Without Love

Karen. Her name still makes me feel sick, like some kind of curse that the foulest mouthed sailor would be ashamed to say. I loved her, and then I hated her. Maybe I hated her so much because I loved her first, or maybe I hated her because I still loved her and there was nothing I could do about it. Who really knows about that sort of thing? She told me she loved me, because I was her best friend, and I was the one person she could always trust and lean on. So, I guess in that way, maybe it was true that she loved me. Two years she strung me along, but I can't say I blame her entirely. I knew she had slept around a lot, at one point she told me she had been with fifty different guys, but all I cared about was now. I just wanted her, the past be damned.

We would go out on dates, but we "weren't dating," whatever the hell that meant. Basically, from what I could figure, it meant I paid for every damn thing and got jack shit in return. She did kiss me once, a peck on the lips, after I had begged for a simple kiss for half a year. We never came close to going to bed. I went with it though, I paid for everything, and I let myself get strung along, so that's why I say I can't blame her entirely. Being quite overweight, and her being so pretty, it was nice to have someone like her pay attention to me, so I got played like a violin, only easier. I just wanted her to love me so much, not as a friend, but real, true love.

I was introduced to her because my roommate had some friends over, and she was one of them. She mentioned to someone that her back was sore, and my roommate mentioned that I gave great backrubs, which was true. So I gave her a lengthy massage, and honestly, up to that point, she was the hottest girl I laid hands on without having to pay for a lap dance. I mean, she wasn't a supermodel, but she was sexy. Brown hair tied up, pale white skin, a slim build, big pretty green eyes, and a nice round ass. Her breasts weren't big, they suited her frame, but she wasn't flat by any means. She got me to buy her some clothes, and with that some sexy bras, so I found out she was between an A and a B cup. Like I said, not huge, but I would have given anything to see them. Turned out that I got to pay for the bras, but not see them modeled for me. She had me wrapped around her finger like fool and she knew it.

So, like I said, we went on "dates" for about two years, and I really don't know how much time or money I spent on her. I tried to figure it out once, and once I got near the two thousand dollar mark, I stopped counting, because I started to feel sick. It's not like I had some great job that I could easily do all these things for her, and I personally went without so many times it was pathetic, I'll never deny it.

The thing that really opened my eyes started when an ex-boyfriend of Karen's showed up and started screaming at me for taking her out. I wondered why she had ever been with a psycho like that, and she told me that he had physically abused her. I promised her I would never touch her that, and I meant it. Then, two months or so later, she told me she was pregnant. Now, unless it can go down a whole hell of a lot differently than I was told, I was pretty fucking sure it wasn't mine. Since I was of a fair certainly that hugs didn't impregnate anyone, I asked who's it was. And, wouldn't you know, it's her psycho ex. Supposedly some kind of one night stand. And still, still, I told her I would help her, however I could. A few weeks later, I called her and she told me she was back with that fucking lunatic. That pretty well cinched it for me. I asked her what her problem was, she got pissy, and told me it was none of my business. So I went from her best, most trusted friend to some castoff who had no business in her life. I told her I was done with her, and that was it. The press of a button and she was out of my life.

Three years went by. I sank into a depression for about six months after I stopped seeing Karen. I pretty much ate, slept, and went to work. I packed on even more weight, and hated everything. Then, for some reason, I just kind of snapped out of it. I started working out, eating right, and got myself into damn fine shape. From blob to buff in a year's time, not too shabby. I started seeing a few girls, and found out I was damn good in bed too, never an unsatisfied customer. I always made sure it was no commitment on both ends, I didn't want to go through all that again, and I didn't want to hurt anyone either. Sure, I dated a few girls for longer periods of time, but it never really worked out. It was never a problem though, anyone I dated I stayed friends with, usually friends with benefits, and life was pretty great.

One day, I was out for lunch with a buddy of mine, and I heard my name called. My blood chilled, that voice was unmistakable. I turned and saw her...Karen. There was a little girl with her. She had put on some weight, not too much, but enough to make her face look pretty round, and she was thicker, must have been from having a kid. Her breasts were much larger, too. She came up and hugged me, told me I looked great, and asked how I was. I said fine, smiled and everything, but inside I was confused as hell. Seriously, was she just going to act like we were old friends who lost touch? Was she fucking insane? She introduced me to her daughter, and I steered my plastered-on smile toward the little girl. Somehow it hadn't registered with me that the girl was hers. Karen asked if I wanted to go for lunch sometime, and said she wanted to catch up. Fuck me, she was insane. She was bat-shit crazy, she had to be. Did she even know what the hell she had done to me? I didn't know, but I was going to find out. I told her I'd love to have lunch sometime, and we made a date for the next week when her daughter would be with her dad.

We got together at a sandwich place. I arrived before she did, sat at a table, and waited for a few minutes. I wondered if she had stood me up. It was a pretty common occurrence when we went out before, so it wouldn't have surprised me. I was almost ready to head out when she walked in. I stood up so she could see me, and when she turned to me, my breath caught. She still looked so amazing, extra pounds or not. It was summer, so she was wearing a half jacket and tight jeans, with a tank top that showed off her larger breasts generously. I deserved a fucking medal for keeping my eyes off her cleavage when she walked up to me. She hugged me and we sat down. I noticed a few droplets of sweat trickling down her breasts, and was glad my rising boner was hidden under the table. We talked for a while, just bullshit about how she was, how I was, how her daughter was, etc. She told me she wasn't with her boyfriend anymore, because he started hitting her again, but she met another really nice guy. Finally, I couldn't take it, and had to ask.

"Karen, seriously, what the hell? I treated you like a goddess, and this asshole beat on you before and you still picked him over me. I don't get it. I mean, I know I wasn't exactly...I mean...I didn't look like I do now, but still, it doesn't make any sense to me. I loved you..." I trailed off, not really being able to think of anything else to say. She looked at me, smiled, and took my hand.

"Well, you know, I just felt like everyone owed me everything cause I was kind of a brat. You know, just being a kid and all, I'm sorry about that though." Then she changed the subject. A few minutes later, she said she had to go, kissed my cheek and went on her way.

I sat at the table, dumbfounded. She was...she was just being a brat?! My brain went into some kind of primal overdrive. My face burned and my head started throbbing. She thought it was nothing, she just figured I had overreacted and that was it, no problem now. I got up and went to my car, just to see her pulling out of the restaurant driveway. I got in and started driving after her. She didn't know what my car looked like, and I knew she had a solid half hour drive home. I had to think, and that was time enough, I supposed.

She had fucked me over so bad. I worshiped her and she used me for a meal ticket. She owed me, and I wanted what was mine. I had begged her for love, offered everything I had, and she spat in my face. Fuck that, I was going to take her. I made up my mind.

When she pulled into her driveway, I hung back, parked by the yard a few houses back, and watched her walk inside her house. I didn't know if anyone else was home, all I knew was that her daughter wasn't. I walked up to the house and looked in the window. No movement, except for Karen. I saw her take her jacket off, then her tank top. She was just in her bra, so I figured she was alone. Then she took off her jeans, and sat on the couch, just sitting in her living room in her underwear. She was so fucking hot. My silent wish was answered when she reached back and undid her bra hooks, and slid it off. Her breasts were even better than I had imagined. Well, she had certainly made my job easier, it was now or never.

I pulled my t-shirt off, then tried the door knob slowly, and it turned. Not locked, she was no smarter now then she was before. I took a deep breath, slammed the door open and shut it behind me, then hit the deadbolt. She jumped up and covered her chest, and her eyes went wide.

"Josh?! Josh, what the fuck?! What are you doing?" she screamed.

"You whore...you fucking slut," I growled. "You owe me, you owe me so much. You were such a bitch, and I'm going to take what you owe me." I rushed her and grabbed her arm when she swung at me, turned her around and bent her over the couch. Her flimsy black panties were meant to be sexy, and they were, but for now they just made it easy for me to tear them off. She was still much smaller than me, and stood no chance to resist. I held her down with one hand while I undid my pants with the other. I didn't have underwear on, so my erect cock popped out when my jeans fell. I grabbed hold of her again and kicked my pants off, then bent her over the couch.

Being a slut and having a baby had loosened her up pretty good, and my cock, even as large as it was, slid in easily. Her pussy was so warm. She gasped and screamed again, writhing under my hold. The twisting excited me, and I pumped her hard.

"Take it, you deserve this, you fucking cunt. You would open your legs for any fucking meathead, but not for me. You whore!" I pulled her hair so her head jerked back. She had tears streaming down her face, and I didn't give a damn. I fucked her harder, going balls deep with each forceful thrust. She was grunting and sweating hard, adrenaline pumping through her, and her body betraying her by enjoying the fuck when she didn't want to. Her pussy tightened, and she shrieked as an orgasm ripped through her body. I let go of her hair, and her back arched with pleasure. Her head fell forward and she moaned as the orgasm subsided. I kept fucking her, not slowing down, and she started gasping again.

I felt her starting to move with me, then pressing back on me. She laughed.

"What the hell...is so funny?" I grunted, fucking her harder than ever. She just pumped with me, laughing and gasping.

"You...you think this is my-my first hard fuck...I've fucked so...many guys...you're just another cock...who cares? I'll fuck you too...you're actually hot now...didn't think it could happen..." she gasped out and laughed harder, mocking me even as she bounced around on my cock. I was furious. She couldn't even let me have my revenge, she was going to take that too. Well, that wasn't going to happen.

I pulled out of her pussy, let her think for one moment that it was over, and pressed the head of my cock to her ass. Her body tensed, and I knew I had hit gold.

"NO!" she shrieked. "No, Josh, please, not that, I've never been fucked in the ass before, please don't. You can have me, take me in whatever position you want, I'll fuck you and love it, I know that's what you want." I genuinely considered her offer for a split second, but shook my head.

"No, that's what I wanted before, when I offered you everything. Now, I want to take something from you." My cock was still slick with her juices, and I shoved it to the balls into her ass. The resulting scream was satisfying.

Her ass was incredibly tight, the polar opposite of her pussy. I fucked with renewed relish, her pleas and cries fueled my bestial ravaging. A few moments later, she climaxed again, more intensely than before, as it was her first anal orgasm.

"Yeah...now you're feeling it, slut. Now you know what it's like to have something taken. No matter what, I will always be the first man to fuck your ass. You are my whore now!" I snarled my hate into those last words, feeling my balls tighten. I squeezed her hips as I pumped my cum into her ass. I let her go and she collapsed on the floor, her chest heaving, her body dripping with sweat, as was mine. I sat on the couch, looking at her laying there. I reached down and pulled her up, and she fell against me. She was so worn out, it didn't matter what I had done, and she just wanted to rest. I kissed her lips gently, to my surprise, she returned the kiss.

"Are you going to call the cops?" I asked.

"Shouldn't I?" I shrugged in response.

"Yeah, I figure so. I raped you. I left my cum in you, so they can prove we fucked. They'll probably take your word for it." She was silent for a while.

"No, I'm not going to."

"Why not?" It was her turn to shrug.

"Like I said, I've fucked a bunch of guys. I might as well fuck you too. Honestly, you're the only guy who should have had me. I didn't deserve what you did for me, but you did it anyway, and I took advantage of you. Seems to me I had it coming."

"I shouldn't have. I was angry...no one deserves that. I...well...I'm sorry." She was quiet again, then wrapped her arms around me and kissed me again, this time more passionately. We made out for several minutes, and when we broke the kiss my heart was pounding. I gave a half-hearted laugh.

"I wanted you to kiss me like that for so long, and it only happens after I fuck you." She laughed too, and kissed me again. She put her hand on my chest.

"You want to fuck again sometime?" I looked at her, surprised.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, sure, why not? You were good, hell, you were incredible. You look fucking amazing now, and know you think I'm hot, so why not? Let's have some fun for a while." I didn't really know what to say, so I nodded. She smiled, and rested her chin on my shoulder.

"Let's go take a shower," she said.

*

Well, we did go out for a few months, or rather we got together and fucked, then sometimes went out to eat. It was good, and then we decided to just go our separate ways. Like all the other girls, she and I stayed friends, every once in a while we'd run into each other, go out, and fuck. And it occurs to me that once again, though it's much better than before, I was being used again. She got what she wanted, and while I had some fun, I never got what I really wanted.

She never did tell me that she loved me.