All Comments on 'Wrong Room'

a great read..the end kept me hanging for a minute wasnt sure of the outcome there...smile..but go girl..showed your stuff..but u should have had her in the end go back and finish off carl..the rat fink..but still well done..doing the righ thing..calling the law and all.

Your editor missed some things. Also, as you had 3 creative consultants, maybe they should have told you that the story doesn't flow well. Supposedly her escape from her husband was "spur of the moment" yet he had it all planned out? Ummm yeah doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Also, this story doesn't really fit into this category. Maybe NC/Reluctance would have been a better choice.

To the previous post... I do tend to have a few typos, guilty as charged. It would help me a lot more if you would let me know where they are. And, I'm sorry you didn't like the story. But, as to your concern with the plot, the subtext (and maybe I failed here, it's happened before) is that her flight from her husband was impromptu, but that didn't mean he didn't plan it. A man as powerful as he is set it all up. I do appreciate you reading the story and taking the time to troll it without giving me any useful criticism or constructive advice. I think when I posted this story the first time last year, some knuckleknob was hung up on the forensics of the piece. Caused quite a stir. Anyway, I hope my future endeavors entertain you more than this one did. Cheers!

that was the shitest hit man in the world all he had to do is follow her check out her hang outs skoop out the place's make sure they have no cameras fined a nice place to kill her apply a silancer to the gun scratch off any identifaction on the gun(of course you did this a long time ago)apply bullet to her head drop gun walk away simple as that or just snipe the bitch and leave it at that and just clear out everyone else that was there to imply that it was just a mad man of course then there woulden't be a story and know lets see what prize she gets! behind door number one is her death! behind door number two is a leg Amputation!yah... where she got hit theres no going back:)because theres a nice big vain right there that guarantee's the second door. amanda moon my ass the first thing i thought when she talked about being amanda moon and comiting thoughs vilent acts is prison. she has no weapon training no resistence to drugs or fiscal pain she lives in a fantasy world and dosen't understand anything what so ever probly even why shes geting hit in the first place. i guess im just pissed because every single story you do is the same. older couple have a fight the mans soposidly at fault cheating yada yada yada dosen't like his wife shes soposidly innocent but to dumb to understand whats going on around her... she gets another guy

that worsheps the ground she walks on which is kinda bull shit unless hes extremly obeise and thats about it i like your stores i realy do its just there all the same and what im realy asking is why you could be a good writer and i understand you have to be in a mental state to write and in my opinion i have never ever seen a good looking 45-50 chick in my life. coulden't get my username to work so i went anonymous

tilldeath114

To the previous comment...

Okay, lets see... I'm sorry you found so many plot holes. I suppose I could have written the story the way you described in your comment, but that seems a little against my style and even more cliched than what I submitted. And believe me, I know the story itself is a spin on a tired theme, I just thought I'd try my hand at it. But, to address the smaller issues...

You're right, Amanda could very well face jail time for her actions in the hotel room. It's true, she has no weapons training (you don't need weapons training to shoot a bloody gun or to get off a lucky shot), she has no resistance to drugs (the drug simply wore off... a mediocre plot device to be sure, but one I liked) and her ignorance of her husband's bid to kill her is kind of the whole point. As far as her leg being amputated, I don't know about that. I knew a man who was shot in the leg and the artery you're thinking of (I think you're thinking of) was badly damaged. They did some kind of arterial transplant (not sure of the technical aspects...) and saved his leg... BUT, that's not really relevant to the story. She got shot in the leg. It could have killed her, it didn't.

Now, you said you were pissed because all my stories are the same... Well, I do have common themes, I can't hide that. Mostly I write about an underdog protagonist, sometimes male but mostly female, who finds something better than she or he had before. I believe the old "husband wanting to murder his wife" shtick was used before in "Red Orchids." But I challenge you to show me how this story is the same as "A Nightmare Reborn" or "Beyond Nocturne" or "Black Rain" or even "Meet Desiree Jansen."

Cheating is a common theme (because having been cheated on by my ex-wife, I have some demons to exorcise...). In "Tucker Fuller's Modern Life," "A Day with Shelley," "Meet Desiree Jansen," "Lycanthrope," "Red Orchids," "Risking it All in Vegas," "The Finer Points of Sheila" and "Wrong Room," cheating plays a significant role in the plot. Cheating is real life, unfortunately. Really, the honest to God reason for me dealing with cheating so much is that my own marriage ended in part because my ex-wife decided to step outside the union. That's all.

I guess what I'm saying is I have disagree with you about my stories all being the same. And I'm sorry you're pissed off about it... but not sorry enough that I'm going to lend any sort of credibility to what is obviously a half-assed, poorly written review of this story. You've never seen an attractive 45-50 year old woman? Then you haven't lived, my friend. I could write stories about 20 year old sex pots with perfect bodies and I could throw every erotic cliche known to man in for good measure, but that to me is contrived and boring. Everything from the nympho sex kitten next door to the 12 inch cock and to the pussy than never stretches, it's all been done before. I guess having been one half of a good May-December romance myself has colored my view on women somewhat. The young gals are awesome, but the mature ladies are the ones that'll make your head spin.

I have no idea why some of the women in my stories couldn't get a man unless they were "extremly obeise" (obese?). I think most of the women I write about are actually strong, attractive and very capable of getting a man who isn't a fat assed slob, young or old. Your remark seems shallow, callous, inexperienced and very telling of an immature point of view.

I'm glad you think I could be a "good writer." And I appreciate your taking the time to read my work. That being said (and since you were so open and honest with your thoughts) may I say that while you make some interesting points, you effectively missed the entire point of the short story and in general only served to prove to the world that for as far as mankind has come, there's a few of us still scratching our asses in the cave.

Your review lacks any cohesive structure or relevance as a critique, making it useless to me as a writer. The points I believe you meant to be piercing and insightful came off as boorish and flat out uneducated under the glaring typos, poor sentence structure and an overall ignorance regarding how to express your thoughts literally. Believe me, I'm the king of typos slipping by, but come on. A narrow-minded point of view coupled with an underlying bias against any woman over 45 or anyone who might be overweight completely undermines your credibility.

Thanks for writing in, and I hope my future endeavours disappoint you more thoroughly than this one did. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, in the future, try give constructive criticism instead of this kind of, as you so eloquently put it, "bullshit." Cheers, tilldeath114, this one's for you. - Lovingly Yours, bluefox07

i'm a little stunned by the previous comments. i thought this was a well written story and offered suspense along with hot sex. thanks for the story.

My friend, this was a nicely done story. I'm responding mainly to offset some of the previous comments, one of which sounds as if was made by a frat boy jock who thinks one is old once they hit 35. The assumptions they made were pretty insipid, missing the point entirely, and seemed to be insulting just to be a pain in the rear. The only comment I would make regarding plot would be timing of her leaving versus being found; because "last-minute" has a little wiggle room in it, I suppose you could define it a little better, but then I understand how this could have occurred. Also, the fact that one never quite finds out how the hitman tracks her down so fast has interesting implications. What kind of man did she leave behind? Why was Perry such a good hitman (because he did find her so very fast)?

I liked the theme of the protagonist finding herself, going through the internal dialog between who she was and who she wanted to become. Nice story indeed.

great story, loved the suspense and sexuality. Keep up the great work!

This story has to be one of the best one's I've ever read. It was sexy, steamy, and had me hooked by the first sentence. Can't wait to read more of these stories from you!!!

I think this has to be one of the best stories I have come across here. I have read lots of them btw.

It was well written. In response to the previous comments, it is my opinion that your story was over analyzed. Too many people try to pick them apart instead of enjoying the story for what it is. There are always what if's. Your reply to the neanderthal comment was classic. Too many of these stories are not nearly as well thought out, or edited for typos and sentence structure. I honestly can't believe some of them are even posted. While I am not a writer, I am an avid reader and feel I know a good story when I read one. Job well done I say! Look forward to reading more of your work.

So, its been a long time since this story was posted and I still like to go back and read this story that was (loosely) based on me. Not sure why some people would read the entire story if they didn't enjoy it and THEN take the time to concoct a half-assed poorly written review. I guess I'm a little biased, since I am Amanda...

Firm favorite - reread almost every time I'm online. Human nature is darker than any supernatural force, and twice as malevolent. I agree with your category choice :)