All Comments on 'Victims Ch. 01'

I hope you can keep up this quality for two more chapters.

Excellent, excellent, excellent. I hope your subsequent chapters are as good as this one. It was so good that I even ended up shaking while reading. The husband character is great so far and his rage at the end is perfect.

Certainly a very strong start. but some of your earlier stories have ended up really off the wall so my eagerness to read the chapters to come is somewhat tempered with caution. A believable central character, torn apart by anger and pain largely in equal measure - a realistic reaction for most of us, I think. I hope the plausibility continues into the next instalment. The technical quality of your writing has never, of course, been an issue.

I look forward to the upcoming chapters.

Can't wait for the follow ups. But "hey" [i'm canadian]your characters are flawed. Dildos and masturbating in bed....two little ones,..the extended cold shoulders...six fuckless months...guns and knives.... come on, let's get real. This marriage lacks serious communication. His actions at the end show that he is STAYING with her..BECAUSE finally they are going to communicate...and acceptance WILL BE the compromise. If that was me...well i would not be in that position in the first place...but "hey" [i'm Canadian]fuck the gun and knife, a digital/video camera would have obtain all the evidence needed, including everyone else...and a simple "THANKS FOR EVERYTHING" approach and a quick departure with "i'll SEE you at home" leaves a giagantic elephant that must be addressed. How she gets home and how long will it take her...THIS and her on going thoughts would be worse than any of his "shouting"..or "coolness" to the situation. Right now , he relies on her reactions to his actions where i would allow her actions subsequent to discovery to speak for itself. And the touche! well, when she arrrives home, the children are awake and are on my lap looking at the pictures that i took of "mommy". That way, there is some understanding as to why her luggage and the children's clothes are in the hallway. I would tell her that i will give her complete custody of the children and financial support but at the same time, call her parents and have them pick her and the grandkids up and put the house up for sale. No animosity...no anger...just indifference and a continuance of the six months silence. The marriage is dead and life must go on..as they say "IF THE HORSE IS DEAD, GET THE FUCK OFF!!!! SHEESH...

Leo, you've done it again! Will this be better than the Grade Whore? I can hardly wait to find out.

Good. I want to see the next two chapters. This is a little over the top, but it can be redeemed in the follow on chapters.

You've done a good job getting into his head so far, be sure you do the same for the wife when it's her turn to explain.

Gave it a five, but I'll wait for the rest for the over all mark.

Yes, it's a good start. The title of chapter 3 makes it sound like she was coerced into sex play.

If so I hope the revenge euqals the crime.

I'm kinda wondering what he does after they get home. He surely kicks her out of the bed, if not the house. Or does he just calmly sit down and ask her what the hell is the problem? After she tells her tale, then they kiss and make up and decide what to do? :mad: Must be SOMETHING like that. [-:((

REVENGE!

The Chinese have a saying, "When you go to dig a grave for your enemy, dig two!". So they best be careful.

I'm wondering what would happen if this were a 'concealed carry' state. He just might have shot the guy, and I doubt the jury would convict him; not if he got him on the rise!!

Anxiously await the next chapter.

The part about the party was excellent. I almost felt the confusion he was having while doing the search.

Cheers!

This is the first story I've read of yours and it is obvious you are an excellent writer with a keen eye for character development. I can certainly remember some extended cold shoulder days in my own marriage -- fights which I could no longer remember the cause, only that I had to continue the fight because, not knowing the cause didn't mean I couldn't be sure I was the one who was right.

The only thing that prevented my from giving you 100% is that I got to the point where I felt if that myopic guy searches the house one more time, I gonna scream louder than a triple penetrated party slut getting off in each hole. Then he made two more laborious sweeps of the mansion.

ANOTHER CANADIAN

now get to what he does and i hope its good ... make sure he fucks her and the guy and every one else involved .... i would shut down that party also ... id call the cops ... no guy deserves this shit ...i hope he does every thing but kill her

slow torture even is to good for her ... and why not kick the guys ass he deserved it ... three till you make it right for the guy .. and hurt that cheatin slut

I really, really, really hope this story doesnt end up being another 'I was drugged & raped then blackmailed into being a slut because I love you so much' story. Thats more unbelievable than a normal wife/mother turning into a whore overnight for no real reason. You cant blackmail someone with rape video & a husband wouldnt forgive a wife who went into the first affair with eyes wide open & allowed herself to be pulled in deeper with video or something.

Just guessing based on your chapter titles & I hope Im wrong.

As it stands now, the only reasonable way this can end happily for the reader is in divorce. Some authors think everyone wants happy ending & thats probably true. What many dont seem to realize is that most of us dont consider forgive and forget to be a happy ending unless its justified by the circumstances (and in most slut wife stories its not). Happy ever after is divorce with the cheater left despondent over what he/she threw away and the cheatie finding true love with someone younger, richer and better looking than the ex. It is a fantasy so why not have the good guys triumph and bad guys lose everything?

I am a fan of Leo Davis, but this story, so far, is not up to his usual high standard.The story is well written,but the plot is pretty far fetched.Initally, young loving couple deny each other sex for over six months as a result of some unremembered argument. Please!-- a week maybe, but six months of resorting to dildoes and masturbation! --pretty unbelievable. Then spouse goes from 7 years of being faithful wife to what appears to be party slut practically overnight.--highly unlikely. The whole thing , even for fantasy, is prettty far fetched. I assume, based on initial reading, Leo will uncover blackmail motive soon. I hope husband gets out of the party in one piece and turns up motive pretty quickly. 60 year okd

Is this really a tale of two intellectually-challenged people who somehow managed to avoid the appropriate institutions?

I loved the story but i would have left her there then when i got home i would have sent the baby sitter home with pay then threw all her clothes in a trask bag then filed for divorce then filled for adoption of the kids

Pat

Atlanta,Ga.

It is just not remotely believable that all this could result from aN argument that occurred over a year ago... over an issue that the husband and wife cannot remember.

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What did they fight over? The remote control?

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to go from sex several times a week to Nothing for over 6 months to listening to the wife have sex fantasies in the bathroom ....to the wife coming home late crying...

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and he never does or say a fucking thing!?!?.

In retrospect it's obvious that I should have known what was going on. But the abrupt loss of affection in our marriage six ...I say that you should have known you dumb shit you were in lala land where your mind was concerned. You writers that write about such dumb ass husband have to be dumb as hell yourselves....

I READ SOME COMMENTS on this story most didn't like it some did to like it you must be retarded it took half the story for him to find her at a party,then and up till then it made no sense.The author must be retarded to write this and try to pass it for a story it pure garbage

what did i just read you repeated yourself about 20 times and took three pages to tell nothing. if all people were as dumb as your male character the human race would not exist anymore.

Like too many LW authors, you spoil the read by foretelling the plot.

Where does the habit of sticking in a little zinger at the end of a paragraph come from? An example: "If I had yielded to her, I know that what happened next would never have happened."

Who needs to read that to follow the story? If I want to know the end of the story I'll skip to the last paragraph and read it there.

It was hard enough to follow the inept reasoning power of both characters, and neither of them generates any sympathy from me.

While there is some good character development, the unbelievable lack of communication was extreme even for a LW story.

On to the the next segment.

how to make it right with a minimum loss. TK U MLJ LV NV

Fucking cunt. Fucking cheating useless cunt. What do you do with a cheating cunt wife who stops all sex with her husband and fucks pricks at a swinger party? I know what I'd do. Let's see what this author does...

only a wimpy excuse for a man would put up with 6 months of sexless marriage\

must be an auto-bio of a wimpy willing cuck

Thanks

A pile of mindless and talentless garbage !

I mean no disrespect to the author but two thirds of page one was enough for me, why?. Most stories on this site are about people making mistakes with errors of judgement involving others. As far as I read no third party was involved, this is about two very unbelievably silly people and I try to avoid people like that so it follows I don't want to read stories about them. Good luck LeoDavis.

WTF is wrong with you!?? gave it a 5

hopefully it turns out well

One must agree with the commenter who states that the premise of this married couple's woe as put forth by the author is not only paper-thin but simply unbelievable. It would have been better had he simply left the matter to our imaginations - irreconcilable differences, etc.

But what really strained the limits of credibility was the transparent attempt at suspense as the husband bumbles his way around the orgy-mansion looking for his wife. Is that her? No, it couldn't be. She's so modest! She wouldn't cheat on me!! Is that her? More stumbling, bumbling...that couldn't be her!! Who is that? Stumble bumble fumble...oh for chrissakes, it's gotta be one of the most inane and positively stupid things I've read in years.

The suspense or crescendo sought by the author is better handled with some type of memory sequencing or reverie, or a combination of things, but NOT by some transparently idiotic and fumbling nonsense.

I give up...

It doesn't make any sense. The husbnd can't recognize his wife? Has to scramble around trying to see her, etc etc and he just stumbles around being confused...tension? LOL, Hardly..

Great job capturing the raw emotional pain, the husband's humiliation, sadness and impotent rage.

One of you best. Quite believable.

Keep it up. 5*

I felt everything the husband felt when I got back from a trip two days earlier than expected and found my wife pulling a train. I went nuts and started literally throwing man after man out. The next day...the very next day...I started divorce proceedings. It went through uncontested. The author described what I felt pretty accurately. And if I had remembered my gun, yes, I would definitely have killed several men.

im intrigued. I like the lack of sex... And the action

Should have blocked all the exits, and burned down the house.

He should have cut both their cheating throats.

What a disgustingly pissu MC…they way he behaves like an ostrich initially and then like a girl …can’t say he deserved all that crap! No sympathy for this stupid so called man

Actually this story had me rolling my eyes so much I now own the trademark to doing it, so anyone else who comes along and rolls their eyes on this....you owe me.

Intriguing, and such disrespect to give away continually what she refused to provide for her husband.

Gonna have to read why she thought THAT was a good idea.

Glad our MC is not going to jail yet.

Hard to see ANY reconciliation, but, there is a lot of story left.

Very good story / very well described.