerie, my heart was quaking with emotion.

"I think of you and Cassidy as part of my family, our family; all four of us," I said with damp eyes and a quivering lip.

"Oh Kate, I love you so much!" she cried with happiness and held me tenderly.

Deidre met us at the airport and gave hugs all around. When she got to Valerie, she gazed at her with a huge smile.

"You must be Valerie," Deidre said with warmth in her voice and embraced her.

"You've made my sister very happy, thank you," she said with fondness and kissed Valerie's cheek.

Valerie's eyes welled up and she pulled Deidre tightly against her.

"Ooh, you were right sis; she's very strong," Deidre said with admiration and everyone giggled with good humor.

Deidre welcomed us to her home with a view of the Rockies in the distance. Cassidy and Alana were captivated with the snow capped peaks.

I would like to say "alls well that ends well" but we have a lot more living to do. Our daughters are a constant joy to us and keep us grounded. The health problems that plagued them a few years ago have improved dramatically; so much so that they're able to participate in sports.

Recently, Cassidy started with gymnastics, just like her mom. Valerie was impressed with the facility and volunteered to help coach. They welcomed her with open arms.

Alana is like me in some ways but I see much more of her father in her. She's studious but enjoys sports, especially soccer. No oboe lessons for her.

And, Valerie, my love, my passionate lover, "My Everything" as Barry White sang so beautifully; when I think about her my heart leaps with joy like the ballerina in "Swan Lake".

My life with Valerie has been nothing short of extraordinary. I've loved every minute, through the ups and downs, the happy times and the sad. I want nothing more and nothing less than to grow old with her.

Sometimes, I feel incredibly lucky to have what I now have; a solid family with good kids and a loving partner.

The sugar in our sugar bowl is granular; no pretentious bullshit at our house.