All Comments on 'When In A Couples...'

3.5 stars,. Different, but people make mistakes. If I were in Chris's shoes, I would probably would forgive. I would also start out as friends dating again, and figure out if she learn a lesson or not. If I were in Amy's situation, I could completely understand the hesitation. They were happy together, and probably should see if anything can be salvaged. When dating or married, maintain your own individuality, don't be needy, don't be dependent because that could be stressing. Communicat, communicate, and communicate. Also don't forget romance, staying in shpe, maintaining yourself, and continue to do what you were doing while dating.

Conversations were very stiff and formal. The end kind of just fell off the table. The general idea was good and in a short story different views as well as some reasoning were included which isn't easy.

great decision by chris. if she was keeping secrets from him. and lying to her parent about it while they were engaged. what would she do when they were married. did she even tell him that rob was a former lover, i dont think so.

I believe he made the right decision. That's the kind of secret you don't keep from the one you love. Luckily he found out before marriage because that would have opened up a new batch of problems that a couple might not survive. Trust must be complete once you commit to someone. Hopefully she learned before she falls in love again.

Five Stars

Interesting, but less a story and more a teaching illustration.

if this was real life then you have to think she is well shot of him, his character is juvenile at best, there are not many people who do not have history before meeting a prospective partner, whole story had the feel of being written by a teenager anyway , poor

She should have open about it with him but he is an cowardly asshole.

A relationship that begins with a big lie, never ends well...He made the right decision. For sure that Rob would come back after she had married. Good story

I feel he should have set her down and discussed marriage then talked about their past, he should have ask her if there was anything he should know about, and same for him I'm sure he isn't a virgin was there anything in his past he isn't revealing or maybe she would have not accepted, It's a two way street. Good read

..she should have told him long ago. I can understand him losing trust and reacting the way he did. A Monie on the internet, - you can never get rid of it. What would happen if somebody else saw it in a few years? Someone who could not be trusted? Obviously she had trusted her friends more than she has trusted him.

Nice piece of work you have delivered here, I enjoyed reading it. Thank you.

She not only lied to him but about him to her parents so its easy to see how Chris lost all trust in Amy and made the right decision for himself by dumping her.

Does he really have absolutely nothing in his past that he hasn't discussed and dicected with her. I doubt it. He hadn't even asked her to marry him, so perhaps that was the point when she would have told him.Quite liked the outline and presentation though, so you still get a good few stars.

I'm sorry, but I don't get it. I don't understand what point you were trying to make by writing this, and I especially don't understand why you submitted this under "Loving Wives."

The writing needs some work. You began the story in first person narrative, and then inexplicably switched to third person at some point. There was way too much dialog, and it was hard to follow.

In terms of the content, I suppose the moral of this story is: don't keep secrets from your loved ones. That's a fine lesson to learn, I suppose, but it wasn't conveyed in an interesting or effective way. This story reminds me of those long and rambling jokes that take far too long to get to a punchline that isn't all that funny.

She'll get over it - but he has some serious issues. What a nasty idiot.

and neither had any...so the relationship was doomed.

Two young people in early stages of their relationship with all the insecurities young people have, just how much information do you reveal about yourself and when after 2 months ,3, 6, 12, yes certainly you should before any legal commitment, if Chris really loves her then he will show some maturity and would of course want much reassurance from Amy. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone --and all that.

I enjoyed the storyline and thought it was well conceived. It caused the reader to actually think. It appears that English may be the second language for the writer, so he should find an editor to help the flow, correct tenses, and word usage.

There is no right or wrong response to the information this guy learns. Some men wouldn't care too much, but others would. It would be wrong to continue the relationship if he realized it would always affect his ability to trust his wife. The fact that it's on the web and under her real name is odd. It would seem like she would have mounted an effort to get it removed from the web and castrated the guy that posted it. I understand the boyfriend's reaction as she didn't trust him with the truth, and now he doesn't trust her.

But where was the "loving wife"? This was posted in the wrong section. And while I understand him breaking off their relationship he sure did it in a cowardly way. Running in and out and hiding. He showed more courtesy to her Parents. Not a very nice guy.

There has to be more to the story. What happens to him, to her? This take can go several ways. He reconsiders after gaining more insight. She accepts his position and moves on to a productive life only to be thrown together later and after personal growth for both. His friends and their wives help him to take a more forgiving attitude towards her past and consider what he loses by the decisive action.

I just think this ending, while realistic, doesn't produce a fulfilling story.

Thank you for sharing your talent and I hope you will continue to write.

Upset that your mate actually had sex before she met you? Poor boy. Talk about fragile male egos, this is just sad.

Gave you 3*s.

This is a more complete story. Reads more like a documentary. Did someone familiar to you have this experience or something similar. Emotions were muted and distant. But a good try at storytelling!Thanks.

AMerryMan

The question posed is interesting. For me I would have asked if there was anything that I should know before cutting her off. But the fact that she lied to her parents about their situation would have been proof that she can not be trusted.

An interesting question is : "Who put it up on the porno site?"!

SWL has posted two good stories here in a short time frame. Both are well thought out and not the run of the mill "husband with PI pictures/Come home early' genre.

Keep it up, I enjoy your submissions

Read the story and the comments.

HDK made the key points. Is English your second language? It looks like it might be. You had some unexpected grammatical errors, and some misused words.

I liked this theme; it matched your first story for creativity.

I don't recall, but I think I suggested you slow down. This little story was certainly rushed. You obviously were a little excited and wanted to get it up on line as quickly as you could. Don't be in such a hurry.

This was another five, but it could have been even better if you had only been a little less quick on the trigger.

I see no huge issues (although you should definitely correct "wonton slut": it made me chuckle, it was a rather culinary mental image); I think the biggest issue here is that there is no erotic side to this story. Unless you get off by people not having sex and feeling miserable.

As an FYI, when one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed. If a paragraph doesn’t begin with a quotation mark, that indicates it’s narrative.

<P>

When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark. Especially in a story where there are so many characters talking, this is even more important to keep track of who is talking.

First, ditto what HDK said. Second, should be in non-erotic category - does not fit LW and is not erotic. Third, credible situation and credible portrayal of bad timing, poor communication, and lack of trust. Obviously she should have told him once they were steady. Not sure what I would have done - would have depended on how strong or weak the attraction and the relationship actually was.

Must echo Carvohi's question: is English your second language? The dialogue was too formal and stilted to be realistic. The First Person Observer viewpoint made this a serious problem, because the narrator had no insight into either person's feelings or emotions, so the story HAD to be driven by dialogue instead of exposition. Ergo, weak dialogue = weak story.

As for content, the whole group of them came off a bit neanderthalic. Perhaps the clencher was the fact she lied to her parents about it, but that sure wasn't clear in the story. It looked more like he dumped her just for a mistake in her past. Her reluctance is understandable, but they hadn't even moved in together yet. I think the better route would be to tell her you are contemplating getting serious, and asking if there's anything you should know. Just cutting all ties pver something a bit silly is, well, silly.

Just finished the FIRST paragraph. Three (married) brewing couples ... ranging from (early?) Thirties to late Fifties. WHAT??? Three couples! Two in their thirties, One couple in their fifties! (ZERO couples in-between) TWO married, one DATING! That is NOT a native-language difficulty!!! That is CARELESS writing!

Maybe it will get better in paragraph TWO!

I assumed the first sentence was just a continuation/expansion of the title ... not the first paragraph!

So, in paragraph two, Chris turns out to be 26 years old! GMAFB!!! I must assume that he is a member of one of the Thirty-Y.O. couples!

I solemnly swear to finish the f..g story before commenting again! (Unless FORCED to do so!)

Agree with HDK (usually do!) that an editor was SORELY needed! A few more early observations. Hero(?) is -at 26- the best antique car repairman in town (and enjoys the best financial situation among the three couples!) Story must be based in Pebble Beach, Amelia Island or similar 'concours-d'elegance' hotbeds! Or he is the heir to big wealth and has a second hobby (beer and old cars!). He did NOT get rich in most places (at 26 ) by working on antique autos!

The story actually does get better, if one can get past 'wontons' and curdless milk (whey!) Sweetie is somehow missing when the three (actually 2.5) couples get together to brew beer (usually NOT a communal act ... enjoying the brewed beer- yes, actual brewing-no).

The defining point was made about how easy it would be for future children to find Sweetie's BJ tape! Hero also scores with his comment that Sweetie trusts Rob Suckee more than her intended hubby! BUT, I also agree that the story is remarkably NON-Erotic! We must assume that Hero has at least benefitted from her attentions as much as Rob once did!

2.6 = 3*

and one without a resolution.

unhappy people living sad lives.

Is that some sort of new Chinese dish?

"I feel confused, she acted like a wonton slut in the video..."

Yes, I remember a joke Asian restaurant menu titled "SUC MI PAGODA" with an address in "Escondildo, CA" where the individual menu items were things like "Sum Yung Chik" (served presumably with Cream of Sum Yung Guy) - nonsense intended to look Oriental to bored people who don't speak either Cantonese or Mandarin.

Nonetheless, this leaves more unanswered questions than answers? Why was this video shot and by whom? Who uploaded it and is there a model release? Did she authorise this to be published for commercial sale, or was it uploaded under her full legal name by a vindictive ex out of pure malice? On what grounds would a publicly-subsidised state college (as opposed to a Bible college or private/religious institution) have revoked a full scholarship over this? If Rob has anything to do with this, and it has done substantial harm, why are they still on speaking terms?

It's entirely possible that she and Rob shot this for their own personal use while they were together, but once they split up he posted this as an act of revenge. It's possible that, every time she gets one taken down, he posts ten more and she has no idea what's still out there.

It's possible that this was private data which was stolen due to a security breach or was stored on a device which was later stolen, in which case no one wanted it public.

Conversely, it's possible that the relationship between Amy and Rob still exists in some form which will interfere with a possible marriage to someone else. It's even possible that she was paid to appear (which would make her a sex worker), although full legal name on something this amateurish is bizarre.

There are a few occupations (such as ministers of government or religion, schoolmasters or people who work with kids) where anything sexual can and will be dug up and used against the applicant. Was she working in (or training for) any one of those specific jobs?

The post-breakup "communication" between these two doesn't address or even ask these questions. There's a huge difference between "she's a porn star and still in a sexual relationship with Rob" vs. "they broke up years ago and he only posted this to hurt her". If Rob posted this to hurt Amy, then Chris just played right into his hands.

What a weak man.

What a weak stupid man. All this had happened before they started courting and really was water under the bridge. His friends were incredibly po-faced about it and definitely did try and influence him. However due his stupidity and inability to connect he lost out.

My sympathies are with the girl and think she is well shot of him. Before I got married there were probably things I did that I might have disclosed if I felt that they were relevant but there weren't so I didn't. Everyone has a past.

He definitely lost his chance and will probably regret it for a lomg long time all because he did not trust himself and relied on "friends" to advise him.

he found out in time. pretty shitty writing.

Sad for both of them .Did you ever do something in your past that would upset you partner if revealed ? I did but it was in the past so that is where it stayed.

As I said very sad for both and everyone else should have kept their opinions to themselves, they were a fat lot of help.

Mark you he was such a wimp she is better of without him. Being married to a clown like that would be like walking on thin ice all the time.

Wish there was a part 2.

Someone he loves enough to marry, did something alot of 18 year olds do, before she ever met him.

The only difference was it was filmed.

Ever see a college girls selfie on the net? Alot dont mean for them to be there.

So she was embarrassed about it, yes should have told him, but to dump her over it?

Now if she had been cheating on him, thats different.

The story raises some interesting questions. Unfortunately it is not particularly well done.

First, it's not in the least bit erotic. Second what type of a fool gives up the love of his life for having sex BEFORE they were even together. It shouldn't matter who she fucked before, she's with you now. Only a very insecure little boy would act like this. And those other guys plotting and helping all sound like 7 th graders trying to dodge a bully on the playground.

Why does she have a sex video posted, under her real name, on the internet? Who posted it. Why hasn't she taken it down in the five plus years it's been online? If Rob posted it why is he still one of her friends? Too many unanswered questions to be marriage material . I would have no problem with a fiance who had sex before we met, but porn vids on the.net wouldn't be acceptable.

You created a main character who turned out as a very shallow and insecure individual who would probably jump at the slightest hint, whether true or not, from his supposed chosen loved one. In other words, a sniveling little coward who wouldn’t have the strength to man up and sit down to discuss his discovery.

the anon below me, can blow me.

he's not shallow, he even told her he may have told her it was 'cool' that she was in a porno. so he's not some 'prude'. but he is insecure....about her....about them.

and he's right to be insecure! she was insecure about him! didn't trust him! as he told her, "i'm glad you trust your ex lover/ co-porn star/ current friend more than you do me" this was all on her. this was her fuck up. and she made things worse by not stopping her co-conspirator friends from becoming hostile with him. i would bet literal sums of money that these 'friends just trying to help her' wouldn't feel so cozy had the roles been reversed and they were in his shoes. she tried to plead her case, but all she did was solidify that she trusted her inner circle of friends MORE than him. She even LIED to her parents, let's not forget that part.

if she's willing to manipulate all of that, for something he has a right to know....and prolly not a big deal......what else is she willing to hide from him/ manipulate?

she's the shallow one, and needs to grow up. his parting words of wisdom to be more honest with her next b/f were not a dig at her. it's really good advice. trust is everything in a relationship. she gave him none, and thus received none in return.

Almost impossible not to have sex before marriage, but a video on the internet would be too much. Keeping it from a serious relationship would destroy any chance of trust in a marriage.

He was upset because in the video she appeared to enjoy sex with that guy far more than with him. So yah, ego came into play. So there was the non mention of the porno that every one appeared to know about but him, the lie to the parents that she had told him, and the way she enjoyed the sex with the filmed porno guy compared to him.

So yes she was willing to marry this guy but forever in his mind he will see her having sex with someone else and enjoying it. I agree we marry non virgins but we all don't witness the premarital sex.

I thought it was a pretty good story. Sad, to say the least, but different. I have a feeling the relatively low scores was due to people not agreeing with the MC's choice to break off the relationship. The thing is people are met with conundrums all of the time. How one handles them is unique to the person. Some will agree with the decision, some disagree, and most are probably glad it didn't happen to them.

It's fun to read other comments, to gain some insinght into what people think and funnily enough, there are a lot of people who simple doesn't understand what they are reading, and I write this as someone for whom english is a second tongue (thus my many mistakes writing anything, but not reading, never reading)

It's right there, the one reason that makes a like with Amy impossible

He saw her, and that is. He saw her, saw the porno, saw things about her he didn't know about, important stuff, heavy stuff and now he knows she doesn't trust him, that she lies not only to him, but to her own parents, and that her friends (including wonderful Rob who Chris is supposed to trust for some reason), will cover for her, no question asked

He's in a losing scenario that won't get any better, so there's no reason for him to stay

That's the thing that kills their relationship, not the fack that she dated and fucked and did many other things with anyone else, he understand as anyone with a minimun level of maturity that is a normal expectation to partner with someone who already had at least one meaningful relationship, sex, courtership, marriage or whatever, he knows that, but what he saw in that porno was enough to shake that expectation, to destroy what he felt towars amy and because of that, they can't be together anymore

Amy will go back to her group of friends and surely will end with her co-star in any capacity, and our protagonist will date that cute teacher, and maybe someone else, who knows?, but it won't be Amy, wich is good for him

And no anon, before you say something stupid there's nothing wrong with walking away from a bad situattion, nor are you forced to stay in a relationship where you feel your partner doesn't respect you, and Amy doesn't respect Chris. The best thing he can do is to leave

She a porn star on a pornsite with her male friend they socialize with and never said a thing. Dont know any man of value that would stay with this type of sleazy woman.

I love this! It was funny, heartfelt, to the point and different than any other story I’ve read on the site.