All Comments on 'Will Power Ch. 01'

p. 1: "slopped" has to be "sloped."

p. 3-4: "whiny" is the type of sound a spoiled child makes, like, "The whiny child protested that she didn't want to go to bed." What you want is "whinny," as in "The filly whinnied in excitement at the sugar cube offered her."

As soon as I started reading about the "evil, greedy family member getting the main character committed so he/she can steal the inheritance", I stopped reading. Can't you be more original? That mechanism is so overused! And don't you realize how difficult that is to accomplish in reality, with all the hearings and the lawyers that would be involved. It would take months, even years, and at some point, a conspirator is bound to flip to the other side, get greedy, or grow a conscience and spoil; the whole plan. The funny thing is in reality, it's probably easier (and cheaper)

to have the person killed than it is to have them committed. I know it's all fiction, but please try a little originality. It's too bad because I like ponygirl stories. I thought you other story "Mortgaged into Slavery" was much better.

Keep it going

Will Elina get her revenge on Richard?

More.......please!

Mental and physical cruelty at its best.

Great writing.. I will never look at a person with a silly Mohawk again without smiling inside, knowing why they have done it to themselves, or...! Thanks for a good read..

So good! I keep checking back every day for the next chapter!

Are you a rider ? I think the stallion needs some work.

I'm hoping she will pull a surry for me. The look of her pony bottom working in front of me. Well I'm speech less.

Please write more! I love this story. Keep coming back to it. It turns me on so much! thanks

Except for Elina. I'm enjoying her predicament & appreciate the effort you've put into this story thus far.

Still it is you claiming to be the author and engaging in such perfidy as "press up against her, now bare, mound and" . In this sentence the commas are completely wrong.

Take an adult course or two in basic English.

Fantastic