All Comments on 'When She Tries To Deceive'

.... could've stretched it out a bit more and made it GREAT!

nice first effort, keep it coming, very entertaining, galen

I enjoyed your story but you shut it down very quickly: like you were bored with it. Meeting the inlaws would have made a super second chapter.

Why didn't you make him a super spy hitman ninja he's everything else. good start. Please just make the main character more down to earth.

thanks

I would really have enjoyed more. Especially a lot of the meeting with the new family. You had a great start....well written and entertaining, it just sort of stopped. Did it get late?

Started off good.

I think this story shows promise. You put the words and ideas together pretty well. A little more practice and you'll do even better, I'm betting. The criticism that the hero is perhaps unrealistically perfect and heroic has some merit, but an occasional story with such a character is fine. I'd like to see you try a longer story with a more "normal" hero, who has a couple of really good features but is otherwise typical, and who faces more adversity before he reaches his happy ending. That's just me. You do what YOU want to try. Anyway, thanks for contributing!

Compare the Vagina to a bottle of Ketchup. The Hymen is like the saftey seal right under the cap, not deep inside! You're not the first author to do this. Great story. Stands alone well. Keep writing!

Romantic, well written, really pulls you in.

Loved it, keep writing please

..deception. This was nice but with no tension ever between main characters this was a pleasant teen-age fantasy but not an erotic story.Enjoyable read nevertheless.

it was disguised by indifference and trepidation. TK U MLJ LV NV

Good story - well written- nice ending