All Comments on 'What Are You Thinking'

why did you feel the need to post this on literotica? I don't get it...you just come off like a guy who hasn't gotten any in a while.

sorry bro.

Sorry fella, but as a woman, I do like to be independent, and I do like the ability to do things for myself, rather than have decisions made for me. However, I also like having an equally strong and independent male partner. Some men are not comfortable with a truly strong and independent woman. That's their perogative. However, I have learned through the years that I will not be happy if I have to live with some one telling me what to do, when to do it, how to do it, or otherwise trying to run my life for me. Some men see this as their right as the man in the household. For some couples, that works. For me, it does not. Fortunately for me, there are men out there who can share the reins.

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As to the refrain that there are no good black men out there. Guess what? It has been said that a good man, of any color, is hard to find. Usually the good ones are taken (because when a woman has a good one, she usually hangs on tight!). A good one comes on the market also doesn't stay single for long :)<br><br>

As to the sexual game-playing - I have no knowledge of that. I am who and what I am. I don't like being called a whore or treated like one. I happen to have a healthy sexual drive - but that does not make me a slut. It can be hard to find a guy who will treat me like a lady, yet let me be wild in the bedroom without judging me. Thankfully I have been lucky in having lovers who enjoyed my sensuality and wild side without then thinking of me as a slut. Those lovely men still have a fond place in my heart.

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To the poster, it sounds like you are doing a lot of complaining. I have found that I get better results when I stop trying to change others, and instead just move on until I find someone who is more suited to me. You might try the same. If black women are not your cup of tea, fine. But I think posting a laundry list of what is supposedly wrong with black women today is pointless and comes off as sour grapes.

Whilst you make the statement that your article is a generalization, you then go on to say that the vast majority of black women fall into one or more of the categories you defined. This black woman does not. Nor do ANY of my black women friends. We work hard, play hard and want to support and nurture our men just as we want them to support and nurture us. Maybe you're looking for a loving black woman in all the wrong places? Your problem with black women is not their problem but yours.

That essay was not only sexist but racist as well. Maybe a broader study would have more accurate findings.

If your black female friends tell you there are "no good black men anymore" perhaps it is a personal comment rather than a generalization about black men. After reading your article, I can clearly understand why they would think so.

You do a disservice to men as well as women.

Don't listen to the haters out there as an Black Man my self I can't BEGIN to tell you how many times I have heard this......................

Freedom of Speech means I appreciate support as well as opposition. Funny how the only opposition comes from African American Females. Maybe it's just me.

I am a white man and believe these comments can be applied to some white women. Here is my experience on three points made by the author. Author's point #3 "I don't do that anymore, I am married" My wife screwed dozens of men in her single days, now she wants to be a virgin in her married years.

Author's point #6 "I am an independent woman"- The following could have been added on "But make sure you make enough money for us and the family"

Author's point #5 "I am not a whore". My wife likes that I listen to her lenghty detailed stories about what happened during her day when I get home. But my enjoyment of being intimate with her at the end of my day won't happen because she thinks "I am not a whore."

In my opinion It's about time "some" women lose their F'd up attitudes.

I completely concure with your observations. It took almost thirty years before I reluctantly conceded the contradictions you numerated and explore other options in my search for a mate.

<p>.....but in the end I was glad I did.</p>

<p>Is it sexist, probably. Mainly because it is an essay on one sex and not over both. So by that defination it makes it sexist by the exclusion of the other sex. But there have been quite a few essays lately on what it takes to please men, women, or any relationship in general. Or a few on what it takes to date, so I can't say that it is any more sexist than what has crossed the essay arena before now</p>

<p>Is it racist? That to me would be questionable. I just thought the author wrote from experience and if his experience is only in one arena then it's based somewhate in some facts. Some, or all, of it may be <i>loosely</i> based on the facts of things that happened in his life. Otherwise basing it on no facts would make it based in science fiction.</P>

<p>Having said that, I have to say I saw a couple of things that he wrote about that happened to me as well. I mean the "there are no good men" was tossed at me a couple of times, and years later, right before I was to be married one of the girls who always said it walked up and asked me why I never asked her out because she always thought I liked her. I reminded her what she always said and told her I thought it meant she didn't like me, and she said she was always waiting for me to prove her wrong by asking her out because she always thought I was a nice guy. Imagine my surprise. Personally I think in her case it was just fishing with the wrong bait.</p>

<p>But I think we all do stupid things (myself very included) in life that others might find funny. And all I saw in this list was things he found funny that never seemed to make sense.</p>

<p>But I still find it funny to some degree, because as I grew up some of these thoughts crossed my mind as well.</p>

-Risq

You're right on target here and those who refuse to see any of it are likely those that benefit from the double standards in relationships or those who are so brainwashed because to see the truth is to live in hell.

You're far from the only black guy I've heard rant on this subject and its far from only a black woman thing either these days sadly. I do enjoy the "you only need to get laid" or the "stop whining loser" complaints. So cliche and so ignorant.

-Hex

The internet is world wide and far reaching. There are dozens of relationship sites that deal with serious issues. When we come to Lit it is for fantasy, escapism, suggestions. May I suggest you write a an erotic story about a sister who has all these issues & finds a brother who unbinds her inhibitions. I am a Black woman who's married and I do EVERY & ANYTHING for by Black husband because I was raised by parents who showed me how to deal w/ what only 400+ years of oppression can do to a people. Stop thinking like a "boi". Find a sister and get busy making babies that will make our world better. Big hug to you.

The freedom to express oneself often gives away more about the author than intended. The undertones of anger and frustration are present in this essay. I get the sense this article is a personal release for the author; a kind of 'rant therapy'. Whether I agree with his opinions or not is irrelevant. That, for me, defines freedom of speech.

"your spouse is the only person that you should be free enough to share the entire extent of your sexuality."

Best point!!

Yep!. there are still racists around. To the redneck who thinks that blacks should only fuck blacks,,,, and the "sister" that says "find a sister and make more babies so the world can be a better place", FUCK all ya'll!! Well, nuff said!

The writers intention is to provoke thought and consideration so it is successful in that regard.<P>

It is unfair to lump the always and never into complaints for the same reason averages can be misleading and upsetting [some forget that an average is just a mid-point with plenty of plus and minus on each side].<P>

The dilemmas cited aren't driven by race or in a sense by gender but are the results of a lack of respect or selfish need. Marriage isn't a place to hide from your spouse nor a place to take advantage of a partner.<P>

To think that the fire will remain consistently hot is not a reasonable expectation as it wasn't prior either - there were and always will be peaks and valleys. Fixation on it is just a smoke screen for not addressing other problems.<P>

A marriage is a job - a business if you will of reasonable compromise. Remember that a good compromise is equally painful to each party [ neither gets everything they want ].<P>

Thanks author - your provocation is bearing the fruits of thought and expression. Well written too.

Nice rant. I feel your frustration. My comment is directed towards the racial slur: If God didn't intend for different races to have children together, why is that some of the most beautiful people you see are of mixed racial background. God has spoken! I felt it needed to be said.

I rate this poorly because I think that by making this an AA woman thing, you over-generalize and prove that your theory can't be fully taken at face value - your control group is too small and there seems to be no variable (sorry..scientist bkgrnd).

As a "mixed" person, I have dated the range, and I must say this is by NO means an AA woman prob..I've experienced it from all races of women, and actually found, of the women I've known, many white women to be far more fitting of the characteristics you laid out, but also experienced it with some AAs, hispanics, and 2nd generation Asians. At the same time, I've found decent women across the board. When I had a paricularly bad slew of dates I had thoughts like you and made blanketed generalizations about women, but then I realized maybe I was only finding these "categories" (nothing to do with ethnicity/ race) of women because those were the type of women I kept pursuing. Once I broke out of that box, I realized there were many types of women (woman at cooking classes offer a diff. mix to the ones I met at bars, dance classes and book clubs had diff. personality side to some of the ones in my sports clubs).

all this to say, I don't think it fair to post such an article categorizing these problems as only AA women, unless you've taken the time to date/enter relationships with an equal number of women from each different ethnic group who you've met in a similar setting (i.e. if you've dated/been in rltnshps with 12 AA women that you met in clubs or the grocery story, then you need to date 12 white, 12 asian, 12 hispanic, etc of a similar background and from a similar setting as the AA women u date). Only way to make your argument valid - and if you did so, I'd bet you be amazed to find these probs are in most rltnshps in the US. My 2 cents...also, anyone else wonder why it seems that only AAs make these public gnrlztns about each other? I never see an article from asian women dispariging all asian men, or white men denigrating white rltnshps . even w/their probs

I'm sorry you have run across the wrong women. But I must say male or female it is hard to find the prefect person and color does not even a factor. I hope you find love no matter where you find it.

Signed a African American Woman

To answer a few questions, my name is IndianaBoi. (Boi-Brother Of Interest)

Now, I wrote this piece as a manner of expression and to provoke thought in the readership as to why these attitudes and beliefs still continue. It would seem that many were taking this as a personal attack and that would be unfortunate. However it gives validity to the fact that only those who see themselves in this article take it personally.

Now a bit about myself, I am happily married as well as an educated person. I hold a PhD in psychology and am a practicing doctor in fact. So, to address the dating advice so many seem willing to give me Thank You but No Thanks.

I am not a one sided coin and I hope you continue to be on the lookout for future articles. I will address not only the ignorance’s of women but also of men. The only way to combat ignorance is by meeting it head on with TRUTH, EDUCATION, and a Spirit of Change. Denial, Doubt, and Blame Assessing are the means by which we fail to meet our societal goals.

ummm....we must have dated/known the same women. lol.

As a white woman dating a black man, it amazes me the difference in the way relationships are viewed between races. While I don't agree with all of the comments in the article, there are some that I've found to be true. I suppose the first I'll address is, "White women are stealing all our men." First, I did not steal my boyfriend from anyone, and do not I think most women have. I was approached by him. Obviously I possess qualities that either a black woman doesn't have or has neglected to show, it happens... work on it. Second, why is it that my friends have no problem with the interracial relationship and his female friends think it's sacrilege? He's happy, why does it bother them so much?!

Next, dressing like a street walker. I do not feel the need to traipse around in short shorts and a belly-baring shirt to feel sexy; and apparently, in his circle of friends, that makes me some sort of prude. This makes no sense whatsoever. How is showing off all of your goods sexy? It leaves nothing to the imagination.

Ok, that is all. Thank you Indianaboi for the provocative and well written essay.

I'm neither black nor a woman, and while I wasn't offended (for one your argument was a bit weak), I am a bit perplexed by your claim that your initial article and response "are not generalizations about every black woman" but that they do hold true for the vast majority. huh? then isn't that a generalization?. I for one thought your own article was so ripe with silly claims (many unfounded...there r lots of men and women love the rap songs u refer 2..in fact the vast majority of buyers of rap are white...but that doesnt' give u carte blanche to refer to a person in the terms of the song just because they like the music. how asinine. If that's the case then you should be referring to all the white women and men buyers as "whore, b*s, etc." Why limit it to just black women as being the targets for that?

also, your PhD means nothing in this discussion... that gives you no extra validation. There are many people with PhDs and if we took what they said face value then we should believe the man who wrote the Bell Curve..and well, if that's the case you, as a black man, are 2 steps from being retarded anyway so no surprise in the women you choose

Kept it to "in my experience" rather than saying "most" African American women are yadda yadda this, yadda yadda that.. I think readers would have found your "essay" far less offensive. In 2000, which just happened to be the first chart I came across, there were 34,658,190 African American people in the United States. Let's say even a 1/4 of that population are female, would you still say that you can speak about "most" of them? I think not.I am giving you a low mark not because of your subject matter..but because it is poorly written. A little more time spent editing and a better choice of words would most likely saved you a tremendous amount of backlash.

Love this summary, primarily to hear someone’s opinion on black racial issues without all of the vitriol and racism baiting.